" Oh you don't know..it's very hush hush but everybody knows..Oh please tell me you don't know...well I can't say ,it's a thing they've been working on since the late 80's...tv darhling what do you think I'm talking about ..the silicon valley BEFORE their was a silicon valley and every studio from her to France had a piece in it..now everyone says what what..we did what what," Megan says into the phone,more into the phone than to Barbara,a 5th choice friend for phone chats,"yes interneural interface,I won't explain it again", "
". Brad says I shouldnt talk about it but he talks of nothing else,I swear he keeps a monitor near our bed,he tracks this guy's every moveHe doesnt call him by name just Demon,"Mega says eating pieces of a fruitrollup Ash left near the sink,. ".I try to read it but you have to use a special headset and you have to be able to decipher things,and Brad said it could be dangerous getting into a mind like that,supposedly he has inroads or something with ..I don't know..forces or something? after all He is called Demon ,.sick sick sick and we're not talkin s-i-c- we're talking s-i-c-K with a big K...from what i hear."
" They assumed demon was dead,everyone was so damned paranoid back than remember how everyone acted at Shelly's bat Mitzvah ?1994.June,you remember,it was like a funeral,poor Shelly...Well this guy who they thought I dont know died or something like comes back.to LA' ..they supposedly never tried it again,Megan says reaching into the pantry for another fruit roll up."..horseshit I assume half the actors working today use interneural interface.half of these people can't even read. but this guythis demon, was like a test version and they drove him god damn nuts,he took all this speed and started like seeing shit or something with Parson Nilson of all people at the helm.Parson Nilson "she shouts into the phone hoping brenda can sense her eye roll,"he used to be in herman's hermits or something..anyway they just wanted to cover it up..they picked the wrong guy.who knew he was a speed freak. or a demon or whatever he is.
well demon it seems is writing a screenplay or something.but he doesnt know it was just some..acting device so people wouldnt need scripts or sight lines and he of course he assumes it's like angels and shit..well Harry took a picture of demon, drinking lemonaide at a starbucks.whats he look like not much i can tell you that much i was expecting horns or something the way they talk but lemonaide?at starbucks?..."
she puts the first page of notes for the treatment down
"Is that a better way to write it?notice no dactology no "otherment" affairs no nothing .Just Hollywood.and we both know there is no sinister side to hollywood"I smile,but the smile is tight tardive dyskinesia,from the drugs,I was in four point restraint.another opening another show.
this was the 3rd hospital i've been in since my return to LA,"you know Macy,it's dem voices,dem voices just won't leave me alone"
whomever is pulling the strings around here sure as shit has alot more money power and everything than i do
was this some morality test.?
where the hell was i supposed to pull this morality out of.?huh
if god came to me,the real thing not this shit he'd be like.well.he'd listen for one
i mean he might not comiserate.
but i dont think he'd keep twisting me around
he'd be like dude you really cant think str8 it might take me like 15 years to see where this bullshit came from and how to undo it
.he wouldnt go all horror show etc..i mean think of it when like adam first heard god booming he must have been like oh no oh no oh no
than if god was like reading his mind which i presume he could.what would adam do
what if his thoughts were adhd or unpleasant etc.
was he supposed to be like ok god.(stop) I will mend my ways (stop)or would his mind be like fuck fuck fuck i'm freezing and this eve needs food ..or oh fuck evee im not even into her ,than god might be real pissed and he'd be like sorry sorry sorry.but imagine if he wasnt sorry and god knew it than hed have to spend like all this energy somehow running away from his true thought and still be hungry and still have to interneural with god who he knew could like turn him into dust
"thats quite a pitch" Macy Enty says.hitting me with the entire volume of small life video and wallhangings
"do you think it rings true.or could with further rewrites?"I asked sarcastically,I wanted to ask the nurse to untie at least one of my limbs.But she tells the nurse to leave.Please
"the dramatic structure needs work,it is all over the place."
so was proxy these days,it seems a few other fanchises .both big and Heavy were wanted a share.and since so many other Proxees had ..uh sorta fallen off roof tops or falled in front of automobiles ..or fallen on loaded guns and such I was the only prox still proxiable.
" this "schizophrenia" has it's drawbacks i'm afraid .
i have a bit of a jump cut mind these days as you well know"
,i had sent several copies of Small life Video and wallhangings to Fox,Paramount and New line studios,all to get to Macy Enty,"Queen of the Wild Frontier"
"i had an aunt who was schizophrenic,she talked and talked about all sorts of things.we had to put her away...I imagine if there was an internet she would have typed and typed her crazy all over the place.and i suppose than she still would have been put away"
"ya think Macy?" ya really think they could put a loon away for typing cw-cwa-cwazy shit online?"
"yes jimbis I think they could?"
"oh dear Macy.such scary times.I'm so glad that i only write fiction,did you like the treatment?
"there's a plot in there somewhere," I say,"you just have to look for it"
"i posted it online thinking i might get some help ,perhaps an "in the loop" type to fill in the blanks"
'sometimes blanks are good.blanks are better than bullets,don't you think?"she said,"posting online a treatment,arent you afraid someone will steal your ideas?"
"oh didnt you hear Macy everybody knows."
"knows what?you dont believe any of this is true do?or is that your ..twist"
"yeah it's my twist,it's why I'm laying here tied to a bed "
"you should go back east,maybe try to fill in the blanks for yourself jimbis.Mind reading,interneural interface my aunt mary used to talk of such things..."
besides being a producer macy was also a public spokesman and statesmen for dactology.
what she said about my writing online confused me,didnt she know?
'small life video and wallhangings LET ME TELL YOU JUST HOW SMALL THAT LIFE OF YOURS CAN GET"
"oh it is quite small enough thank you,"
"you just can't stop can you."
"me?"
"we're concerned is all,there is something in you that isnt quite right.and Adam knows things"
"he's a fucking actor .what does he know"
"he knows what he knows.look at you.,running crazy in the streets of OUR town,serves you right"
"and just why dear was i running crazy in the streets"
"proxy is a tool.those that fear the tool.."
"have you ever been proxed."has adam?"
"it's lucky that you have jimbis,it's lucky that we know what we have here.."
"it's my mind I can think whatever i god damn want to."
"you really think this is about just Your Thinking?you selfish fucking idiot?it's about a new world,a new way of interacting,it 's political"
"it's a horror show is what it is"
"it's a tool,you are using it wrong,you fear the tool and don't hear the instructions"
"oh sister i hear the instructions all right"
"did the instructions tell you to write about it all over the internet "
"i had an aunt who was schizophrenic,she talked and talked about all sorts of things.we had to put her away...I imagine if there was an internet she would have typed and typed her crazy all over the placeTyping ,talking .same thing really i suppose than she still would have been put away"
"ya think Macy?" ya really think they could put a loon away for typing cw-cwa-cwazy shit online?"
"yes jimbis I think they could?"
she touched my face softly at the same time undoing of my arms from the restraints,kissing my forehead gently
Jesus did this woman remind me of my mother
she opened a bottle of st elsewhere.(and whispered in my ear)
"but this is how you will write of me,this is how you will think of me.."
do you under stand
do you understand?
no.i can't keep doing this
i can't keep doing this I screamed
"did we help jimbis.I sure hope we arrived in time"she smiled .
scratching my face at the same time undoing one of my arms from the restraints,
Nurse,nurse,she screams,help help
jesus did this woman remind me of my mother
good boy good boy good boy
mix it up.and go on and on.into loony and moreso.
i cant win.
but i cant keep this up
either way i lose
a certian art,a certain way of seeing.and also hated a certain way of writing.
everything*)))but the kitchen sinkYo Yo YO Yo
Yo Yo
Yoooooo WHooooo
Oh Yooooooo WHOOOOO
6 ways to sunday
7 steps to heaven
it doesnt have to make sense kid
just type for that type
(so we can keep that type OUT)
by that type i assumed "my type"
(no jimbis we rather like you,you're an asshole,we like that)
whatever that meant.
and i can assure you that now
asshole or not
i am seen only as that type
for on occasion after occasion I have inevitably failed
my readings
if it you read poorly it meant you werent trying.
and if you read badly it meant that you could give a rat's ass that you were sharing your ENROTS all over the ENWAY
.
dactology had far reach.
and presumed that it would only be a matter of time
before they got one of theirs
IN THERE
could be 10 years could be 20
they wanted to be ready for it
they were grooming Adam Parker to pitch his hat
unlike say the mormons who only made lists and lineage of memeber Dactiles wanted names and numbers and history's of virtually everyone
specifically a TYPE they were not only against them but a TYPE that seemed to cause
Brackolian ENROToutput
destroying the ENWAY
the ENWAY was the group think the Gary Rainy saw in Dreams and Visions
and now thanks to Proxy
and the PROCESS
the time was now
but not for everyone
the wrong READ
often meant that not only was the Testee not suited for Interneural Interface
but furthermore was "not right enough " to particpate in non neural ENWAY
since as Rainy discovered ENROT output needed no technological enhancement to pollute the atmosphere.
"what one does is less important than what one thinks"
gary Rainy said ,"one can do almost anything.but it is one's thinking that cannot be misleading,there is an exact science to this.A read can determine one's true nature much more accurately than what one says or does..Furthermore the thoughts of a person travel much further into the ENWAY than do any one individuals actions,which may or not be "lies" or done "to precipitate a response"
it was Rainy's presumption that one bad man's thoughts was equal to a thousand good man's deeds.
a Bad Man was either overcome by Brackolia or
much worse invited Brackolia in
the PROCESS
and moreso PROXY interneural interface which read one's interior monolog
trained READERS of PROX could determine if the Testee
was SOLVABLE
some rainy has decided can be changed and some cannot be.
the UNSOLVABLE problem was a problem that Gary wanted absolutely transparent.
for he stood determined in his beliefs that an UNSOLVABLE should be a PERISHABLE
and wiped off the cosmic surface.
Later his books were rewritten that even UNSOLVABLES might be treated with enough PROCESS
but many in the group still believe in PERISHABILITY.
but debated whether even wiping a perishable off the face of the earth solved the problem of their ENROT to come backin fact a small group of Dactologists were in the Process of rewriting Arthur Miller's The Crucible...with a Dactologist twist that perhaps the witches ENROT was caused by the so called protagonist
so many movies were now being written
with "hidden" references to the ENWAY UNSOLVABILTY problems but also a good many dealing with the SOLVABLES journy toward QUIET
when that is OUT
when it is all out
what i say what
what will be left
i mean or is this all there is?
fear not when it is OUT and the Quiet is too quiet
we will Put it in
i mean when all this UNSOLVABLE that i was told to write unhithered by grammar or a thought is OUT
will it be worth it?
(an example you say ?an example to other UNSOLVABLES to exit the atmosphere.for one UNSOLVE's Bad thoughts destroy 1000 good men's deeds
self determination
of one's UNSOLVABLENESS can lead to perhaps another try at some other time to return as SOLVABLE
(do it do it,a voice says ,but was it really Proxy.or was this UNSOLVABLE self drawn to this project perhaps by design)
neither a care or nor whisp of concern for others.and furthermore thru Prox comes word,"it doesnt matter that you know,it matters that you stop spreading your enrot into the atmosphere,
i am in a cloud of it.
"today jimbis will not want to get up.he will smoke 45 cigareets.he will idle away the day in fear and spreading his ENROT into the ENWAY
can i be helped ,please help.i cannot help it i cannot help it
(another life perhaps,but please please clear the ENWAY!)
(oh and you think i can type well enuf to bring in the type?)
forget about about grammar
here are some notebooks to get you started
scapegoat scapeguiest scapegoon scapescum
for what for what for what for what
(for what do you think.for lists jimbis it aint no big thing...)
but now it is
but now it is
but now it is.
"oh please evan says.you practically signed up for this.dont even think of thinking you have a conscious about THE TYPE.and we aint talkin about sendin you back to no pinecone land tex.
you stop or you change the format
and you going
DOWN
you sure i say this is proxy and not..?
tis what it is jellybean
we'll pay you more ..
they assumed i couldnt quite TYPE for the TYPE without the proper milieu you see(povertyin B minor),and god forbid spell check
than it was get high to write it.than dont get high at all ,than it was cool it with the porn
(but i thought the TYPE likes porn...?)
i get scared to write this.
i get scared if i dont
i am fucked as fucked can be these days
my days are in fact numbered...it is rather too late to have a change of heart.
they knew i was a desperate man
they had me pegged as some" all about eve "type...come back to LA to grab a piece of the pie.
the sliver
they pulled away in 94"
Linda N,Evan,"all my friends,all my friends" the key players but this time with much grander plans than testing the equipment.
this time they wanted to test
"the waters"
no bizness like showbizness
they needed an outside man to be inside
to make sure the outside type
got no access
inside
or something like that
I was everything they despised.
I had become by than everything i despised
mainly poor and shifty and drifty and iffy as any loser becomes in ones 40's
who lives on nothing
and has achieved nothing
the only thing i had was "mental"
it was my staple
in fact it was my bread and butter
it was as real or studied or practiced as
hmmmm
wouldnt i like to know.one gets lost ....oh so lost in the part.............
besides it goes with a bad haircut loony does.
and whether my bad haircut was costume for NCIA or not I plead the Riff
mumble jumble is my specialty
i learned it
for da' cause
(would you like to see my portfoli Mr Dakis?us TYPES can do such MUmBerOus things with a cwayon)
(.you see i had been set up early on to be the KEY CREEP in the story a modern representation of everything that that Proxy wanted to get rid of.it was why i had gotten these notebooks to type up and puruse to find a consistant tone,why I was brought to LA,why my art was being shown..oh did it get lost .in this multitude of furnished pseudo madness.that every word contained in this blog and small life video and wallhangings as well as my previous facilitated outings running amuck in LA and previously philadelphia,key west and Miami were to create a biography of such degeneracy...an example ..)
(the point that i was dragging poor kim into the story again..that was all..it was discussed at intial meeting at the housecleaning division of proxy corp how i would somehow weave my family into what was to become a jumble of schizophrenic,antisocial conspiract theory horseshit,I was paid 17 dollars an hour to participate in this nonsense,a hefty sum,but the thought of going on now that I saw justy how far they wanted me to take the tumble was going,not to mention the ramifications of those who followed the blog being recorded as..perishables..there was a side story ,where I began writing Liam as not only the good guy but in a heroic mode that practically shut the system,their system down..never mind when i began writing truly realistically of my family unit..but I must continue on,for if it not me as example as Degenrate Sicko of the raving kind to be a beacon to the troubled Minds in real time,than it will be another sucker who needs some cash for a project they didnt understand the implications of,..but I preceed ,although not quite with a gun pointed to my head ,don't kid yourself..)
(is it presumed that i enjoy writing this horseshit ,this idiotic hobbled babble in predetermined bad grammar,runon sentences,and endless CAPS?as it is presumed that when A Pre Designed Incident occurs (in which I am of course the "criminal".)I will take it Like a "Perishable....a perishable who knows he deserves what he gets.?.there was a scenario early on wherein a well recognized actor pummels me i shit thee not,but I had a difficult time keeping the bizarre key points quite serious enough especially last summer ..the drugs i was given to induce such meanderings somehow faulty.and my heart wasnt in it.but 17 dollars and hour is 17 dollars an hour and i had made a commitment)
yooooooo whoooo
and for **** it was
a calling card.
cuz ya see
uh
hmmmm
well (astrik astrik astrik.knew bout astrik astrik proxy whatever astrik 's uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...oh shucks
either way i was draggin on the story
and either way
mr jimbis .
is screwed.
cuz who knows what astrik is what
theres no good guys
me included
but the problem is I want to be good and dont know how.
i mean is it good to write this
am i betraying something GRAND
or something awful?
(.you see i had been set up early on to be the KEY CREEP in the story a modern representation of everything that that Proxy wanted to get rid of.it was why i had gotten these notebooks to type up and puruse to find a consistant tone,why I was brought to LA,why my art was being shown..oh did it get lost .in this multitude of furnished pseudo madness.that every word contained in this blog and small life video and wallhangings as well as my previous facilitated outings running amuck in LA and previously philadelphia,key west and Miami were to create a biography of such degeneracy...an example ..)
(the point that i was dragging poor kim into the story again..that was all..it was discussed at intial meeting at the housecleaning division of proxy corp how i would somehow weave my family into what was to become a jumble of schizophrenic,antisocial conspiract theory horseshit,I was paid 17 dollars an hour to participate in this nonsense,a hefty sum,but the thought of going on now that I saw justy how far they wanted me to take the tumble was going,not to mention the ramifications of those who followed the blog being recorded as..perishables..there was a side story ,where I began writing Liam as not only the good guy but in a heroic mode that practically shut the system,their system down..never mind when i began writing truly realistically of my family unit..but I must continue on,for if it not me as example as Degenrate Sicko of the raving kind to be a beacon to the troubled Minds in real time,than it will be another sucker who needs some cash for a project they didnt understand the implications of,I fought tooth and nail to at least lift the mirrors off the baby cribs..but I preceed ,although not quite with a gun pointed to my head ,don't kid yourself..)
i didnt kid myself that i could quickly post this..digression,the only fact that is true in over 2000 postings..but it is important than any reader ,know at least one WHY.this is being written as it is.
(is it presumed that i enjoy writing this horseshit ,this idiotic hobbled babble in predetermined bad grammar,runon sentences,and endless CAPS?as it is presumed that when A Pre Designed Incident occurs (in which I am of course the "criminal"..there was a scenario early on wherein a well recognized actor pummels me i shit thee not,but I had a difficult time keeping the bizarre key points quite serious enough especially last summer ..the drugs i was given to induce such meanderings somehow faulty.and my heart wasnt in it.but 17 dollars and hour is 17 dollars an hour and i had made a commitment)
perhaps this is to lure the type inside you
OUT
when that is OUT
when it is all out
what i say what
what will be left
i mean or is this all there is?
i mean when all this dreg that i was told to write unhithered by grammar or a thought to anyone else..
besides my infinite BADNESS
thats what us TYPES do is it not.
neither a care or nor whisp of concern for others..
i am in a cloud of it.
every second goes ping pong to this and that.a life of it begins.
a new feature never rolls.
it's the same movie shown again and again
today jimbis will not want to get up.he will smoke 45 cigareets.he will idle away the day in fear and..
what song is it today
there is no variation
this simulated "meeting" with so called Agents also happens weekly as i type this dreck.My directives.who give me hints of which personality disorder i should rake up next ..
could we make kim like the good guy?who raises this jimbis character to be I dont know honey..a good guy?like she raises this kid to be like some skywalker type.
or could this jimbis just break the mirror in that supposed dream (you know how crazy people like me dream ...dontcha hon?)like tommy walker and go roll in some pork and beans for a while?
this lab coat chick seems stuck ,as if in some loop.she knows i will write of her.she knows it's MY THANG
I reconized the theme of this week's encounter was ..what self reflection,narsisism?god forbid this character have an epiphany.or snap out of it...there had to be something.and being a representation of the 40ish loon element in 2012 trust me it couldnt be all that functional or GOOD for that matter.i had become an expert at weaving out all GOOD from my inner workings and outter postings.this was after being reduced to 12 bucks an hour when the previous blog lingered 4 days on my caring for a wounded houseplant.
seemingly out of "the loop" crime lab gal switched wigs ,accents and top coat all at the same time"reflection,is the style of the times.and we must change it>there is a much bigger picture here.think of the little baby in that crib.of course all children werent raised that way but rainy had seen to itthat even children touched and loved and held would be more responsive to an image and sound than ..."
by a child's 13th birthday no mother .no father can be more powerful than 150 beaTS per minute.or 16,ooo images in a retina every 2 days.the grand reflector himself says so"
she says
"you mean,"I said ,covering my mouth for effect,"god himself is angry!"
boy they were going fast,from anti technological ravings to the very heavens .
"you don't seem well jimbis
"ahhh just a side effect of the st elsewhere" I had to keep character.i even made direct eye contact
"over come with the beats ,the blips,the lights,the bytes.he has seen fit to destroy all of it"
"wouldnt this have played better if I was under,if i was st else where? if a prophet came to me or perhaps someone in a more fitting costume?"
I cared little if she thought i was sexist or worse putting down her acting chops,
"youre fucking this whole thing up."
Good"
"you dont know what you're doing"
(she meant i suppose ..mentioning the true intent of my postings online,that they would one day add up to a truely disturbing portrait of a..)
(but they also know I go whole hog into a story ,and that in some twisted way i was loyal to this cause or in my case deliberate anti clause,,that i would keep posting ..)
"you want a prophet jim,I can prophacize this ..you go mentioning this Crazy man stuff is a front i Prophacize you six feet under."
"Yeah sweet heart so much was invested in it.I thought i was gonna be beaten up by damien lewis .that coulda at least have been fun."
"youre insane if you think you'll get away with this.you're a pussy.and a traitor."
"and you miss are an awful actress..."
She grabbed my arm.,"i dont like you.nobody in this organization does,"
"which organization ?the fake ones i make up or the real one that pays me to..and trust me after that van nuys shit I dont think thered be much a contest on which agent or agency hates who more.trust me."
"you should consider yourself a patriot"
I'm a scapegoat you fucking bitch"
"but you were doing it so well"
i was made for it,youve been st elsewhereing me since 1988
'write it as ...you know how."
"hmmmm:".i said pacing back and forth.."where are we now ...a prophet.I am being spoken to by god himself...this shit is a mess.it is MY integrity as a scapegoat to at least have a good story line.
"trust me the story line will get a hell of alot better if you dont watch
". Brad says I shouldnt talk about it but he talks of nothing else,I swear he keeps a monitor near our bed,he tracks this guy's every moveHe doesnt call him by name just Demon,"Mega says eating pieces of a fruitrollup Ash left near the sink,. ".I try to read it but you have to use a special headset and you have to be able to decipher things,and Brad said it could be dangerous getting into a mind like that,supposedly he has inroads or something with ..I don't know..forces or something? after all He is called Demon ,.sick sick sick and we're not talkin s-i-c- we're talking s-i-c-K with a big K...from what i hear."
" They assumed demon was dead,everyone was so damned paranoid back than remember how everyone acted at Shelly's bat Mitzvah ?1994.June,you remember,it was like a funeral,poor Shelly...Well this guy who they thought I dont know died or something like comes back.to LA' ..they supposedly never tried it again,Megan says reaching into the pantry for another fruit roll up."..horseshit I assume half the actors working today use interneural interface.half of these people can't even read. but this guythis demon, was like a test version and they drove him god damn nuts,he took all this speed and started like seeing shit or something with Parson Nilson of all people at the helm.Parson Nilson "she shouts into the phone hoping brenda can sense her eye roll,"he used to be in herman's hermits or something..anyway they just wanted to cover it up..they picked the wrong guy.who knew he was a speed freak. or a demon or whatever he is.
well demon it seems is writing a screenplay or something.but he doesnt know it was just some..acting device so people wouldnt need scripts or sight lines and he of course he assumes it's like angels and shit..well Harry took a picture of demon, drinking lemonaide at a starbucks.whats he look like not much i can tell you that much i was expecting horns or something the way they talk but lemonaide?at starbucks?..."
she puts the first page of notes for the treatment down
"Is that a better way to write it?notice no dactology no "otherment" affairs no nothing .Just Hollywood.and we both know there is no sinister side to hollywood"I smile,but the smile is tight tardive dyskinesia,from the drugs,I was in four point restraint.another opening another show.
this was the 3rd hospital i've been in since my return to LA,"you know Macy,it's dem voices,dem voices just won't leave me alone"
whomever is pulling the strings around here sure as shit has alot more money power and everything than i do
was this some morality test.?
where the hell was i supposed to pull this morality out of.?huh
if god came to me,the real thing not this shit he'd be like.well.he'd listen for one
i mean he might not comiserate.
but i dont think he'd keep twisting me around
he'd be like dude you really cant think str8 it might take me like 15 years to see where this bullshit came from and how to undo it
.he wouldnt go all horror show etc..i mean think of it when like adam first heard god booming he must have been like oh no oh no oh no
than if god was like reading his mind which i presume he could.what would adam do
what if his thoughts were adhd or unpleasant etc.
was he supposed to be like ok god.(stop) I will mend my ways (stop)or would his mind be like fuck fuck fuck i'm freezing and this eve needs food ..or oh fuck evee im not even into her ,than god might be real pissed and he'd be like sorry sorry sorry.but imagine if he wasnt sorry and god knew it than hed have to spend like all this energy somehow running away from his true thought and still be hungry and still have to interneural with god who he knew could like turn him into dust
"thats quite a pitch" Macy Enty says.hitting me with the entire volume of small life video and wallhangings
"do you think it rings true.or could with further rewrites?"I asked sarcastically,I wanted to ask the nurse to untie at least one of my limbs.But she tells the nurse to leave.Please
"the dramatic structure needs work,it is all over the place."
so was proxy these days,it seems a few other fanchises .both big and Heavy were wanted a share.and since so many other Proxees had ..uh sorta fallen off roof tops or falled in front of automobiles ..or fallen on loaded guns and such I was the only prox still proxiable.
" this "schizophrenia" has it's drawbacks i'm afraid .
i have a bit of a jump cut mind these days as you well know"
,i had sent several copies of Small life Video and wallhangings to Fox,Paramount and New line studios,all to get to Macy Enty,"Queen of the Wild Frontier"
"i had an aunt who was schizophrenic,she talked and talked about all sorts of things.we had to put her away...I imagine if there was an internet she would have typed and typed her crazy all over the place.and i suppose than she still would have been put away"
"ya think Macy?" ya really think they could put a loon away for typing cw-cwa-cwazy shit online?"
"yes jimbis I think they could?"
"oh dear Macy.such scary times.I'm so glad that i only write fiction,did you like the treatment?
"there's a plot in there somewhere," I say,"you just have to look for it"
"i posted it online thinking i might get some help ,perhaps an "in the loop" type to fill in the blanks"
'sometimes blanks are good.blanks are better than bullets,don't you think?"she said,"posting online a treatment,arent you afraid someone will steal your ideas?"
"oh didnt you hear Macy everybody knows."
"knows what?you dont believe any of this is true do?or is that your ..twist"
"yeah it's my twist,it's why I'm laying here tied to a bed "
"you should go back east,maybe try to fill in the blanks for yourself jimbis.Mind reading,interneural interface my aunt mary used to talk of such things..."
besides being a producer macy was also a public spokesman and statesmen for dactology.
what she said about my writing online confused me,didnt she know?
'small life video and wallhangings LET ME TELL YOU JUST HOW SMALL THAT LIFE OF YOURS CAN GET"
"oh it is quite small enough thank you,"
"you just can't stop can you."
"me?"
"we're concerned is all,there is something in you that isnt quite right.and Adam knows things"
"he's a fucking actor .what does he know"
"he knows what he knows.look at you.,running crazy in the streets of OUR town,serves you right"
"and just why dear was i running crazy in the streets"
"proxy is a tool.those that fear the tool.."
"have you ever been proxed."has adam?"
"it's lucky that you have jimbis,it's lucky that we know what we have here.."
"it's my mind I can think whatever i god damn want to."
"you really think this is about just Your Thinking?you selfish fucking idiot?it's about a new world,a new way of interacting,it 's political"
"it's a horror show is what it is"
"it's a tool,you are using it wrong,you fear the tool and don't hear the instructions"
"oh sister i hear the instructions all right"
"did the instructions tell you to write about it all over the internet "
"i had an aunt who was schizophrenic,she talked and talked about all sorts of things.we had to put her away...I imagine if there was an internet she would have typed and typed her crazy all over the placeTyping ,talking .same thing really i suppose than she still would have been put away"
"ya think Macy?" ya really think they could put a loon away for typing cw-cwa-cwazy shit online?"
"yes jimbis I think they could?"
she touched my face softly at the same time undoing of my arms from the restraints,kissing my forehead gently
Jesus did this woman remind me of my mother
she opened a bottle of st elsewhere.(and whispered in my ear)
"but this is how you will write of me,this is how you will think of me.."
do you under stand
do you understand?
no.i can't keep doing this
i can't keep doing this I screamed
"did we help jimbis.I sure hope we arrived in time"she smiled .
scratching my face at the same time undoing one of my arms from the restraints,
Nurse,nurse,she screams,help help
jesus did this woman remind me of my mother
good boy good boy good boy
mix it up.and go on and on.into loony and moreso.
i cant win.
but i cant keep this up
either way i lose
a certian art,a certain way of seeing.and also hated a certain way of writing.
everything*)))but the kitchen sinkYo Yo YO Yo
Yo Yo
Yoooooo WHooooo
Oh Yooooooo WHOOOOO
6 ways to sunday
7 steps to heaven
it doesnt have to make sense kid
just type for that type
(so we can keep that type OUT)
by that type i assumed "my type"
(no jimbis we rather like you,you're an asshole,we like that)
whatever that meant.
and i can assure you that now
asshole or not
i am seen only as that type
for on occasion after occasion I have inevitably failed
my readings
if it you read poorly it meant you werent trying.
and if you read badly it meant that you could give a rat's ass that you were sharing your ENROTS all over the ENWAY
.
dactology had far reach.
and presumed that it would only be a matter of time
before they got one of theirs
IN THERE
could be 10 years could be 20
they wanted to be ready for it
they were grooming Adam Parker to pitch his hat
unlike say the mormons who only made lists and lineage of memeber Dactiles wanted names and numbers and history's of virtually everyone
specifically a TYPE they were not only against them but a TYPE that seemed to cause
Brackolian ENROToutput
destroying the ENWAY
the ENWAY was the group think the Gary Rainy saw in Dreams and Visions
and now thanks to Proxy
and the PROCESS
the time was now
but not for everyone
the wrong READ
often meant that not only was the Testee not suited for Interneural Interface
but furthermore was "not right enough " to particpate in non neural ENWAY
since as Rainy discovered ENROT output needed no technological enhancement to pollute the atmosphere.
"what one does is less important than what one thinks"
gary Rainy said ,"one can do almost anything.but it is one's thinking that cannot be misleading,there is an exact science to this.A read can determine one's true nature much more accurately than what one says or does..Furthermore the thoughts of a person travel much further into the ENWAY than do any one individuals actions,which may or not be "lies" or done "to precipitate a response"
it was Rainy's presumption that one bad man's thoughts was equal to a thousand good man's deeds.
a Bad Man was either overcome by Brackolia or
much worse invited Brackolia in
the PROCESS
and moreso PROXY interneural interface which read one's interior monolog
trained READERS of PROX could determine if the Testee
was SOLVABLE
some rainy has decided can be changed and some cannot be.
the UNSOLVABLE problem was a problem that Gary wanted absolutely transparent.
for he stood determined in his beliefs that an UNSOLVABLE should be a PERISHABLE
and wiped off the cosmic surface.
Later his books were rewritten that even UNSOLVABLES might be treated with enough PROCESS
but many in the group still believe in PERISHABILITY.
but debated whether even wiping a perishable off the face of the earth solved the problem of their ENROT to come backin fact a small group of Dactologists were in the Process of rewriting Arthur Miller's The Crucible...with a Dactologist twist that perhaps the witches ENROT was caused by the so called protagonist
so many movies were now being written
with "hidden" references to the ENWAY UNSOLVABILTY problems but also a good many dealing with the SOLVABLES journy toward QUIET
when that is OUT
when it is all out
what i say what
what will be left
i mean or is this all there is?
fear not when it is OUT and the Quiet is too quiet
we will Put it in
i mean when all this UNSOLVABLE that i was told to write unhithered by grammar or a thought is OUT
will it be worth it?
(an example you say ?an example to other UNSOLVABLES to exit the atmosphere.for one UNSOLVE's Bad thoughts destroy 1000 good men's deeds
self determination
of one's UNSOLVABLENESS can lead to perhaps another try at some other time to return as SOLVABLE
(do it do it,a voice says ,but was it really Proxy.or was this UNSOLVABLE self drawn to this project perhaps by design)
neither a care or nor whisp of concern for others.and furthermore thru Prox comes word,"it doesnt matter that you know,it matters that you stop spreading your enrot into the atmosphere,
i am in a cloud of it.
"today jimbis will not want to get up.he will smoke 45 cigareets.he will idle away the day in fear and spreading his ENROT into the ENWAY
can i be helped ,please help.i cannot help it i cannot help it
(another life perhaps,but please please clear the ENWAY!)
(oh and you think i can type well enuf to bring in the type?)
forget about about grammar
here are some notebooks to get you started
scapegoat scapeguiest scapegoon scapescum
for what for what for what for what
(for what do you think.for lists jimbis it aint no big thing...)
but now it is
but now it is
but now it is.
"oh please evan says.you practically signed up for this.dont even think of thinking you have a conscious about THE TYPE.and we aint talkin about sendin you back to no pinecone land tex.
you stop or you change the format
and you going
DOWN
you sure i say this is proxy and not..?
tis what it is jellybean
we'll pay you more ..
they assumed i couldnt quite TYPE for the TYPE without the proper milieu you see(povertyin B minor),and god forbid spell check
than it was get high to write it.than dont get high at all ,than it was cool it with the porn
(but i thought the TYPE likes porn...?)
i get scared to write this.
i get scared if i dont
i am fucked as fucked can be these days
my days are in fact numbered...it is rather too late to have a change of heart.
they knew i was a desperate man
they had me pegged as some" all about eve "type...come back to LA to grab a piece of the pie.
the sliver
they pulled away in 94"
Linda N,Evan,"all my friends,all my friends" the key players but this time with much grander plans than testing the equipment.
this time they wanted to test
"the waters"
no bizness like showbizness
they needed an outside man to be inside
to make sure the outside type
got no access
inside
or something like that
I was everything they despised.
I had become by than everything i despised
mainly poor and shifty and drifty and iffy as any loser becomes in ones 40's
who lives on nothing
and has achieved nothing
the only thing i had was "mental"
it was my staple
in fact it was my bread and butter
it was as real or studied or practiced as
hmmmm
wouldnt i like to know.one gets lost ....oh so lost in the part.............
besides it goes with a bad haircut loony does.
and whether my bad haircut was costume for NCIA or not I plead the Riff
mumble jumble is my specialty
i learned it
for da' cause
(would you like to see my portfoli Mr Dakis?us TYPES can do such MUmBerOus things with a cwayon)
(.you see i had been set up early on to be the KEY CREEP in the story a modern representation of everything that that Proxy wanted to get rid of.it was why i had gotten these notebooks to type up and puruse to find a consistant tone,why I was brought to LA,why my art was being shown..oh did it get lost .in this multitude of furnished pseudo madness.that every word contained in this blog and small life video and wallhangings as well as my previous facilitated outings running amuck in LA and previously philadelphia,key west and Miami were to create a biography of such degeneracy...an example ..)
(the point that i was dragging poor kim into the story again..that was all..it was discussed at intial meeting at the housecleaning division of proxy corp how i would somehow weave my family into what was to become a jumble of schizophrenic,antisocial conspiract theory horseshit,I was paid 17 dollars an hour to participate in this nonsense,a hefty sum,but the thought of going on now that I saw justy how far they wanted me to take the tumble was going,not to mention the ramifications of those who followed the blog being recorded as..perishables..there was a side story ,where I began writing Liam as not only the good guy but in a heroic mode that practically shut the system,their system down..never mind when i began writing truly realistically of my family unit..but I must continue on,for if it not me as example as Degenrate Sicko of the raving kind to be a beacon to the troubled Minds in real time,than it will be another sucker who needs some cash for a project they didnt understand the implications of,..but I preceed ,although not quite with a gun pointed to my head ,don't kid yourself..)
(is it presumed that i enjoy writing this horseshit ,this idiotic hobbled babble in predetermined bad grammar,runon sentences,and endless CAPS?as it is presumed that when A Pre Designed Incident occurs (in which I am of course the "criminal".)I will take it Like a "Perishable....a perishable who knows he deserves what he gets.?.there was a scenario early on wherein a well recognized actor pummels me i shit thee not,but I had a difficult time keeping the bizarre key points quite serious enough especially last summer ..the drugs i was given to induce such meanderings somehow faulty.and my heart wasnt in it.but 17 dollars and hour is 17 dollars an hour and i had made a commitment)
yooooooo whoooo
and for **** it was
a calling card.
cuz ya see
uh
hmmmm
well (astrik astrik astrik.knew bout astrik astrik proxy whatever astrik 's uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...oh shucks
either way i was draggin on the story
and either way
mr jimbis .
is screwed.
cuz who knows what astrik is what
theres no good guys
me included
but the problem is I want to be good and dont know how.
i mean is it good to write this
am i betraying something GRAND
or something awful?
(.you see i had been set up early on to be the KEY CREEP in the story a modern representation of everything that that Proxy wanted to get rid of.it was why i had gotten these notebooks to type up and puruse to find a consistant tone,why I was brought to LA,why my art was being shown..oh did it get lost .in this multitude of furnished pseudo madness.that every word contained in this blog and small life video and wallhangings as well as my previous facilitated outings running amuck in LA and previously philadelphia,key west and Miami were to create a biography of such degeneracy...an example ..)
(the point that i was dragging poor kim into the story again..that was all..it was discussed at intial meeting at the housecleaning division of proxy corp how i would somehow weave my family into what was to become a jumble of schizophrenic,antisocial conspiract theory horseshit,I was paid 17 dollars an hour to participate in this nonsense,a hefty sum,but the thought of going on now that I saw justy how far they wanted me to take the tumble was going,not to mention the ramifications of those who followed the blog being recorded as..perishables..there was a side story ,where I began writing Liam as not only the good guy but in a heroic mode that practically shut the system,their system down..never mind when i began writing truly realistically of my family unit..but I must continue on,for if it not me as example as Degenrate Sicko of the raving kind to be a beacon to the troubled Minds in real time,than it will be another sucker who needs some cash for a project they didnt understand the implications of,I fought tooth and nail to at least lift the mirrors off the baby cribs..but I preceed ,although not quite with a gun pointed to my head ,don't kid yourself..)
i didnt kid myself that i could quickly post this..digression,the only fact that is true in over 2000 postings..but it is important than any reader ,know at least one WHY.this is being written as it is.
(is it presumed that i enjoy writing this horseshit ,this idiotic hobbled babble in predetermined bad grammar,runon sentences,and endless CAPS?as it is presumed that when A Pre Designed Incident occurs (in which I am of course the "criminal"..there was a scenario early on wherein a well recognized actor pummels me i shit thee not,but I had a difficult time keeping the bizarre key points quite serious enough especially last summer ..the drugs i was given to induce such meanderings somehow faulty.and my heart wasnt in it.but 17 dollars and hour is 17 dollars an hour and i had made a commitment)
perhaps this is to lure the type inside you
OUT
when that is OUT
when it is all out
what i say what
what will be left
i mean or is this all there is?
i mean when all this dreg that i was told to write unhithered by grammar or a thought to anyone else..
besides my infinite BADNESS
thats what us TYPES do is it not.
neither a care or nor whisp of concern for others..
i am in a cloud of it.
every second goes ping pong to this and that.a life of it begins.
a new feature never rolls.
it's the same movie shown again and again
today jimbis will not want to get up.he will smoke 45 cigareets.he will idle away the day in fear and..
what song is it today
there is no variation
this simulated "meeting" with so called Agents also happens weekly as i type this dreck.My directives.who give me hints of which personality disorder i should rake up next ..
could we make kim like the good guy?who raises this jimbis character to be I dont know honey..a good guy?like she raises this kid to be like some skywalker type.
or could this jimbis just break the mirror in that supposed dream (you know how crazy people like me dream ...dontcha hon?)like tommy walker and go roll in some pork and beans for a while?
this lab coat chick seems stuck ,as if in some loop.she knows i will write of her.she knows it's MY THANG
I reconized the theme of this week's encounter was ..what self reflection,narsisism?god forbid this character have an epiphany.or snap out of it...there had to be something.and being a representation of the 40ish loon element in 2012 trust me it couldnt be all that functional or GOOD for that matter.i had become an expert at weaving out all GOOD from my inner workings and outter postings.this was after being reduced to 12 bucks an hour when the previous blog lingered 4 days on my caring for a wounded houseplant.
seemingly out of "the loop" crime lab gal switched wigs ,accents and top coat all at the same time"reflection,is the style of the times.and we must change it>there is a much bigger picture here.think of the little baby in that crib.of course all children werent raised that way but rainy had seen to itthat even children touched and loved and held would be more responsive to an image and sound than ..."
by a child's 13th birthday no mother .no father can be more powerful than 150 beaTS per minute.or 16,ooo images in a retina every 2 days.the grand reflector himself says so"
she says
"you mean,"I said ,covering my mouth for effect,"god himself is angry!"
boy they were going fast,from anti technological ravings to the very heavens .
"you don't seem well jimbis
"ahhh just a side effect of the st elsewhere" I had to keep character.i even made direct eye contact
"over come with the beats ,the blips,the lights,the bytes.he has seen fit to destroy all of it"
"wouldnt this have played better if I was under,if i was st else where? if a prophet came to me or perhaps someone in a more fitting costume?"
I cared little if she thought i was sexist or worse putting down her acting chops,
"youre fucking this whole thing up."
Good"
"you dont know what you're doing"
(she meant i suppose ..mentioning the true intent of my postings online,that they would one day add up to a truely disturbing portrait of a..)
(but they also know I go whole hog into a story ,and that in some twisted way i was loyal to this cause or in my case deliberate anti clause,,that i would keep posting ..)
"you want a prophet jim,I can prophacize this ..you go mentioning this Crazy man stuff is a front i Prophacize you six feet under."
"Yeah sweet heart so much was invested in it.I thought i was gonna be beaten up by damien lewis .that coulda at least have been fun."
"youre insane if you think you'll get away with this.you're a pussy.and a traitor."
"and you miss are an awful actress..."
She grabbed my arm.,"i dont like you.nobody in this organization does,"
"which organization ?the fake ones i make up or the real one that pays me to..and trust me after that van nuys shit I dont think thered be much a contest on which agent or agency hates who more.trust me."
"you should consider yourself a patriot"
I'm a scapegoat you fucking bitch"
"but you were doing it so well"
i was made for it,youve been st elsewhereing me since 1988
'write it as ...you know how."
"hmmmm:".i said pacing back and forth.."where are we now ...a prophet.I am being spoken to by god himself...this shit is a mess.it is MY integrity as a scapegoat to at least have a good story line.
"trust me the story line will get a hell of alot better if you dont watch
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