in a chair.
staring at the light fixture
for hours now.
not so much thinking as
listening
staring at the light fixture
for hours now.
not so much thinking as
listening
it was easier to think of all this as delusion
or aliens
possession.
somehow more embarrassing and scary to think of some kind of technological reading
or aliens
possession.
somehow more embarrassing and scary to think of some kind of technological reading
Vanessa sent him emails of the latest information she had dug up
she had a brother in the computer field
and an old friend in Washington.
they could now make processors and transmitters or whatever they were called the size of a flea.
worse he read that there were systems that needed absolutely no hardware whatsoever to....read minds
and an old friend in Washington.
they could now make processors and transmitters or whatever they were called the size of a flea.
worse he read that there were systems that needed absolutely no hardware whatsoever to....read minds
"He reminds me of Keith ",Thought Figer, yawning
Keith too got caught up in the "oh no oh no" of it all and had to be "let go"
did they not know they were digging their own graves not just "letting it go"?
Cole's tedious worries.
Figer removed his headset and switched on the TV.which had to be better than this.
Figer removed his headset and switched on the TV.which had to be better than this.
Cole thought back over the last months
who could have "tagged him"
had he sat near any Arabs?
who could have done this to him
and how and where
the bus.the one place people were literally on top of each other
had he sat near any Arabs?
or Koreans.
or maybe it was the Russians
.he wished he knew more about "enemies'
so he would know just who to keep an eye on,he wondered if the Japanese still hated us.
No it was the Chinese,he tried to remember the last time he sat near a Chinamen on the bus.were they called Chinamen or was that some kind of slur.It sounded slurrish.Chinamen..
he had always had a problem with" stream of consciousness" type thinking.
it was why he had become a writer.
why he didn't drive
.or have many friends.
it was why he had become a writer.
why he didn't drive
.or have many friends.
his mind was always going
.always somewhere else
boy, had it gone somewhere else
Cole thought
pacing round and round his apartment .
.always somewhere else
boy, had it gone somewhere else
Cole thought
pacing round and round his apartment .
into this voice
into these ridiculous thoughts of transmitters
into these ridiculous thoughts of transmitters
now
in addition to his hating his "over thinking" he become conscious of someone or something else hating it as well
in addition to his hating his "over thinking" he become conscious of someone or something else hating it as well
he was often afraid he came off like some kind of asshole speaking
and some times assumed people would think likewise OR WORSE if they only knew what he was thinking
he wondered how he came across to whomever
was manning 'the gates"
clearly not very well judging by the brou haha of the previous evening
.
maybe that was purpose to this 'experiement' maybe one becomes ready or able to change thier thought process
by first becoming conscious of it
and what better way to become conscious of one's own thoughts than to have an awarenesss that one's mind seemed to be being recorded
Keith as well had this intellectual bent
that played so badly as
television
and also lead to numerous other problems for the "mentee'chain smoking,over eating,and the risk of a very real mental breakdown
was manning 'the gates"
clearly not very well judging by the brou haha of the previous evening
.
maybe that was purpose to this 'experiement' maybe one becomes ready or able to change thier thought process
by first becoming conscious of it
and what better way to become conscious of one's own thoughts than to have an awarenesss that one's mind seemed to be being recorded
Keith as well had this intellectual bent
that played so badly as
television
and also lead to numerous other problems for the "mentee'chain smoking,over eating,and the risk of a very real mental breakdown
he stood up.And began sweeping one of several printed articles that Nessa had left in his mailbox
Radio Frequency Hearing Effect
by Mark Dice
An article published in the Washington Post in 2007 discusses the existence of technology that can beam voices into people’s heads, and begins by saying there is, “a community of people who believe the government is beaming voices into their minds. They may be crazy, but the Pentagon has pursued a weapon that can do just that.”[1]
The article continues to discuss people on the Internet who think that they have been targeted by the government and used as test subjects or harassed using what is called the Radio Frequency Hearing Effect, which is very real. So real, in fact, that on October 22, 2002 patent number 6,470,214 was awarded to the technology which is designed to, “induce a thermal-acoustic signal in the bone/tissue material of the head that replicates the input audio signal and is conducted by the bone/tissue structure of the head to the inner ear where it is demodulated by the normal processes of the cochlea and converted to nerve signals which are sent to the brain, thereby enabling intelligible speech to be perceived by the brain.”
God damn Nessa
what type of girlfriend brings up talk of mind reading and radio frequency hearing devices when one is clearly losing one's mind
ee/ee/ee/----ee/ee/ee sounding more like something one might hear in a war movie.
the high pitched sound ,the paced sounds he had to admit appealed to a part of him
there was something almost intuitively sweet about them
what type of girlfriend brings up talk of mind reading and radio frequency hearing devices when one is clearly losing one's mind
ee/ee/ee/----ee/ee/ee sounding more like something one might hear in a war movie.
the high pitched sound ,the paced sounds he had to admit appealed to a part of him
there was something almost intuitively sweet about them
and than a shift/
a change in texture.
like a chess move catching him off guard
a subtle shift in both the "sound" and his response
and mood
a change in texture.
like a chess move catching him off guard
a subtle shift in both the "sound" and his response
and mood
the high pitched sound of his mentor
he stopped pacing.
he had picked up the habit of running his hand through his hair
for all extensive purposes now that he had lost his job
and his already limited connections to "the real world"
in his robe and slippers
a mental patient
he had picked up the habit of running his hand through his hair
for all extensive purposes now that he had lost his job
and his already limited connections to "the real world"
in his robe and slippers
a mental patient
he isn't going to work out Evan thought
this type never does
he was hoping this one would pull through
just roll with it
he made a note to call Lenny about a possible "Happening"
this type never does
he was hoping this one would pull through
just roll with it
he made a note to call Lenny about a possible "Happening"
he thought about god.
how he used to assume god read his thoughts when he was little
how terrifying that sense was.
how he used to assume god read his thoughts when he was little
how terrifying that sense was.
does he never stop Evan thought
aware that it was his job to make Figer's interneural viewings
entertaining,
self absorption of this kind was a catastrophe a death sentence
aware that it was his job to make Figer's interneural viewings
entertaining,
self absorption of this kind was a catastrophe a death sentence
and when his grandfather passed away
how he began picturing his grandfather as an angel studying him.
now that he was with god .in heaven
how he began picturing his grandfather as an angel studying him.
now that he was with god .in heaven
it was a good system
the watchers paid for the the daily workings of Dome,
they paid a fortune for this New TV
so exclusive,so dangerous,
Intraneural TV paid for the more "wholesome ' projects and industries.And way on down
no body would have imagined that
the kings that
ran the world
played Proxy
no body would have imagined that
the kings that
ran the world
played Proxy
.....this game that had been played in one form or another since the pyramid really was a pyramid.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------2-------------------------------------------------------------
if you have something to say say it my face Cole yelled
at the "voices"
if you have something to say say it my face Cole yelled
at the "voices"
"it will spoil it.there's a suspension of disbelief factor at play here" Evan Graphed.
"can I meet you?in real life?"
"whats so great about "real life" Cole?what have you done with real life.What's the world done with real life?"
having listened to what Nessa said
(call her Vanessa,actually don't call her at all Evan said)he couldn't get it out of his mind that this sense this interaction was some technological mind fuck.It took the dimension of his initial "spiritual connection" away.But than again this Evan wasn't always the "love interest" Cole made him out to be.
In fact Evan had kept him awake last night telling him to throw away all his money.
(call her Vanessa,actually don't call her at all Evan said)he couldn't get it out of his mind that this sense this interaction was some technological mind fuck.It took the dimension of his initial "spiritual connection" away.But than again this Evan wasn't always the "love interest" Cole made him out to be.
In fact Evan had kept him awake last night telling him to throw away all his money.
"there's a reason for everything,"Evan said
it wasn't always sound ,it was more like the pulsing.pitch.Like the white noise a giant pulsating fan made.
it was also changes.
to his mood and perceptions.
as if someone had removed the top of his skull and was playing various parts of his brain like a piano.
he wished the key was in only the pleasure centers of his mind
but it was a complicated piece Evan was playing
sometimes he felt like crying for no reason.
It was times like that when he felt like calling Dr.Ling and asking for an appointment or pills.
and all thoughts of being connected to Evan went away
he also had the feeling it wasn't always just Evan
in control
it was also changes.
to his mood and perceptions.
as if someone had removed the top of his skull and was playing various parts of his brain like a piano.
he wished the key was in only the pleasure centers of his mind
but it was a complicated piece Evan was playing
sometimes he felt like crying for no reason.
It was times like that when he felt like calling Dr.Ling and asking for an appointment or pills.
and all thoughts of being connected to Evan went away
he also had the feeling it wasn't always just Evan
in control
sometimes he felt like he was simply connected to his own mind.
bits of him felt as if they were being taken in .and out and reconnected
every matter of thought was presented to him.various styles.
every matter of thought was presented to him.various styles.
"stop it " Evan said,"to over analyze this is to destroy it"
"than destroy it"
"i can destroy you in about 3 minutes.drive you out of your mind ,perhaps for good.would you like that Cole?:
"no"he graphed.
that's not how it's done.we're not having a conversation.Do you understand?
"what do you want?"
white noise
or the sound certain electronics make when a cell phone is on
or the sound certain electronics make when a cell phone is on
strangely when this "link" was severed
he almost forgot about the entire situation,
except that "it" could drive him mad in 3 minutes,
except that "it" could drive him mad in 3 minutes,
strange.
crazy or not
the mind
his mind
he got on with IT"S own commonplace thoughts
crazy or not
the mind
his mind
he got on with IT"S own commonplace thoughts
fix coffee, wash dishes,shave..
but ever so often
Cole felt aware
that someone or something was reading him
Cole felt aware
that someone or something was reading him
"to over analyze it is to destroy it"Evan shouted
fuck you he thought.not at "it"
fuck you he thought.not at "it"
he could deal with the "human" voice if only because he thought he might get somewhere,get a clue to what was asked of him,what it was
but it was the high pitched inhumanity of the other "sounds"
that seemed to tease and tether to his own internal workings
but it was the high pitched inhumanity of the other "sounds"
that seemed to tease and tether to his own internal workings
grabbing and cueing him
He found himself shouting at the ceiling"shut up shut up shut up"
'go to a mental hospital go to a mental hospital" a deep pitch roared.
(we need it documented,he heard.or sensed,as if something had slipped from what he had begun to think of as his "handlers")
a sharper pitch
followed by a whirl of what he sensed as heat.and heard as a low booming
his moods seemed to fluctuate with intensity and the nano seconds between alterations
all the while Cole aware that his inner commentary and observation of "the experience " was setting off the "gods"
the sounds
(we need it documented,he heard.or sensed,as if something had slipped from what he had begun to think of as his "handlers")
a sharper pitch
followed by a whirl of what he sensed as heat.and heard as a low booming
his moods seemed to fluctuate with intensity and the nano seconds between alterations
all the while Cole aware that his inner commentary and observation of "the experience " was setting off the "gods"
the sounds
he stuck his hands to his ears ,rocking back and forth.
he wasn't in control of the "entity" he couldn't make it stop.,
he couldn't shut it off.
he pictured the rest of his life in a mad house.
He forced himself to stop rocking and go to the bathroom to shave.
He saw his face in the mirror drawn tight from the stress.
calm down calm down calm down he hummed to himself,dropping the razor.for one moment wanting to ..
he slashed water on his face.
the sound ,the pace,was slower.he found it soothing .as if his mind had begun responding to another frequency.a calming one
and suddenly he felt buoyant
" atta boy atta boy " Evan graphed
he wasn't in control of the "entity" he couldn't make it stop.,
he couldn't shut it off.
he pictured the rest of his life in a mad house.
He forced himself to stop rocking and go to the bathroom to shave.
He saw his face in the mirror drawn tight from the stress.
calm down calm down calm down he hummed to himself,dropping the razor.for one moment wanting to ..
he slashed water on his face.
the sound ,the pace,was slower.he found it soothing .as if his mind had begun responding to another frequency.a calming one
and suddenly he felt buoyant
" atta boy atta boy " Evan graphed
verygoodverygoodverygoodverygood
//.//.//.//.
ee-ee-ee/ ee/ee/ee ee/ee/ah
some sort of circadian rhythm
not so much in his ears
as in that place in his brain that assimilated sound and process
a loop of gibberish
a pattern
a pattern
only sporadically did he hear and feel THE actual true presence of Evan
he could ignore it sometimes,
the pulse
except when it was either very very enticing
or very very scary
except when it was either very very enticing
or very very scary
an appointment with another shrink
there were pills for this he was sure.
there were pills for this he was sure.
he was convinced now that he had some type of thought disorder.
as if something or someone had gotten inside him
there's a pill for this there's a pill for this he found himself chanting to himself
ee-ee-ee-/ee-ee-ee/ ve/ry good ve/ry good....
he listened less and less to the sound.He had previously thought it was trying to say something.explain it self.
only when Evan truly spoke.or was truly "inside" of him did he feel he was getting anywhere whatsoever as to a connection or understanding
in the past 2 months .since the first day this began(sweet jeeezus was this Cole boring,and the skulk was typing hiz god damn analysis of it ,on the computer.his blog.which read until this day like a typical schizophrenic,in fact Linda N had encouraged him to keep up with his writing .Just in case.uh..something happened.Hearing voices was always a good way to wipe up the mess.my job is to monitor Cole while Evan breaks in other "new recruits" for "Play Time" "play time" is what the elite do when they've had it with golf ,sailing and supermodels intraneural snuff if you asked me.some make it.if you call being a goddamn monitor at Dome making it. but I don't know about poor Cole .Word on high was he /is boring his sponsors to a "Happening" with his intellectual horseshit.I had even read a transcript of one of his outcomes.involving a robbery gone wrong in Encino
"the sponsers preferred the Proxies" to be out and about. Fucking and sucking.Shooting heroin,fighting,smashing things,otherwise what good was Interactive Interface?The fashion designer Figer asked for Cole specifically at an auction,seeing something of Cole in himself.But he warned Evan Interfacing with Cole was like reading some neurotic version Ulysses MORE ACTION.a little less interior conversation I felt like graphing in Cole's brain...but according to the strict rules of Dome .a participant had to follow his own paradigm.A small win for civil liberties,for a man who's thoughts were being blasted all over Los Angeles County.The Fucking Vanessa with her god damn Nancy Drew shit fucked up the introduction.Cole was supposed to think he was possessed not chipped .Talk about a RUINER.I was not allowed to interface with Cole.only Evan could do that.I just had the tedious job of sweeping him up.those ee-ee-ees are some cybernetic neural pulsations based on Rainy's process.to gut out a new constituents mind he had all but lost connection to
he could spend hours being caught up in the
ee/ee/ee/ ee/ee/ee/ of it all
Nessa had told him his Dr thought he might have been "tagged" for some type of experiment with some kind of new
technology for communications
Communications
?
most of the conversations he had were with high pitched.
mid pitched
and low pitched pulses that stupefied him into a trance
interspersed with what was essentially a rebroadcast of his own thoughts.
I cant take it anymore I said to Evan
this guy is boring me to fuckin tears
he told me I only have to "listen" every 20 minutes or so.
maybe later you can tell him a story Evan said
Nessa had told him his Dr thought he might have been "tagged" for some type of experiment with some kind of new
technology for communications
Communications
?
most of the conversations he had were with high pitched.
mid pitched
and low pitched pulses that stupefied him into a trance
interspersed with what was essentially a rebroadcast of his own thoughts.
I cant take it anymore I said to Evan
this guy is boring me to fuckin tears
he told me I only have to "listen" every 20 minutes or so.
maybe later you can tell him a story Evan said
it took sometimes days to set up "a story"
usually one based on the subjects own fears and desires.
Figer had a cold streak
and liked t watch his "kids" dance around sometimes
the whole nine yards
hands to ears.
running down the street.
talking to themselves in the street.
perhaps you've seen them
usually one based on the subjects own fears and desires.
Figer had a cold streak
and liked t watch his "kids" dance around sometimes
the whole nine yards
hands to ears.
running down the street.
talking to themselves in the street.
perhaps you've seen them
-------------------------------------------------------------3--------------------------------------------------------
Figer watched.
mainly when he was in the car.
his new aquisition
was not worth a scotch and an easy chair in the media room
he was barely more interesting than the view of the new jersey expressway on his way to his house in Elizabeth
he removed the headset
his last image of Cole at a goddamn coffee house .doing what .typing as usual.
his last image of Cole at a goddamn coffee house .doing what .typing as usual.
he called Proxy Cyber
and spoke to Linda N.
"make him do something make him do something NOW or I want my money back"
and spoke to Linda N.
"make him do something make him do something NOW or I want my money back"
Linda called Evan who called Tim.
Tim had gone through "the Process""and knew how to get an automatic response.
"Evan said i couldnt go neural"
Tim had gone through "the Process""and knew how to get an automatic response.
"Evan said i couldnt go neural"
"Figer is in the car,he needs something,he says he's beyond bored.it doesnt have to be grand,but Cole isnt trying at all"
Tim put on his headset and in 3 seconds was" inside" Cole
Linda N called Figer and told him to put on his headset.
Cole felt a new sensation.It wasn't Evan but something else.
he put down his pen and notebook and stood up.
the coffee house was empty except for a few "artsy " types.
He placed his hand over his heart and began reciting the pledge of allegiance
he put down his pen and notebook and stood up.
the coffee house was empty except for a few "artsy " types.
He placed his hand over his heart and began reciting the pledge of allegiance
it wasnt much,Figer thought,very obviously "commandeered"Figer wanted the lack of embarrassment and wherewithal to "dare"
to be intrinsically Cole's "being ness'........ Figer didn't want some "puppet show"
but than again Cole was only 2 months in.
Figer thought .he could have resisted.
studying Cole's neurals prior to Cole saying the pledge
Figer noticed there was a certain satisfaction in Cole about now being "allowed" to say"who gives a fuck"
to be intrinsically Cole's "being ness'........ Figer didn't want some "puppet show"
but than again Cole was only 2 months in.
Figer thought .he could have resisted.
studying Cole's neurals prior to Cole saying the pledge
Figer noticed there was a certain satisfaction in Cole about now being "allowed" to say"who gives a fuck"
later than evening Figer played Cole's entire days reading
straight to Cole's cortex in reverse.
straight to Cole's cortex in reverse.
to get Cole into a new setting.
(4))
IN THE HOSPITAL Cole felt part of him die.
and Cole knew this death ..and all the small deaths of himself that came
were and would be the only thing that would keep him alive
he had been bullied in school..but only as much as the next guy.
he was never a target.
and he was never a bully.only as much as the next guy.but much much less.
he thought.
all there was to do in this loony bin was think
and be thought to.
all there was to do in this mental hospital was see and hear the same things he saw and heard..
and Cole knew this death ..and all the small deaths of himself that came
were and would be the only thing that would keep him alive
he had been bullied in school..but only as much as the next guy.
he was never a target.
and he was never a bully.only as much as the next guy.but much much less.
he thought.
all there was to do in this loony bin was think
and be thought to.
all there was to do in this mental hospital was see and hear the same things he saw and heard..
out there.
did he really think it would be better here? in a way it was worse.
he was now locked in.
the pills they said would take time
but weeks had passed.
the voices told him not to tell anyone at the mental hospital
tell them something but not about this..tell them anything but not about this ..tell them this but not about anything
What IS HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!! cole heard himself screaming
cole noted that the voices ...went in synch with his own mood about himself ..about the "situation' ...if his thoughts were cold and cruel the voices would do like wise....as if to make him stop..but he could not and would not ..and nor would the voices ...tellthemanythingbut but don't tell them this ...tellthem this but don't tell them anything ....tell them any /thing/but don't /tell them this
what they hell is happening Cole said softer...not wanting a nurse to poke his or her head in.
He hated them
he hated their normalcy now.
he hated anyone SANE
stop stop stop Cole said ,cole thought to no one.no one no no one
but this was not so
that his thought went to no one
not anymore.
briefly Cole thought of G-d.and how he used to wish for a G-d that spoke back.. and for dreams that never ended....thinking this Cole felt himself relax..but he wouldn't ..he couldn't for some reason LET THEM...feel his anger taper...not after that night...of backward thinking..
but it wasn't all night it might not have even been more than 15 minutes...Cole somehow knew "it' went on ONLY as long as ..his sanity could take it..
a cab was right out side when cole left his apartment....the cab driver didn't say "are you cole" but he did say..."the hospital?"
how did the cab driver know.
every thought Cole had been informed
informed BY THEM in that crazy way they could now speak to him
every thought would go to them
WHY AM I IN A LOONY BIN why have you driven me mad!!!!!! cole yelled .
and this time he didn't care who heard him
he began holding his head ..like a mad man would..
the thought of the snack time the hospital had .Yes snack time,snack time Cole thought for grown men...this fact somehow
made Cole more frightened than the voices and visions
'I am now a man who knows what snack time is like in a mental hospital"
will I always be mad?
I am not supposed to be a man who KNOWS what snack time is like in a loony bin
He hated THEM for this
this especially
Cole began banging his head against the wall hoping somehow this pain would be "interfaced " back at them..
did he really think it would be better here? in a way it was worse.
he was now locked in.
the pills they said would take time
but weeks had passed.
the voices told him not to tell anyone at the mental hospital
tell them something but not about this..tell them anything but not about this ..tell them this but not about anything
What IS HAPPENING TO ME!!!!!! cole heard himself screaming
cole noted that the voices ...went in synch with his own mood about himself ..about the "situation' ...if his thoughts were cold and cruel the voices would do like wise....as if to make him stop..but he could not and would not ..and nor would the voices ...tellthemanythingbut but don't tell them this ...tellthem this but don't tell them anything ....tell them any /thing/but don't /tell them this
what they hell is happening Cole said softer...not wanting a nurse to poke his or her head in.
He hated them
he hated their normalcy now.
he hated anyone SANE
stop stop stop Cole said ,cole thought to no one.no one no no one
but this was not so
that his thought went to no one
not anymore.
briefly Cole thought of G-d.and how he used to wish for a G-d that spoke back.. and for dreams that never ended....thinking this Cole felt himself relax..but he wouldn't ..he couldn't for some reason LET THEM...feel his anger taper...not after that night...of backward thinking..
but it wasn't all night it might not have even been more than 15 minutes...Cole somehow knew "it' went on ONLY as long as ..his sanity could take it..
a cab was right out side when cole left his apartment....the cab driver didn't say "are you cole" but he did say..."the hospital?"
how did the cab driver know.
every thought Cole had been informed
informed BY THEM in that crazy way they could now speak to him
every thought would go to them
WHY AM I IN A LOONY BIN why have you driven me mad!!!!!! cole yelled .
and this time he didn't care who heard him
he began holding his head ..like a mad man would..
the thought of the snack time the hospital had .Yes snack time,snack time Cole thought for grown men...this fact somehow
made Cole more frightened than the voices and visions
'I am now a man who knows what snack time is like in a mental hospital"
will I always be mad?
I am not supposed to be a man who KNOWS what snack time is like in a loony bin
He hated THEM for this
this especially
Cole began banging his head against the wall hoping somehow this pain would be "interfaced " back at them..
"I am GOING MAD," cole thought
and suddenly Cole began laughing
and suddenly Cole realized why in movies and tv the mad people laughed.
and suddenly Cole began laughing
and suddenly Cole realized why in movies and tv the mad people laughed.
suddenly a thought came to Cole.
a kind thought
Who was he to think he was now less of a person ..by being in a loony bin..as this implied that the patients he had met in the hospital were also less
the people he had met ,the patients ..in fact seemed MORE
than most people he had met
'in real life"...there was something
almost mystical. And beautiful about the other patients..that was missing from
those he knew ..out there ..
a kind thought
Who was he to think he was now less of a person ..by being in a loony bin..as this implied that the patients he had met in the hospital were also less
the people he had met ,the patients ..in fact seemed MORE
than most people he had met
'in real life"...there was something
almost mystical. And beautiful about the other patients..that was missing from
those he knew ..out there ..
'you needed to come here ..they all do...to get accustomed to the New Way" the pleasant voice of a "man' who called himself Evan Rainy graphed..interfaced ...telepathized..
Cole couldn't deal with this Evan..this Evan Rainy
whatever it was..whatever HE was..
reading his thoughts ..
Cole most usually did nopt consciously READ his own thoughts..and
now had become self conscious about every itch he had ..every blink..every cough
Cole jumped up out of the bed and almost ran to be with other people..
to feel sane
to feel human.
(5)
to feel sane
to feel human.
(5)
back in the room
alone
on his back .
staring at the white ceiling wishing it had patterns in it..on it..even a high gloss.
Cole had begun feeling his blanket...his clothing's texture...
wondering if he was doing it to transmit
back to them
the sense of touch
..
his mood was good..
he wanted to give this Rainy character some back ...for the mood ..Cole somehow knew was not his
but something laid upon him that was heightened..
a better version of himself
but as soon as he began thinking about "it' the mood went away
as if reneged upon
alone
on his back .
staring at the white ceiling wishing it had patterns in it..on it..even a high gloss.
Cole had begun feeling his blanket...his clothing's texture...
wondering if he was doing it to transmit
back to them
the sense of touch
..
his mood was good..
he wanted to give this Rainy character some back ...for the mood ..Cole somehow knew was not his
but something laid upon him that was heightened..
a better version of himself
but as soon as he began thinking about "it' the mood went away
as if reneged upon
"fuck you EvanRainy," Cole thought to "it' and let the pills the nurses gave him slow his anger ,blur his worries.
he remembered the kids in jr high ..in high school who were bullied mercilessly.
and tried to think of how they coped..
what they did. to deal
but he couldn't think of anything.
they didn't do anything..
except become blanker.
except die Cole thought little small deaths of themselves ..each day..
but they could have fought back
..cole was suddenly furious at these guys who took it
they SAW and heard ..who was doing it to them..in front of their ears and eyes.
cole didn't care how much bigger they were..stronger..meaner..
THEY WERE REAL
they could be dealt with somehow.
HURT
it wasn't like this..
it wasn't like this where the enemy may as well be a ghost.
he remembered the kids in jr high ..in high school who were bullied mercilessly.
and tried to think of how they coped..
what they did. to deal
but he couldn't think of anything.
they didn't do anything..
except become blanker.
except die Cole thought little small deaths of themselves ..each day..
but they could have fought back
..cole was suddenly furious at these guys who took it
they SAW and heard ..who was doing it to them..in front of their ears and eyes.
cole didn't care how much bigger they were..stronger..meaner..
THEY WERE REAL
they could be dealt with somehow.
HURT
it wasn't like this..
it wasn't like this where the enemy may as well be a ghost.
or insanity.
but he knew it was not either.
they had made sure to let him know ..explaining technological things to lead Cole to seek verification
online in books
things they had told him before he looked it up..
but he knew it was not either.
they had made sure to let him know ..explaining technological things to lead Cole to seek verification
online in books
things they had told him before he looked it up..
these were the strange things cole couldn't quite remember.
as there was some kind of pause button on him when so much of this initially began
mesmerized at the start more than frightened.
but it wasn't him feeling this lack of feeling.
it was something else..
making sure he never quite took it in..
except in jumps and starts.
he was on some kind of auto pilot.
some type of un natural glide system..so out of his understanding or comprehension that at the time he thought somehow nothing of it ..while ONLY thinking of IT
his mind reverted to some sense of childishness wonderment..
as if he was inside a never ending dream..
but the dream was not his..
and it didn't matter ..because Cole didn't matter to these PEOPLE
it was impossible to think of PEOPLE actually doing this.
Cole had tried to think of not the way THIS was done but of the chairs ...or booths ..or types of wearables that
Men (or women ,who knew?who knew really ?) who 'man-ed another man like the man was a car..
might use..
did they work in shifts..
?
did they have time cards?
did they work in teams?
how many people knew about this..
how many people were watching what he saw and thought and fantasized about..
?
dozens hundreds thousands.
did they place bets on his next move.
did they wear headsets..or hairnets..or full body suits ..in NASA like spheres.
it was insane to think about
Cole had nothing to "go with'
nothing to go on
How the hell could he expect anyone else to believe him when he himself could not ..
not really.
it was beyond something someone should ever need to uinderstand
as there was some kind of pause button on him when so much of this initially began
mesmerized at the start more than frightened.
but it wasn't him feeling this lack of feeling.
it was something else..
making sure he never quite took it in..
except in jumps and starts.
he was on some kind of auto pilot.
some type of un natural glide system..so out of his understanding or comprehension that at the time he thought somehow nothing of it ..while ONLY thinking of IT
his mind reverted to some sense of childishness wonderment..
as if he was inside a never ending dream..
but the dream was not his..
and it didn't matter ..because Cole didn't matter to these PEOPLE
it was impossible to think of PEOPLE actually doing this.
Cole had tried to think of not the way THIS was done but of the chairs ...or booths ..or types of wearables that
Men (or women ,who knew?who knew really ?) who 'man-ed another man like the man was a car..
might use..
did they work in shifts..
?
did they have time cards?
did they work in teams?
how many people knew about this..
how many people were watching what he saw and thought and fantasized about..
?
dozens hundreds thousands.
did they place bets on his next move.
did they wear headsets..or hairnets..or full body suits ..in NASA like spheres.
it was insane to think about
Cole had nothing to "go with'
nothing to go on
How the hell could he expect anyone else to believe him when he himself could not ..
not really.
it was beyond something someone should ever need to uinderstand
but than again Cole thought ..If he KNEW ..if he knew for sure..what would or could he do?
his lack of pity for the boys who were bullied mercilessly now seemed so cold and wrong
if he knew..where these people were.
would he ..knock down doors ..burn the ..the what ..the hanger? the control room..the dj booth ? the space station down?
were they even people or just some huge super computer...
making talk and talk and study and mirror red talk with him..
this hospital
was making him think too much
this horrible place ..this horrible whit eroom and this ceiling...
the rooms cole stayed in were never
his lack of pity for the boys who were bullied mercilessly now seemed so cold and wrong
if he knew..where these people were.
would he ..knock down doors ..burn the ..the what ..the hanger? the control room..the dj booth ? the space station down?
were they even people or just some huge super computer...
making talk and talk and study and mirror red talk with him..
this hospital
was making him think too much
this horrible place ..this horrible whit eroom and this ceiling...
the rooms cole stayed in were never
------------------------------------------------------------------6--------------------------------------------------
I layed in bed
happy to be out of the hospital
Vanessa had
welcomed me home
made me dinner
I didn't it.
Figer gleaned
I made a show of eating
but I slipped little pieces of food into my napkin
happy to be out of the hospital
Vanessa had
welcomed me home
made me dinner
I didn't it.
Figer gleaned
I made a show of eating
but I slipped little pieces of food into my napkin
why had Vanessa put those strange thoughts about technology in my head?Who was she really
Figer knew Evan wasn't on call at Proxy Cyber
everything Cole was thinking was going straight into his live read.
He wished he could put Cole on pause.
he wished anyone could put Cole on pause.
on stop actually.
the guy was a loose cannon
i met Nessa only three years ago
maybe she knew something she wasnt letting on
it was if he was intentially ruining the Fun
Evan had said a few weeks in the spin bin might work some of this outrageous paranoia out of his head.
and now he didnt only seem to be "I'm hearing voices nuts"
but someones poisoning my food nuts
"Houston we have a problem" he text ed Evan knowing he always kept his portable set with him
Figer knew Evan wasn't on call at Proxy Cyber
everything Cole was thinking was going straight into his live read.
He wished he could put Cole on pause.
he wished anyone could put Cole on pause.
on stop actually.
the guy was a loose cannon
i met Nessa only three years ago
maybe she knew something she wasnt letting on
it was if he was intentially ruining the Fun
Evan had said a few weeks in the spin bin might work some of this outrageous paranoia out of his head.
and now he didnt only seem to be "I'm hearing voices nuts"
but someones poisoning my food nuts
"Houston we have a problem" he text ed Evan knowing he always kept his portable set with him
"good god Cole,put a muzzle on it"Figer 'heard" Evan graph Cole
this isnt about the tool.it's about the New Way
it's about clearing your mind
teaching you how to not think in words
Did earliest man think in words?
I can't I can't i can't
I will teach you
i will scare the words .
away
this isnt about the tool.it's about the New Way
it's about clearing your mind
teaching you how to not think in words
Did earliest man think in words?
I can't I can't i can't
I will teach you
i will scare the words .
away
Figer knew there was some kind of fancy purpose to "this"
that the spectators.like him
were by some considered depraved for wanting observe the "breaking in"
for entertainment
but Figer saw himself more as a silent partner
like a financier who watched a young boxer being trained.
who he asked
if they had the means wouldn't want to know what really is going on in someone else's mind
most of the tutoring was private.one on one.someone had to pay for this
and if he "got off" on it who cared.
the amount of cash he invested in The Boys could build a small country
in fact ,it was .wasnt it
Figer could care less about the old way the new way or any other way but a good show
and Cole was boring the shit out of him.
he wanted Cole gone.
and he wanted to watch.
Proxy Cyber never spoke about what they did to the 'actors"
but he had heard from David that for a little bit more money even the strangest tastes were satisfied.
after all.New Way aside
This WAS Television.
that the spectators.like him
were by some considered depraved for wanting observe the "breaking in"
for entertainment
but Figer saw himself more as a silent partner
like a financier who watched a young boxer being trained.
who he asked
if they had the means wouldn't want to know what really is going on in someone else's mind
most of the tutoring was private.one on one.someone had to pay for this
and if he "got off" on it who cared.
the amount of cash he invested in The Boys could build a small country
in fact ,it was .wasnt it
Figer could care less about the old way the new way or any other way but a good show
and Cole was boring the shit out of him.
he wanted Cole gone.
and he wanted to watch.
Proxy Cyber never spoke about what they did to the 'actors"
but he had heard from David that for a little bit more money even the strangest tastes were satisfied.
after all.New Way aside
This WAS Television.
----------------------------------------------------------$-----------------------------------------------------------
you HAVE to get it together Cole.Do you understand
Fuck you ,Cole thought at the voice.He had a prescription for tranquilizers.But had decided in the hospital he didnt care what they said .This wasn't some episode.
Prescription drugs such as thorazine etc all but stopped their neural reading AND made them worthless to investors.it was a fine line with The Boys.It was he that got into trouble when he pushed them too hard.But if he didn't train them they tended to back track ,the sooner Cole got used to the situation the better.It was the way Cole thought that was annoying.Figer wanted Cole to enjoy life.
to lose some of his serious arty mannerisms and Figer was not a very patient man.He worked hard all his life and had acquired both a reputation and an empire in the fashion world and naturally demanded and expected his Proxy to respect and appreciate this gift.Not some namby pamby why me why me crazy bullshit.It was the Keith incident all over again.
