all night Cole worked witha ruler.
Than without a ruler.
Than with a circle.
Than without a circle
To form the perfect
or less than perfect
Black Triangle.
A symbol Linda N
tolm him
could be applied to rust proof high gloss pins.
at 20 cents on the dollar Linda saw the Black Triangles as a mini gold mine
and a way to peruse
just who might purchase a pin such as this
that represented "crazy"
just as the Pink Trinagle "optioned" by "the gays"
made a small mint for ***
Linda figured if Cole could sell 30,000 Black Triangle pins ot $4.50
next would come coffee mugs
T-shirts
..
perhaps a sportswear line...
although Linda  wonder if "so -called crazy people" exercised

he snapped his fingers at a waiter and rolled his eyes
.
"man i haven't gone to the gym for 2 days,"he said
touching his fore arm.
"I just get so depressed when I don't work out."he said,than louder smiling and looking around again"At the gym"
i met Grant because he was pretty sure a friend of his was Domed.this friend who had ended up in a mental hospital because of it.
it was just odd,this guy talking about the unbelievableness of bad waiter service,his friend who was Domed and intraneural interface all with the exact same amount of concern.
I asked him a bit about his friend
he took me through the usual ....zombieway 2 ways shit.and every hypothesis on line and in crazy speak
than got to the heart on the matter...so and so was found in a coffee house crying or....complaining of some kind of turmoil"
he circled his finger around his ear.
..and finally they subdued him in a  mental hospital...
"he's not supposed to speak to me anymore.

I pulled my chair away from the table
"sorry I must go"I said "if your friend doesnt wish to speak to you neither do I."

I left a book of Enways on the table.

 

 

i .
didnt trust here after all
she was the one
who.......******
but one never knwos.

i spent the day reading the Wentworths.
2005,a great beach read.

why she would ask me to give it a go..after the"beauty" fiasco..is beyond me..

she wasn't with The New Way..she didn't have "the Look"
but..
it all seems
to go together..
..
a drumming feeling
or healing?
of who cares .
who cares is taking over my

...
convictions..

 

 

 

"see what you can do with it" she texted...some explanation with blah blah blah about how *** pulled out..and since  I seem to like writing so much...

..I think I can find you a nice place in North Hollywood..a sublet.."

 

it didnt suprise Oliver Moriarity that Dome had tagged his son Peter.Oliver happened to be a software developer at Honeywel and was all too familiar with intra cerebral testing sweeps done in and around Hollywood and North Hollywood for "mules"It was just like Pete to be taken for a "non person" drifter.It sometimes seemed as if Pete went out of his way to look and assume the posture of street trash when in fact he lived in one of the better neighborhoods of Encino.So when Pete who had previously had a problem with drugs came home clasping his hands over his ears it talking of hearing voices it was all Oliver could do to refrain from saying,"I told you so"
Pete informed him that "all he had done" was smoke some crack that previous evening in a hotel with an older couple who "spoke weird"
Oliver asked him what speaking "weird" meant
"i can't explain it,"said a panicked Pete moving in frenzied circles around the living room .,"it was as if they were playing with me,suggesting things I don't know ,I don't know!It's not as if it's coming from my ears.it's fro somewhere inside"
"inside what?" Oliver asked,already coming to conclusions aside from the "all we had done was smoke crack"."do you think you can get through the night Pete?"Oliver asked .

the next morning Oliver asked some of the "security officers" "did we do a sweep and seed in North Hollywood last night?next asking if he could borrow a sensing wand to see if an RFD chip in his cat was still viable after a skin infection.At home that evening he did off rake of Pete's hairline and other places lice- like hot tips might settle in,not surprisingly the "chip" wand calibrated like a christmas tree.Mostly around Petes pate and mid skull.
The  illegality of human testing in his chosen field required some diplomacy.What some might consider abhorrent Oliver considered standard practice ,certainly nothing to make the fuss his wayward son was making about "a few little bugs"probably for some schematic integrated design department at one of the universities.Oliver took Pete ,still with hands over his ears ,which Oliver found odd as this type of spacing of nano was more indicative of voice to skull loops than traditional
comb embeds.Hmmm,he'd have to ask Pete about the pulse rhythms ,When Pete's hysterics passed.
Oliver placed a call to a private physician who was familiar with delicate matters.
It was all Oliver could do to not slap his half sobbing half screaming son during the long trip to Banning.
"see what happens when you lay down with fleas?Oliver said,"one sometimes gets bugs"
in less than twenty minutes the filaments were removed and "the voices' stopped.The removed micro placed neatly in a small plasticine bag
the next morning a smiling  Pete told his father he had called a lawyer to "find , destroy and restitute"
himself ."i may never have to work again"
Oliver reminded Pete he hadnt worked a day in his life and focused on the  paper.
"
Oliver imagined the dollar signs Pete saw in "this case"or the press,as if he would want to "get famous" being tagged like some street bum.
" I want those bugs.or whatever you call them"
"what bugs?"Oliver asked
"the bugs we drove all the way to banning to get taken out of me"
".It's not something one pursues.It's something one forgets.Besides .There's a very good chance that the entire situation was drug induced."
"you scanned me with a wand Dad...well,with or without I will get to the bottom of this,Or my lawyer will."
Oliver stood up and cracked the now folded paper on the kitchen table.
"Leave my house.Pack your bags.And go.Now.I will not have a crazy person in my house.I will not have a crazy person talking about bugs and chips in my house.

 

I read Cole's forms.

I paced my responses accordingly

I smiled in sympathetic understanding

and refilled his prescription

He is coming along

he is salling behind

he makes me sick

.................................................................................................................................but it is worth it

to make him well

or had better be


Evan is not pleased.

But there is hope..

and it was funny

watching him pin the black triangle on his coat

like I really meant it..

in a few years we will laugh about it.

if he makes it

 

that far





 

Cole >week 36

Keep it to yourself.

(I would have)

But not “in the future”

Where/when

It will not be possible

Will I discuss publicly

That as a child for instance

I compulsively

Masturbated

Rubbing up against this and that

Before I even knew

What I was doing

Or

What the term masturbation referred to

I guess I did it to simply feel “good”

Or to not feel bad.

?

 

There was a shame to it ..

Strange there was a shame before

Before even I knew

It was

Wrong.

 

Much like the shame  of doing drugs

Like I do now

To feel good

Or to not feel bad

 

I pounded my head  with my fist

 A habit

I now even did in the streets

 

I am not a particularly good person

My sickness aside

 

I don’t know why

I care if I exist

 

I believe in god

 ..

I didn’t before.

Before this

 

I didn’t need to.

I sort of agree with The New Way’s “no pathology”

“no excuses”

I DON”T THINK

OR

FEEL RIGHT

 

I never did

I am aggressive

I am Mean

 I am cold

 I am careless

 I have tics

These tics are also in my mind

I can’t explain …

But Going against my Mentors

 I do not believe that what one thinks

“goodness”  or Has much to do with a person’s

“personhood”

..

As in

Being one

With the world

And wishing no ill will toward It

Or my fellowmen

I am not even hateful towards my mentors

Who have tried their best

Thank goodness Lisa had left the plates unwashed
and there was something to occupy my mind beside
Cole's endless "reverie"

 

 

my doctor said.
i could leave the house and walk around freely
as long
as I wore
a tag
informing
the general public I was
"not right"

 

did i have a choice?

Oh you have a choice alright?
Dig it

or die

 

have we got that whole.,
concentration

camp
I am owned

by
...
such and such out of our system?

Can
we please just get on with it?

 

Evan Graphed

David waited in his car

 

 

behind a Laundromat
The inserts were never meant for private use.

David hated explaining the technology
but alot of the clients needed some kind of scientific mindfuck of information or they didnt feel they were getting their money's worth


audio can be sent to the auditory cortex of the subject's brain (bypassing the ears) and images can be sent into the visual cortex.

The inserts can alter a subject's perceptions, moods and motor control.

Dome allows for a complete audiovisual brain-to-computer link.

The EMF emission from the brain can be decoded into the current thoughts, images and sounds in the subject's brain.

 

coded and pulsed    
electromagnetic signal  trigger evoked potentials (events) in the brain,
 thereby forming sound and visual images in the brains' neural circuits. EMF Brain Stimulation can also change a person's brain-states and affect motor control.

 

Two-way electronic Brain-Link or Graphing is done by
remotely
monitoring neural audiovisual information while transmitting sound

bypassing the ears and transmitting faint images to the visual cortex bypassing the optic nerves and eyes

 

 The  man he would meet in the laundry
 wanted to Loony up his wife


 

it's ingenious actually how on target these guys are.
in terms
of pushing buttons

for instance
i
and several gay men
I know
have a "fear"
and almost

embedded
shiver
...
spasm
roll over
regression

(something to that reguard)
let me explain
I am
almost finished...
my mind is
going
...
i am being reduced.
..i will soon be removed..

but the sound and vision.continues
almost pulse for pulse.
as I am on ritalin


i hate the stuff.
but I want to really BE HERE
for The End

 

 

 

 

 

MNEMOSYNE : Greek Titan goddess of memory ; mythology ... www.theoi.com › Titan › TitanisMnemos... MNEMOSYNE was Titan goddess of memory and remembrance and the inventress of language and words.

Oxytocin (Oxt) ( /ˌɒksɨˈtoʊsɪn/) is a mammalian hormone that acts primarily as a neuromodulator in the brain.

The inability to secrete oxytocin and feel empathy is linked to sociopathy, psychopathy, narcissism,^{[citation needed]} and general manipulativeness.^{[not verified in body]} However, there is some evidence that oxytocin promotes 'tribal' behaviour, incorporating the trust and empathy of in-groups with their suspicion and rejection of outsiders.

 

The word oxytocin was derived from Greek ὀξύς, oxys, and τόκος, tokos, meaning "quick birth",

Oxytocin (ball-and-stick) bound to its carrier protein neurophysin (ribbons)

ed by Vincent du Vigneaud in 1953, work for which he received the Nobel Prize in Chemistry in 1955.

 

we goin to Disneyland

Each year, the world's leading thinkers and doers gather for an event many describe as the highlight of their year. Attendees have called it "The ultimate brain spa" and "A 4-day journey into the future, in the company of those creating it The TED conference ...a frontrunner in the future of new communications Disney had attained pantents in Brain Computer/Intraneural Interface without informing either the *** or *** of it's "jumpstart" more concerned with profits than the rather obvious applications of such machinery as a weapon

IN THE nEW wAY

ON THIS PERFECT DAY

 TheY GAVE WARNING

I will be taken care of.

i will never see it coming

IN THE nEW wAY

ON THIS PERFECT DAY

i GAVE WARNING

....CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW
 

.....THERE IS A CERTAIN TYPE OF PERSON
IF ONE .
IS HONEST
TO THEIR CORE.

THAT
ADMITS

NOT A PATHOLOGY
OF THE ...SOCIOPATHIC SORT
BUT A....
PRIMITIVE.
AND FUTURISTIC
NEED

FOR SPEED.
AND HEAT
.
AND
IF RENDERED CURED
A
CREED
OF
HUNT
FOR

them
...TALKING CRAZY .
EVAN GRAPHS
KNOWING 
i AM
FINALLY WITHOUT WORDS.



pointed
LIKE A BLADE

A SiCKO CAN ONLY BE CURED BY A CERTAIN THERAPY.

IS THAT SO i GRAPHED.

eVAN .
IT SEEMED
HAD MORPHED INTO A KINDER GENTLER."GODHEAD TYPE OF.."SLUMLORD"
WE NOW SIMPLY THINK OF YOU
AS THE EQUIVALENT OF POND SCUM

A RELIEF .SWEPT OVER ME AND AN OVERWHELMING SENSE OF LOVE AND BEAUTY
ALMOST TOO INTENSE

NOT SO FAST BUDDY

EVERYTHING
IN
THE RIGHT MEASURE



 

fair game

Phila- 2012 april another detractor.
another acquaintance who goes on the list.
the list of Perisherables.
i sometimes throw away the list when i am in a good mood.
or move various perishables up and down on the list.
those who will be left behind
or left to their own devices
when the bough breaks etc etc.
a jokester type.you know the type always something to say.
especially when he knows he shouldnt .he's just intching though to say the wrong thing.deliberately.especially if it might hurt you.
Or hurt the Cause at hand.
in this case the blog.(it is not really a blog it is just an easy way to not lose paper)
people who say the wrong thing sometimes cant help it.people with tourettes ,aspergers ,other stuff.they can't help it.you see.it's in them like a piece of something inbetween your teeth.
that is different from this other type.
in a big way
i can tell the differnece .i know these things i sense these things.
he says."so Hows the manifesto.i read it today.the Manifesto....yap yap yap he goes on.putting it down.
he's on the list.is all i can say.
it was just time before he got there anyway.

but it got me thinking besides.
maybe this is some manefesto.
and is that a bad thing?
and maybe i must move away from the computer and all things that beep and light up and make noise and bug me .like tv and phones .
like other manifesto writers seem too.
it;s supposedly not good to write a manifesto.they seem to put those people away sometimes.
so maybe i'll just go away sometime soon .and write it anyway .but be very careful not to call it that.
or something biblical .which is really more what it is.
but thats not good either.
it sounds a bit...uh...self important and arrogant to say one has been chosen to write the New Way
especially when i have taken so many liberties with what I have heard and experienced
from word on high.
I am not a very good writer.and i have very little social skills.but i can tell instantly who
is what .
you'd be suprised.
.

April 7 at 11:13pm · Edited · Like

 

 Thursday, April 26, 2012 the New Way.saved me..Neuronautics saved me.Gary Rainy's teachings save me .from myself..this isn't about Merge bio tech..but emerging..it's a tool.is all ..training wheels..screw all Ruiners who think i joined a cult..No..no not quite..THEY are the Cult
.oh by all means read on and amuse yourself ...though.one way or another your reaction has been recorded....by Entities...and any right minded soul knows without knowing that what i say is the truth.I can write this you see.because I have been punished and therefore purified..Ruiner sense this.they do not understand that
"goodness comes at the end.I am not so far from good. now..but luckily much further away from "Nice" Becuas e.Nice is a lie.Good .I desire.more and more.it was not" good "to come back to philly.I am not Good here.I am not here to rest or recover.not really.I am confused and angry is all.and lost.I fear leaving to whereever i go next because i do not have the proper things to continue on my journey.stuff like money and credit.usually I am provided for.somehow.but I ran.I couldnt change.I am stupid here.

you write this for attention I hear
in adavnce
do I?
Do I write this for attention
maybe it started as something else.way months ago.it is different now.
somehow it is.
yes I needed attention cuz i used this previously as a way to show art.and some haphazzard attempts at screen writng etc..
now.
no.
i thought quite hard about this.
nor do i now think there are people with money to promote theis New Way.I was presented with.

or even cash enuf for me to move more freely to write my sometimes ordained jottings.( i cannot help but toss in my own bits of..bits and stuff cuz I am for now at least too too human and stuck so in the old way
did i just notice a "masked" though implied squeak for donation
for unfettered and much needed Thought and dilligence to the task at hand.
I am guilty.I am guilty of need.
of need of Time and some mild comfort to compose The New Way anthems in such a fashion that I am only Beholden to true Forces
yes future detractor ! I seem stupid and half assed now.! but you shall see the progression
even if i go far from computers and cities.
fuck you ! who judges my raging as coarse!
I am also often pulverized by my "bosses",The forces,the powers that be(they can make my left arm hurt.and sometimes my leg becomes like that guy in the Usual Suspects.)why? because i think they like subordination.
sometimes i believe that is there only reason for these specific games

a schizophrenic you say.
garden variety psychotic
.and he bores me.
this is going nowhere
HA!
this schizo-brainsalad meandering mealymouthedmendacity is my cover .my shield.
who amongst you is not afraid of insanity!
of your own and others?
(ha! when the clock hits the fan .who will be ready.and able .to take it (AND GIVE IT back!)but the LUNATIC.and than you shall ask him for help help help.
Ha.you didnt even throw him a piece of bread.RUN FOR your lives!no
walk.it doesnt matter.

 

 funny that I recieved little guff when discussing the technological aspects of my Neuronautic Mentorship.
and my
communication Process with thE"apps" they shoved in my arm for the interneural interface
no..that didn't bother my roomates..XXXX just says ''''shhhhhhh"like he knows....it''s so odd seeing him again..since I came back from LA he seems so fuckable...it's Liam who is the problem..the other roomates are just stoned...or "out" ...that's what's good about rooming with actors..they always are out "networking" ...dating ...for a part...I find myself judging them...mainly cuz' they judge me...and say ..How can a Jew be a Neuronaut..how can a Fag be a Neuronaut...Neuronautics hates fags and jews..Oooh really...? they took that out of "the book" you dike ..Liam is ok but ...thinks I'm like swengali-ed or something..he didnt mind me explaing the "tech" but goes all Ruiner on me
when I talk about the Divine aspects of Neuronautics..and can see why they didn't want me to come back to ...people who would MAKE ME revert...my Face to face team expalined ..that Ruiners "will say anything" to bring a person who is Higher On the Scale of Human Being ship down to their level...d that i will be wasting my breath and Beingship trying to explain Gary Rainy's teachings. Liam has I am beginniung to think a Ruiner Life Force..he makes me always in a defensive mode.and want to punch him while I explain Neuronautics IS a religion and not corperation.People who talk like that ...shouldnt be allowed to TALK at all.. Questions Gary Rainy says are usually Ruiner WAY of trying to jumble up.people who ve found The New WAY.

my talk of The Forces seems to scare Liam

.He says my eyes get funny when I speak of it.

He fears, he says that I will not "come back"..He seems to think I "am gone"

I stop my pacing .I have an idea how i "come off" to him

and this idea collides with a tear coming down Liam's face.

and suddenly I feel like tearing up as well.

one feeling leads to another

.I think of Liam"s true concern for my "sanity"

thought come.too fast

my mother

.my father

.not as 'symbols" but as real people.

I think about how I have written about them "in my story"

collateral damage .

symbols. cues .as "bianary data" to clear my head.and soul

I have been so removed from emotion and warmth since so much of this began last spring.and even before.I am close with no one now.Only the Forces.

I stop myself.

Before I "regress"

Liam called Proxy 's methods into question.How he said they were not benevalent .and .how they manipulate people

"why shouldnt they manipulate.Why shouldnt they try to alter me?Did you read "the blog " as you call it from the beginning?Did you read how I wrote about my family.My "friends"I was crueler than. i had to be broken .to be fixed again!I was all too willing to code-ify and simplify my ties with humanity into symbols and a series of ones and zeroes."

yes .

a secret .rather swarmy voice comes in my ear shot "everything all at once .everything all at once"WHAT IS your automatic thought RIGHT NOW

whatever it is.Never give in to prolonging a delicate,loving thought that has passed it's experation.(although it might have been good .and WARM.It will become UNREAL and FALSE if you milk it.if you try to pretrend you can HOLD IT longer than you really can.DO NOT CONFUSE your FELLOWMAN with FALSE SEEMINGS.

FEW will survive.

butTHE ANIMAL MAN.The caVEman.Go deeper to that core ..NO fAlse manners or lies of how "human" you are...better to be thought a criminal than carrying on further Lies

better to BE a criminal than

ACT

"the whole world is now actors.Nobody knows what they are .what's going to happen when something happens.and nobody knows INSTINCT"

"who put this shit in your head," he says

"Fuck this"I say putting my coat on.IN sarcastic crazy style I say "space aliens told me dumbass"

"I wouldnt go out when youre like this..."

I take my coat off or half off,thinking he might want to ,I don't know be informed maybe.

"now.If everyone is acting.How will I know .or how will you know who you don't want for lack of a better term "left behind?Why would I throw myself in front of some wigger meth freak to save your ass when the End Begins if i can't tell if you're you or acting like you think a human should act.and where did you learn this way of being.of acting.""

Liam literally throws up his hands.I am "crazy".Proxy has put words in my head.He wants me back to the nice guy i was.

ör was that an act Jim?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

October 17th 2010

 

I"dear Jim ..really like your work are you still in CA? I work "****Studios..can we meet. Have an idea for a book.. Los Angles  i'll bring my own set of works?