the book of elroy
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
Friday, June 15, 2012
.
sometimes they make them too symetrical,evan graphs,but he doesnt seem himself.he seems gentler,kinder, he felt
warmer
i ran into paul 2 days later.
he looked good.
i heard
sometimes they made them too symetrical
he hands me a card
Integrated Services.
Paul shifts from being a cowboy
to The Fonz""
next a fireman
to Jared Leto
""he's pirated ,"Paul says""this version at least
""one can actually obtain up to 34%of Leto legally.They're called Suffixes now
.the looks are easy,but the essense of Leto is expensive.and it goes better actually without the specific semblance.,but it gets expensive to shake everything up.i know a woman who asked for an Assemblage of 18 different Suffixes.34% is the limit.64% has to be what ever YOU one comes in with."
but of course after the Process sometimes that is "good" enough
'everyone buys the looks.but most people can't afford the SuFFIx...you have no idea what i am talking about...people dont actually sell their souls
only their radiance..
i tell him i am having second thoughts about my önline audit".I dont like the things that are there about Liam about my folks.it is too much..."
.all about structure and restructure.
,the
point is to accumulate a person in bits and pieces,
"by asking seemingly endless automatic thoughts
the person's body and shape also broken down basically turned into atoms each individual atom,cell etc recorded
for a time a peron's each individual thought is also recorded
and reassimilated,
everything is seperated and than put back together
your individuality is saved.
stored
after of course it has been processed
the intrusiveness of said "mind reading" in this regard is worth the end result.
for the readings also make rather clear what you want to leave behind and what you also want to keep.
everything is recorded viz wave transmissions ,that are heat and ion sensative
basically atomic structure at a cellular level is duplicated as well as "filmed"
so that every inner calibration(the way one's nervous system interacts with one's brain as well as with one;s environment
as well as other sytsems
neuro muscular
pulmonary...all are studied,graphed and charted
since the process is essentially the equivalent of ripping a person apart it can be rather bothersome"
"a rather disgusting process but I do suppose one gets used to anything,I concur
"high stress levels and reptilian parts of the brain are activated within the so called force field,the waves ,the tension of them,,essentially triggers something.something responsible for the key phase of evolution.The sheer fear and fight or flight of "the break down"
than explain to me.what's happening to you jimbis,Paul said
I don't know.I don't know I said
sometimes they make them too symetrical,evan graphs,but he doesnt seem himself.he seems gentler,kinder, he felt
i ran into paul 2 days later.
he looked good.
i heard
sometimes they made them too symetrical
ït seems to be Paul?
but who can tell
I was told to meet
him by a muralist on
Mercy street
HE suprises me with his form.
a perk of what he calls extra-celestials
-shapeshifting
sometimes he's a cowboy.sometimes a stewardess,sometimes as a gladiator.And once he appeared as Jared Leto
"perhaps "i said ","it is best if you don't appear as an actor"
"oh yes oh yes ,"he says,"we don't want another misunderstanding do we.?"
"No,we certainly do not," i say
he shrugs,~~~~~~~~~~~` turning into an old man
"real"god
.angels.
extraterestrials
EXtra ceLestiAls
...what would you like to call US.this THEM?
does it matter?
"what else do we have besides televison and myth.to play out this rot from thy head.
besides .a subsidiary of Dome Entertainment found that people enjoyed television more if they looked like television.but thats 56 years from now.and quite expensive.and I am breaking more patent laws than I care to think about,"he shifts into Julie from the Love Boat,his voice alters,he is lovely.
"a good look,he says there are many julies in the New World but like snowfalkes each Julie is distinct.He points to a small mole on his hand"
"but dont people in the future want to be individuals,"
"he rolls his eyes ,"spare me,we tried doing the "best version of one's current appearance in the mid 2000's everybody opted for what was most telegenic,there are some however that opted for distinction in fact ugliness was all the rage in the 2110's but soon fell out of favor.but by than there was so much quantum beeping and creeping about to and fro ,to and fro that bandwidth became the main issue.Am I losing you Jimbis.?
Integrated Services.
we move on...one can only move forward.part of my training is to learn to change quickly.so one day i can stream like paul did in and out of form
Paul shifts from being a cowboy
to The Fonz""
next a fireman
to Jared Leto
""he's pirated ,"Paul says""this version at least
""one can actually obtain up to 34%of Leto legally.They're called Suffixes now
.the looks are easy,but the essense of Leto is expensive.and it goes better actually without the specific semblance.,but it gets expensive to shake everything up.i know a woman who asked for an Assemblage of 18 different Suffixes.34% is the limit.64% has to be what ever YOU one comes in with."
but of course after the Process sometimes that is "good" enough
'everyone buys the looks.but most people can't afford the SuFFIx...you have no idea what i am talking about...people dont actually sell their souls
only their radiance..
i tell him i am having second thoughts about my önline audit".I dont like the things that are there about Liam about my folks.it is too much..."
.all about structure and restructure.
,the
point is to accumulate a person in bits and pieces,
"by asking seemingly endless automatic thoughts
the person's body and shape also broken down basically turned into atoms each individual atom,cell etc recorded
for a time a peron's each individual thought is also recorded
and reassimilated,
everything is seperated and than put back together
your individuality is saved.
stored
after of course it has been processed
the intrusiveness of said "mind reading" in this regard is worth the end result.
for the readings also make rather clear what you want to leave behind and what you also want to keep.
everything is recorded viz wave transmissions ,that are heat and ion sensative
basically atomic structure at a cellular level is duplicated as well as "filmed"
so that every inner calibration(the way one's nervous system interacts with one's brain as well as with one;s environment
as well as other sytsems
neuro muscular
pulmonary...all are studied,graphed and charted
since the process is essentially the equivalent of ripping a person apart it can be rather bothersome"
"a rather disgusting process but I do suppose one gets used to anything,I concur
"high stress levels and reptilian parts of the brain are activated within the so called force field,the waves ,the tension of them,,essentially triggers something.something responsible for the key phase of evolution.The sheer fear and fight or flight of "the break down"
than explain to me.what's happening to you jimbis,Paul said
I don't know.I don't know I said
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Inside one of the envelopes were some pictures.old ones.i threw them away.along with most of his stuff.even his money.
..there were cut outs,like a child might do making some kind of project .cut outs of satellites as well as cutouts of space aliens,and actors and actresses.i expected to see prints out of big foot and the lochness monster.
..there were cut outs,like a child might do making some kind of project .cut outs of satellites as well as cutouts of space aliens,and actors and actresses.i expected to see prints out of big foot and the lochness monster.
pumpkin guts.gibberish.baby words.grunts.yowls
that was how inter neural is established.
pumpkin guts and
gibberish and .baby words.
grunts&yowls
maybe that was all i learned
but by than what did it matter
I spoke to the officers
i tried to stop him
he was talking crazy for weeks.
a brain salad is what it's called.
blaming everything from space aliens to the Boy Scouts
he was seeing a Dr. taking medicine.I thought he was getting better
but he couldn't stop TALKING
know what i mean?
Jellybean? he said
i showed the officers his notes.
his typed pages
his theories
according to him he was being controlled by outside forces It was always THEM
whom
THEM
it always is
I handed the officer the notebook,asking if I could have it back,"he was a dear friend"
Friends have to stick together.
He said.
.crazy days.
If one is this crazy one should really keep it to themselves.Don't you think."strange" is the times I think.Not crazy.Very different things .Dontcha think
________________________________________________________________________
.
i tried to stop him
he was talking crazy for weeks.
a brain salad is what it's called.
blaming everything from space aliens to the Boy Scouts
he was seeing a Dr. taking medicine.I thought he was getting better
but he couldn't stop TALKING
know what i mean?
Jellybean? he said
i showed the officers his notes.
his typed pages
his theories
according to him he was being controlled by outside forces It was always THEM
whom
THEM
it always is
I handed the officer the notebook,asking if I could have it back,"he was a dear friend"
Friends have to stick together.
He said.
.crazy days.
If one is this crazy one should really keep it to themselves.Don't you think."strange" is the times I think.Not crazy.Very different things .Dontcha think
________________________________________________________________________
.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
skin
they tried killing me there. It took 4 years since I've been back..to realize that they didn't just try.but they did kill me in some way...not in the usual way but in a very unusual way...they ripped my mind apart...it was all set up..and ready to go before I even moved to Los Angeleswas lured back their ..some talk about me writing some children's book and trying to adapt to film...a decent apartment in Sherman oaks,, Pay back from over a decade before.when I refused suck old men off in the industry..lie in a shit hotel and just snort crank and Be there...for them. Supposedly I was literally born to be a prostitute. Who didn't mind being beat up..the movie industry is connected to all kinds of agencies..so you have to brought up a certain way to even fuck ..with these types of men who were agency types..of a different kind.. scary guys who didn't expect you to talk about or think of them as pigs..you see I didn't know I was brought up the way I was..just for this ..just to be some whore who snorted coke and let guys shove anything into me..for my country..yeah..for the greater good.and s there would be ready made pliable trash around for important people who could act like pigs..they knew the "guys" were safe..wouldn't talk...cause we were raised on fear..but I jst couldn't do it right ..suck an old guys dick right ..I had my own ideas..to draw ..to do something but that all was taken as me being 'too good for "it"..they hated me in such away than..when I couldn't Be this THING supposedly a lot of hard work went into making me a scumbag with no nothing in me..t say stop.get off me..i want out..i did get out with out realizing who I had gotten away from an that these were people you don't ask to get away from..the mighthave acted like pigs in bed but once they put ontheir suits they were the men in suits..who could do things to you..if they wanted to hurt you...how fr they'd go..and what kind of weird stuff they had at their disposal was news to me..until thy used it on me..i was only 23 the first time..i never expected there to be a second time..the first time ..it was just sound ..the second time..it was under my skin ..in my eyes
Paul Banks,32 was pronounced dead at 3 a.m yesterday morning .He jumped from the 27th floor of the ***Hotel.According to his wife he had begun hallucinating after a Culmlative Training Seminar at the Gary Rainy ranch in Riverside California.
In his hotel room were several notebooks and disks concerning his final Dactology Training Course.
the jist is the test
the test is the simulation.
the point is that Proxy convinces people there is a protocol for everlasting life in the form of gadgetry.
chips and sound and light
a living re assimilated hologram of themselves created .from going through a series of endless seemingly embarrassing questions and intrusions,done with inter neural interface.
while inter neural has indeed been created.the living hologram has not and probably will never be
.
the QUIETED MIND
the supposition that the blank slate will than be re augmented with PURE EUPHORIC neuron function, is the is the promise of the equivalent of the ubiquitous 7 virgins .and falls somewhere in the current scientific legend between cryogenics and human possession
living forever.splendidly and relatively intact is the Promise made
.
with their reliance on certain illegal hallucinatory drugs.which change consciousness profoundly it is not difficult to persuade even the most steadfast person to in fact belief this and almost anything in this regard is possible.
there is also a threat once the idea of life ever last is presented that if the person does not comply.(or if the member mentions any of the above) this fake scam of integrated conscious holography can be twisted into a very frightening equation
something unbelievable is presented
interneural interface.
when the subject does in fact see and know that this is indeed possible it is not a far reach for the subject to accept all varieties of futuristic once unimaginable technologies
once the fear and acceptance of Inter neural is somehow dealt with(if one survives)the individual is presented with even more subjugating techniques of control such as the KRI Beam that can activate nerves in the face and arms .furthermore these techniques are exploited and used to induce fear and intimidation.as well as the manipulation of various key nerve center and the 8 point pressure point schematics
as difficult as it is to believe that a man can be virtually turned into a puppet by these technologies is.several other unificated sytems such as the moonies have begun acquiring similar devices and wires to manipulate groups and individuals with similar techniques
once the individual is given this demonstration of such terrors of being literally manipulated by science techniques to unreal to be believed ,for instance internueral interface and automatic nerve response(facial and ancient pressure point nerve centers) it is not that long a leap for the 'believer' to believe that life ever lasting in the form of holography etc is next.
hence giving licence to the processor to collect as many private thoughts and dreams as they wish
as well as the essential money this much data collection both interneural and other wise costs.
everything
god forbid the technology ever does exist for life everlasting .in terms of a reassimilated cortex in wave and light ,and quantum form and is controlled by the "wrong" agency"
for there will indeed come a time when there is indeed a Matrix of living ,thinking
"entities"that there is yet no name for.
Paul Banks,32 was pronounced dead at 3 a.m yesterday morning .He jumped from the 27th floor of the ***Hotel.According to his wife he had begun hallucinating after a Culmlative Training Seminar at the Gary Rainy ranch in Riverside California.
In his hotel room were several notebooks and disks concerning his final Dactology Training Course.
the jist is the test
the test is the simulation.
the point is that Proxy convinces people there is a protocol for everlasting life in the form of gadgetry.
chips and sound and light
a living re assimilated hologram of themselves created .from going through a series of endless seemingly embarrassing questions and intrusions,done with inter neural interface.
while inter neural has indeed been created.the living hologram has not and probably will never be
.
the QUIETED MIND
the supposition that the blank slate will than be re augmented with PURE EUPHORIC neuron function, is the is the promise of the equivalent of the ubiquitous 7 virgins .and falls somewhere in the current scientific legend between cryogenics and human possession
living forever.splendidly and relatively intact is the Promise made
.
with their reliance on certain illegal hallucinatory drugs.which change consciousness profoundly it is not difficult to persuade even the most steadfast person to in fact belief this and almost anything in this regard is possible.
there is also a threat once the idea of life ever last is presented that if the person does not comply.(or if the member mentions any of the above) this fake scam of integrated conscious holography can be twisted into a very frightening equation
something unbelievable is presented
interneural interface.
when the subject does in fact see and know that this is indeed possible it is not a far reach for the subject to accept all varieties of futuristic once unimaginable technologies
once the fear and acceptance of Inter neural is somehow dealt with(if one survives)the individual is presented with even more subjugating techniques of control such as the KRI Beam that can activate nerves in the face and arms .furthermore these techniques are exploited and used to induce fear and intimidation.as well as the manipulation of various key nerve center and the 8 point pressure point schematics
as difficult as it is to believe that a man can be virtually turned into a puppet by these technologies is.several other unificated sytems such as the moonies have begun acquiring similar devices and wires to manipulate groups and individuals with similar techniques
once the individual is given this demonstration of such terrors of being literally manipulated by science techniques to unreal to be believed ,for instance internueral interface and automatic nerve response(facial and ancient pressure point nerve centers) it is not that long a leap for the 'believer' to believe that life ever lasting in the form of holography etc is next.
hence giving licence to the processor to collect as many private thoughts and dreams as they wish
as well as the essential money this much data collection both interneural and other wise costs.
everything
god forbid the technology ever does exist for life everlasting .in terms of a reassimilated cortex in wave and light ,and quantum form and is controlled by the "wrong" agency"
for there will indeed come a time when there is indeed a Matrix of living ,thinking
"entities"that there is yet no name for.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
"MACY SAID I COULD mAYBE ,JUST MAYBE WRITE OF SOME OF MY ...UH DEALINGS WITH .....THE......with let's call them space aliens SHE SAYS..you see jimbis one should never reveal one's sourse when writng a screenplay
one must keep it to oneself
she had been treating me nicer since i've been reduced,givning me an enamal pen with refillable cartridges
"dont write directly on line is all i'm saying.from now on no computer since youve been reduced you're no longer capable of taking care of yourself. Rainy's original teachings were alot more strict on matters of the UNRESOLVABLE problem.he of course believed that unresolvables even when they pass away return with ENROT..that was before more modern times jimbis before we had the Beam.it's good to be a boy again isnt it jimbis.you were never really a man anyway.you said you were a puppet jimbis thats why youre going to wear shortpants and suspenders.like pinochio.at least when you're on the ward."
and it is true, as punishemnt for what i had said to evan at the Forum i have to wear brown shoes and little shorts with big buttons and a bow tie.in the colors of disney.i look like a fool but macy said it's good i know that i look a fool cuz i made everyone around me feel the same way putting everyone into jepardy becasue =i didnt care about anyone but myself ,"not about proxy or the Proxeteers or the shareholders or anyone but jimbis jimbis jimbis thru the entire training period
ïs that what you call it you cunt a training period ?a tiny wedge of thought all but smothered by my reduction is snuffed out by a sharp pain to my left arm.another less sharp vibration goes to my mouth .a Beam induced trigger of my 2nd facial nerve causes me to smile.and it is frozen.the beam is a new thing that proxy is using and testing.it is for control i think but also ..
"REDUCTIVES shouldnt think about things they dont understand.it's a small form of leverage of reward.you see little man. A face should be in tandum with what a person is really like inside.if a person is ugly inside.we will make him ugly outisde.if a person is beautiful inside we will make him so on the outside as well.one day it wont be facial nerves and compressors it will be something else,this is the beginning,there are so many things we can do.some things nobody knows.Pappa Rainy has thought of all this before and now it's all slowly coming through.one day IT WILL BE just like the real real pinochio everyone will live forever and ever.Not everyone .the right ones.You jimbis will never be a right one but we have plans for you too.
i feel a pinch ,a tingle ,on the back of my head and a small pinch.suddenly my face contourts
into a tight mask
even my eyes are frozen
should i get out the mirror Jimbis.oh you dont want to see.,she laughs ,oh you don't want to see.
stop stop i say although it is difficult to say anything
there is a cracking in my palate and the sides of my cheeks hurt.
she threatens to bring the mirror up to me but instead just snaps a picture.
another tingle through the back of my head and my facial muscles relax.
i feel another wave pass through me .i dont so much feel the wave as i feel the change in my mind .I am suddenly for no reason happy ,i feel younger than i am ,I like my short pants and suspenders
"am good.am i good at all"Hugging myself ,rocking back and forth fishing for kisses from my New Mother
No.,she says kissing me,ÿou are not good at all.you are unresolvable.
"than why dont you just kill me"I giggle ,pulling at strands of her long blonde hair
"we might jimbis"she says going through the ritual of tucking me in,since my run in with Evan i now sleep in a smaller bed that the carpenters made into a deep crib."
she turn on a small night lite and begins unfording blankets and bright colored sheets
she knows since my reduction sometimes i am scared of everything,and i like stories before sleep.
she hasnt any books but speaks to me about the new things proxy is working on as if it were a fairy tale
"when we do kill you.you wont really be dead , we will make you into a hologram ,with all your pain thresholds intact and more so"
i want soda iwant soda i am thinking and thinking ,ignoring her story
She reads her phone."no soda before bed jimbis,you know the rules,come on lets put on your nice pajamas they have little feet paddings.and little cowboys on them.
we will make you into a living functioning hologram you see,and than we will change you into things.and shapes a bug sometimes.maybe a little pig.or maybe a package of bologne.
I haVE BEEN DIMMED DOWN i FEEL THE LITTLE SPLINTS THRU MY BRAIN.BUT SOMETIMES THESE TINY TINGLES MAKE ME EUPHORIC ,HAPPY.I AM CLAPPING MY HANDS AS SHE PUTS THE PAJAMA TOP OVER MY HEAD
"my pain levels will be intact"I laugh and clap.so glad i remebred what she had siad earlier
"And raised"she says" raised to the highest levels possible.so for instance if we make you into the holographic form of a salami sandwhich and someone bites into it you will feel the pains of a million burning suns"
Í clap and I clap
I wanna be a sandwhich when you can do those things ,can you do those things now
we are working day and night day and night to do all sorts of wonderful things to people or non people just like you.thats why we like and we dont like you writing on the computer all those things..showing your hate to mankind .and your arrogance and coldness at the same time.also your horrible thoughts towards Proxy Corp and the world and nation
..but you know what little Jimbis we also love love love it.for we are making you more famous each day for being the most horrible type of man that no one should ever know ever again in the world"
I am smiling and clapping hoping she goes on with her story
"änd when we finally can turn you into a hologram ,and get all the pain levels at their peak,we can do all sorts of algebraic things to you to increase your pain to almost infinity.people can come and pay and watch you split and divide into a million pieces,and will know each division is as painful as a bite of a sandwhich you will be screaming like the screams of a million suns"
there will be charts and tv screens .and moniters with reading .and there you will be .Living TV,you will look like just random dots and plasma spinning and breaking apart.but no.
your whole dreadful personality will be stored and reassimilated into those dividing equations.you will be fullconscious thrrough out,we will make sure of it
that it why we are treating you with such care...all sorts of people you have met have been set in your life.
from the time you were so so little jimbis.and all your real thoughts were recorded.every lie every rotten thing you ever thought .did you know .they knew .even than they had little devices just like mine "to know,"isnt that wild jimbis "she said picking me up like a baby
I WANT SODA IWANT SODA PLEASE
That you voluntary wrote all those terrible thoughts on the computer was just a party favor for the main show,while we were reading your sick mind with The Beam as you like to call it.this interneural nonsense youve been writing about online even when we told you to stop.all the while we were making you into a Brand a Hologram,but you won't fly or sing .or just be light and sound.a ghost.You will be even more alive than you are now.with higher pain thresholds and
AND YOU KNOW WHAT WE WILL UNREDUCE YOU TOO AND MAKE YOU SO SO SMART SO NOT ONLY WILL YOU FEEL THE PAIN BUT YOU WILL BE SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW YOU DESERVED EACH AND EVERYBIT OF IT ALL THROUGH TIME.like i said we can make you into anything,a n insect,a dog,a woman,and in each and every so called carnation of yourself you will be the same miserable son of a bitch who single handedly tried destroying this project
Evan walked in and grabbed macy by the arm
Jesus Macy why are you telling HIM this.he'll write it online
good.he will be an example for the all of all time as what not to be..
Macy pushes me onto the bed ,"That,little man is How WE do it in dixie""
she pinches hard the afixed smile to my face caused by the BEAM striking the 6th facial nerve towards the back of my head.
a beep had gone off on her phone",she reads,ïs that what you call it you cunt"
hmm jimbis.I sure hope we dont need to do another reduction.
one more reduction and i dont even think you'll be allowed to even be considered grown enough for intercourse.and those nasty hands still cant seem to get enough of touching that filthy thing of yours.
she reaches her hand don my pants.Little boy.little boy indeed.now sit up straight and let's bring you into the playroom
we'll set up a nice chair and some crayons and some pens and you can write your stories
you like writing your stories dont you jimbis
.my apartment on Prox corp grounds is part of Prox's New horizons facility.it's seperate rooms ,we're still locke din at night .i have no access to a computer.nor do any haprings.but nobody else has to wear supenders or short pants,I thought the reduction was bad enough but It seems i will never be punished enough for "telling
ÿou should be happy jimbis that we are encouraging you to still be creative,to still "give it a go"with your writing maybe some nice children's books.or comics.maybe how being a little less intellectual has helped and not hurt your emotional outlook"
she knows i am confused.
How about a nice adventure story she says giving me a cookie,no boring sad stories of hollywood or baddies at scientific laboratories.or companies.thats'a no -no.say it with me before i give you this pen jimbis"
that's a no no"
thats'no no"
maybe some stories about new kings and new queens and treasures and paradises and love and soldiers
cops?i ask
no.no cops
cops arent involved in proxy .thats bad
or hospital workers.
or anyone else like that do you understand.
proxy as far as your concerned is a tiny kingdom of helpers .helpers all alot smarter than you
are we nice to you jimbis
do we help you smile when we can and give you nice clean sheets and clean clothes and smiles
cops and holywood are a no no jimbis
say it with me and you can have the pen
cops and hollywood a no no
good jimbis write me something wonderful,like a king and queen reigning over a beautiful smiling empire of kisses butterflies and flowers
she puts on a disk .an old show she says her and her sister loved.as kids.the women appear as a little bigger than real sized people and the colors on their skin are a tiny bit orange.the colors of the sets and flowers somehow fit better than you wouldthink in my tiny room
"condensed"Macy says ,now more interested in the skin tones than me,
she is half smiling on the phone ,while tinkering with the gadget that has caused these tall singers to appear.
they are an after thought it seems(i am proud that i remmebr a difficult word ..afterthought)but know i wont remembr it .macy seems a bit angry that i am not looking at the women .i know theyre not real.she sort of dances to the music,walking right through them.it is silly,the music is too loud.
"this is the style of the times Jimbis" the girls have tight buns and are wearing streamlines nice blue outfits
let this sink in.she touches me like i am a baby,patting my hair,
let your stories be as sweet as this
she mutes the girls i begin my "nicer"" stories
i try writing about these new kings and queens and flowers and beauty but
that resistance in me erupts
ï'm erupting ïm erupting i tell macy.should i write it down my eruption?
NO abSOLUTELY not .thats what we must get away from,that WAS the style of the times and look who it made.it made YOU.and dont keep those feeling inside either.just say
""CHIM CHIM CHEERIO"
i feel stupid ,I cant.
say CHIM CHIMCHEERIO.and those bad feeling ,that enrot will be gone,I swear,it's scientific.
NO! I yell
"she grabs the pen"SAY it ,(she points to the camera above)or SOMEONE might think that JIMBIS might need anothe reduction...besides she says it works,please,please just try
CHIM CHIM CHEERIO i say
and see ..she points to things in the air.
and I see them
little bits of brown smog like air coming out of my mouth
äre these part of the Magic garden girls the 3D TV People?I ask
No NO NO.thats real enrot coming out of you ,she say"'CHIMCHIMCHEERIO!and here's a cookie for KNOWING with out knowing what is real
CHIMCHIMCHEERIO
she sings handing me back my pen,leaving the room
should i keep it a squeak opened?she says
leave it ajar
dont say ajar jimbis.",she smiles""people will think youre trying to be something
being nothin is the best think of all
Fuuuuuuuck you i hear my mind say before i can stop it
and I feel the VIBRATION OF THE SCAN GO TICKLY briefly through myCORTEX.A LASER SO SO SO TInY dR f SAID THAT IT DOESNT REALLY SEVER BUT..(it's like reverse MRI or Xray but little adjustmenmtärrangements are rayed back into the brain sometimes so subtle)
stop thinking those things JIMBIS"" Macy yells ,my quick thought "fuck you"has obviosuly appeared on her telephone.The day has just begun and already youre not off to a good start.bad words.bad thoughts ït's like thinking of Poo or flossing.it's digusting.but i know it cant be helped SOMETIMES
think of CHIMeeeeroonies and Flowers and clouds and the sun
I'll leave the girls on,maybe it'll give you some ideas about New Worlds ,New stories.
i write in my journal.and i write on little bits of cardboard that i hide away.
Lady Handbag he calls her and the husbands name is Mohamed but David calls him MO.
well.long story short.she goes into like instant depression and they run and find some american like Doctor to give her all these pills.yes they have pills like that in iraq too I suppose..
when i go out i can dress in street clothes.here it's this pinochio outfit.
in the quad there is a stock a laughing stock .literally.
i was put into it 3 days in a row.
i have also seen grown men in suits put into it
it is the New Way too i guess
.for evryone
not just those that have been reduced
i am allowed out everyother tuesday and on thursdays
i see XPROX stickers around the church where i go for pineconeman meetings
supposedly theyre AA meetings but there 's wink and a nod when i enter that told me i went to the right place
i practice drawing in the Neww Way for the cameras and for Macy who is my New Mother for my Steps Towards RESOLUTION
at the same time writing about XPROX on the cardboard
Ham seems to be the head of the operation Ham somehow short for Mohammad the first Cybs club
he also refers to Proxy as mk ultra.
OPeratiON Charly Gordon.
flowers for alegernon
we were the mice
boy i sure am moving up in the fuckin world.pinecone meetings for artists who have had to sell their work dirt cheap exposing their awful backstories for peanuts.
(did i meantion liz has been written about for making a gorgeous peant unicorn in the presegious Pinecone Perrenial of Poutsider artists,her dealer now pays her literally with peanuts,both hulled and unhulled to keep up her momentum
when she complains she would prefer real money her dealer gives her a glass of milk and a scolding that she's not a fine artist,she's a primitve.her work is even more "special" he says. like her.
"special " people dont really need money
peanuts are fine
and who is Liz to say anything different
after all her art was inspired by the fact that she lived with an uncle who molested her throughout high school.
her dealer felt it best she kept on living their ,"otherwise" the art would be inauthentic
it made sense
if you really thought about it
as long as one didnt think about it too long
well
besides going to my weekly Pinecone meeting I now meet bi weekly with the first Cybs Club
most of them schizophrenics
who see and hear things
but also a few who dont quite fit the bill
people who were targeted in the mid 90's by Proxy Corp to become
human guinie pigs for a new type of communication
you can usually tell who is who
the schizoid set having a rather different glean in their eyes
to the more fear ful caught in headlights look to those Taken""
so we have made agreements with Joan of Arc (or st joan ) cathedral to let the group be divided.
the schizophrenics and the pseudo schizophrenics in two adjacent rooms.
we've both been driven crazy by extra sensory overload,perhaps permantly.the only difference
really is that they can take medications to thwart their "REading" and we cannot
nobody in our group knows exactly how proxy works
we are all long past being both PROCESSED and quieted
many of us have lost every thing we ever had .or aspired to get
the problems are not only interior
we are still being used
that it seems is our only function
for one of the functions of the new communications
is television.
and symbols
unfortunately much of this symbiotic interface must have been proposed at a time when there were much more limited programs.and or visual import
for instance i have heard
suppose you get your hair cut.and you dont like it.it's a specific hair cut.let's say a bowl cut
now this hair cut is very much on your mind
than you walk by and see another person with the very same haircut
you feel a connection to him immediately.you maybe look at hima little longer.
"what"i hear myself say.
but i need something.i need something to "play "during this meeting.something vaguely subversive,something out of my current ability of thought.
something to keep the Proxetteers busy
i had learned early on how one can both listen ,think and project at the same time,often it was thru song.
i had memorized the song Macy's hologirls had sung.i could pitch my mind to play that for the proxeteers who knew i did this when i was nervous repeat and repeat things just as the NCIA had taught me
everything i learned to get this far
trust me thinking of Brick walls a la villiage of the damned wasnt going to cut it
and it sure as fuck wasnt any easier bering reduced
nor wearing a pinochio outfit ina locked ward
but ás snogged as my witness I hadnt come this far to bag it now"
but it was getting difficult
all through the XPROX meeting i had to sing internal songs,think about AA meetings and hope that the others at least knew something of interneural blocking techniques to even be here.
i looked around for "spys"people who werent double thinking.
PROX never let anyone go.
but if their READINGS were neutral enough they often "took a night off"
that's why the taking of drugs such as tranquilizers or mood stablizers was out of the question,PROX wanted to know every glitch and pitch of the brain wave
repeating helped
..like an algebra problem to keep the Proxeteers off cnter
functions of the new communications
is television.
and symbols
unfortunately much of this symbiotic interface must have been proposed at a time when there were much more limited programs.and or visual import
for instance
much more reading has to take place,combing through our cortex to "see" what stories
and or character on televison
have "entranced" us or interest us(much much easier when there wer 3 or 4 channels)
tbut the problem was
was the Questioners.
the
UNRESOLVABLES
the Guine pigs of phase one of The New Way who had been brought in
is that by the time one has gone "all conspiracy theory" trying to get to the bottom of this situtation
one doesnt really make any real connection with much of anything at all.
an entire Rugby game may be playing through his visual and aural construct and all a fallen prox testee can usually think of is the goverment cheese benefits at the local food bank.so paranoid is prox with being "caught 'that they have ingeniously decided that it's testees should fall to the lowest echalon of life.so as not to stand out .or make waves.I should begin wearing my Pinochio outfit out in public i decided.
the NCIA owed me big time.I was losing it .but still i was glad to be out and my roving eye had fallen upon not only a double thinker but quite a piece of hmmmm..Ialthough i didnt really care for what he was speaking about,he was talking
"he was sayingthey follow unresovles mainly for suicide watch for although the processors are small,there are other ,more subtle variations.that are integral post humourously that ..well to make a long story short,one of the most importanyt parts of the "studies" is atopsy.(one out of 7 members of prox.dact in every field from the hosptials to the final process of the funeral home) problem has always been not but one who has been proxed has ever left enuf intact studies of how the reved up metabolism and adrenal system is "captivated" since always in a high state of tension no one can stop cigarette smoking successfully""
"what about drinking ,my name is Joe and i am an alcoholic.."he winked reminding everyone to at the same time visualized or CORALIZE a typical AAmeeting while we discussed Proxy and anti Proxy concerns
"Can we keep on topic" Liz says,Liz from the Pinecone group who supposedly.has also been Proxed.I dont believe her I just think she likes the air conditioning and the apple fritters Ham makes specifically for the group.
Ham is a strange one.
very intense.
he doesnt speak much
he sits with his arms folded.
he brought his wife once
and she was wearing a birka
several memebers left the room.
like i said conspiracy theory ,once it gets in it seems to know no bounds.
Ham said he was proxed in 1996.he's an american althought middle eastern ,he was in Hollywood
(up to "no good"(queer?) he snuck off from his parents he was visiting UCLA dental depeartment,snuck away from the Ramada
met an Italian or something
and they went to his hotel room(the italian)
"you italian?"the italian asked Ham
"yes" said Hammod who indeed looked italian and not middler eastern aLL,knowing this when ham went on his "seeking" looking for some"some some"he usually called himself Tony.
the next morning Ham woke up
altered.
hearing voices
beginning the Process
it didnt take long for proxy to realize that Tony wasnt a Tony
but Mohhamand (or Ham)as he called himself
i could see in his eyes that he was in a different boat than the rest of us.
he sat up straight
he dressed better.
He didnt smoke
i was suspiscious of Ham and his strangely dressed wife,i would say i was like..whats it called
uh
hmm.racist but ..well i just didnt like it
they seemd too upright too something
like they ran the place cause they were taller ,and beautiful and made not storee bought treats for the group.but those fucking fritters.
i didnt know they had apple fritters in Arabia or whatever they came from
Ham like had this gilded way of speaking.gilded was a word Liz used
she was in love with Ham althought he was obviously marreid
AND GAY
wasnt that why he was proxed to begin with years ago.looking for dick around vine st.according to him?
he was the only one of us who had finished college
he knew more about the "system" proxy has put in us than we could imagine
"moreso than they even have on youtube"Liz said ,after a meeting."he's like all of google and youtube and even books on cybernetics combined"
'whatever Liz,go make him into a peanut sculpture"
I was saving that for xmas.how'd you knwo"
I had known her now for 5 weeks ,where was my peanut sculpture?"
I dont trust this Ham .I dont think he's been Proxed.
he's probably
up to something.,that kind always is
"Prejudiced asshole"Liz said
"peanut princess poutsider pushover"
Rememebring she was living with her uncle ,who still molesteded her ,i stopped the teasing,and although it was against my nature I put my arm around her"
I dont trust Ham i said
ham,hammod,ahmod,people with names like that.
"he said proxy probably thought he was italian"
I dont know liz,maybe we have this all wrong what this proxy really is.
and i heard group like his often wire money or something or other money into all sorts of things.could you imagine what like arabics and shit could do with proxy techniques?"
you watch too much tv"
i am watched by too much tv you mean"
keep talking like that and you'll be sitting in the atrium room with no apple fritters.
you callin gme a true schizophrenic..because i can tell yous tories'
I'm just saying you have some kind of THING with Ham,I think youre attracted to him
i was.i had to admit it.was I.
yes jimbis you are a voice that seems like my own says.i am.yes I must be.
i asked Liz if i could give him the peanut Mohhamod peanut sculpture to him myself at the nest meeting and say it was from me.
I thought you have no feelings jimbis isnt that the company line at prox?
"plllleeeeez,they read what they want
she was making me angry ,as if deliberately causing a spike to cause Macy to..
but it wasnt that difficult altering my spike to that which macy ran from
for Mohhamad or Ham or whatever he called himself was causing a bit of a spike himself.yesyesoh yes jimbis ooo yesCHIm CHIMCHEERIO
these meeting (these AA,meeting,or smoking cessation meetings) were the only unchaperoned time we had
we. us all these babyish terms to hide the frankensteiness of it all
what was i called now that i had been REDUCED a hapern.a halfwit .a what.there were more made up fuckingterms at Proixat the same time i'm thinking i want soda i want soda i am hot.i hate sitting next to people anything to keep my graph consistent with the descipcable style they read me as.
it reminded me of my parents.they see you one way.think of you one way.treat you one way and that is often what you grow into
oh god.i cant even finish that thought there is indeed something to being reduced.what good did all those years of thinking that bookish horseshit get me .
but .
Macy likes being called a New Mother .or a big sister.certainly not a puppeteer she can be genuinely tender.and removes herself from what she calls "hazing""
boys will be boys.
but these arent boys pushing me around at the center
my reduction has made me appear even more lost than usual.
i either appear as a child.or a vagrant
every 70 minutes there is a fluctuation in my steadfastness nerve and sensability.the small tingling on the base of my skull.(THE DIMMER)in CASE ONE WISHES TO eSCAPE,
there are sudden and disarming changes to my countenance from the BEAM
i can appear suddenly frightful.or simply frightened all in the course of 2 minutes.
"the reigns " Evan calls it.
something THEY dont even talk about
chips that can actually alter one's appearance simply by locking nerves in segmental order.
Supposedly currently being incorperated secretly into the PROCESS
as the ultimate means of control
who thinks of these things? ( proxy corp.your world is ours.)
.i dreaded going back to the center
'I had made a scene at the conference,sitting there like an idiot on that stage for 2 hours suddenly I yelled"make me a real boy make me a real boy ghepeto "he shrugged it off explaining it as further proof to the audience why i needed to be reduced
he struck me afterward while Macy watched.ÿou wanna be a fuckingbaby .we'll make you a baby you god damn douchebag"
they took the bed out of my room and put in an oversized crib,making me dress like pinochio,and other things i cant let myself remember
ÿou wantëd to act out ?
.you wanted to write infantile disgusting lies on the computer
.you want to be a big baby you'll be treated as such.
you must be kidding i said
the goons made damn sure i understood they werent
placing me forcibly in the crib
all the while the beam ""pressing my mouth into a full smile.
evan heard me say something about the beam""
ÿou asshole.the beam "">you dont know anything.do you understand.the beam.it's a bit more complicated than that asshole.billions were put into this and you think douchebag like you gonna go calling out the authorities on your idiot blog.WE ARE THE AUTHORITIES
try calling a cop Jimbis
try it
trust me.
trust me
one of the wards seemed to like this crib talcumpowder business a bit too much giving me the most sickening smile
when he put a small bottle forcibly in my mouth
i have little to keep me busy in that room besides holograms and fingerpaints.i dont know anymore whta is more infantile
my paintings they have made sure cant sell.for UNRESOLVABLES are known to put secret ENROT into their paintings whether they mean to or not
sometimes i think that others besides Proxy can hear me","Liz says to the group
that there might be a god who hears or another side
when this first happened i would look up at any helicoptor or so many faces looking for someone to please please stop this,
how can nobody know?
than you you start to believe you really are crazy.
BUT I LOOK AT THE FACES AROUND ME.
theres something going on"
Liz is so dramatic,i cant help but think,she's turning on the poor me bizness specifically for Ham,who she knows is gäy.i dont know if I'm just thinking of Ham sexually to keep my thoughts in TYPICAL ""for ProxY not to sense anything NEW or if this guy is really getting under my skin ,for there is definitelysomething about him
"thank you Liz,thanks for sharing ëverybody groans,keeping the form and consistancy of an AA meeting.at the end we will all hold hands i want my hand in Hams,i hear myself think,but it is confusing.I think like Evan sometimes.i want my hand in HamsI need to be close to ham
mohommad or ham or whatever he called himself,DOMED for supposedly looking like an Italian seemed to be the main
man running the meeting
i had heard these arab types tossed their money around.and that some were pretty high up at prox.i wondered why these arab types would want any part of interneural interface.
OR the Process.
it seemed from what i heard that had direct interneural to the heavens
and as for The Process.
who could get more "processed than THEM?..
i never followed the news.even before being reduced.but i still was suspiscious of that type.
Ham had graduated college
he wasnt at the bottom of anything
he didnt live in a half way house,a shelter or a reduction center.he lived in a real house supposedly.somewhere near the industrial section
there was a calmness to him
never at a single meeting had i heard or seen him complain about 'the Voice to Rainy's way.Or The Process.
maybe because he came from a place that had more of a strangle hold.
maybe because he was educated? maybe because "he knew without knowing"
than than why was he here?
wasnt wanst wasnt this a place to vent about what proxy had done to us
was this some kind of test.?
it was hard to tell anymore.whowho was what.
maybe i was just prejudiced.and he did sort of look italian
he had a posture and a grace.somerhingabout him.
he always wore suits and carried himself high .
but never seemed to act as if he was above us i began thinking aboutsoda losing track of keeping my double thinking going
I began wanting to please this Ham this mohommad i would draw better for him wholesome pictures of ducks in still water,windmills.i wanted to sit close to him.i would sit at his feet.without even speaking i knew i would do anything for him.i would learn to speak his scribbly language .i would buy a tiny prayer rug and do those little bow down chants with him.he seemed so at peace.i had heard arabs people like him had begun investing in Proxy
Not all arabs are bad.
my mind is jolting.
I dont know what i am thinking.
i hope I havent been recorded.
i have been thinking bits of things that just seem wrong.
I have a sense that Evan was not only listening but also
subtly setting my thoughts and cues for another dream at some other time
my hand is held on one side by ham and the other by liz
we are chanting the lord's prayer
but i know where my prayers are going
nowhere
nowhere at all
i hope
i hope ihope
ok sweetheart
enough!
do you understand JimBO
you're going to start adding a Arab connection to try to get someone to stop this stop ME
and I've had it.
so much for you having any restraint .Back to the homeless shelter?or maybe the streets again.
well uh oh uh oh and uh oh it be the king of cybBBBBBaspace himself.making a rare rarity call to this clusterfucl of a situation bossman tossed me into.
nice one asshole.
not let's truly get back on point you dumbass
first off..
you ain't supposed to be writing on the god damn computer ever do you understand.
you're in deep enough shit as it is.
but if you re gonna describe
the process of
delineation
of recording thoughts
of this beam as your call it being able to non intrusively make gradations of mood and thought and intelligence to the actual brain.
explain why.
"ya see scumbo we're just fiddling with you cuz you aint supposed to be smoking.
and B. cuz you ain't supposed to be writing !
c.you re supposed to be like ,OH I DON"T KNOW Jim(bis)oh I don't know actually living a variance of existence.To create a somewhat balanced holographic imprint of yourself.
a life is about just a bit more than chain smoking watching TV and remembering past regrets
or moving to other towns chain smoking,hanging out in bars ,gambling and regretting past mistakes
memories have very little to do with certain people's actual self
you're a bit of a Misanthrope ,a bit of a goofball,crank.it takes all kinds .To be honest we picked you because we thought it would be easy to get rid of you without there being too much "hype"
and this is the pump dick who i must essentially bow down to,this is Drew Christie,kinfg of the wild frontier,who has twice tried to kill me,the reason i had begun trying to add the arab storyline.hmmm?oh really is this why.for who knows in this new world what is true anymore Christie huh?Proxy by any other name is what..and this is a man who holds my strings and quite literally my life in his hands .who has seen to it that my accounts were closed ,my apartment smashed,my things taken and me sent away from california because I was an embarrassment to his MADMAN project sponcered by GOD only knows.
yeah I was the cause of the problems you son of a bitch .Drew Christie doesn't only PLAY GOD .he is god when they get you tied into this NEW WORLD
(have you calmed down you sick bastard he graphs,Sundays he is at his most calm,but believe me i pay,it's usually 2 or 3 days after such an outburst of entry when evan or linda N. read the transcripts or my neurals.And by than i have all but forgotten what it is i have done.So it's like hitting a cat or something that has no idea what the hell he did 2 minutes ago.He doesnt like my stories these days .he sorta never di but now he says i am crossing a line.I HAVE CROSSED A LINE! are you god damn kidding me.cuz if this is for bizness or defense or communications I sure as shit aint seeing a dime of it.and that shit about making me into a hologram that will live thru all time was TOLD to ME as punishment 5 months ago for smoking too much weed or saying something mean to my mother or not trying to pick up Pool Boy or something.everything you see i do is wrong to these guys
and about Breaching this shit as far as i'm concerned it's all just some fucking Psychotic break right .yeah.so i can damn well say and type whatever the hell i want cause whose the mother fucker having to hide all this shit under boxes of pseudo lunacy for what years now.?yeah I'm crazy .certifiably when ever it's of damn conveniance to you.
and pardon Me Christie if my attempts to bring some real life intrigue into the dactology/ proxy situation isn't on your top summer reading list.and besides it is rather common knowledge that there are people of the arab persuasion who ARE indeed involved with both this "fictional' proxy organization as well as Dactology.not to mention the equipment.this marvel of modern MAYHEM
may i continue ,Christie says always amused.for he knows his goons will get to me.As he knows I cannot control my temper or my computer ramblings about the "experiemnt"
so if you must type up the rather secret (it's about patents dumbo)cutting edge techniques and process of the evil entity you call meercats proxy DOME or whatever is next in this comic book mind of yours let us perhaps turn this Hellraiser scenario around
and stop thinking you're turning this once in a life time experience into some fucking screenplay because i will see to it that any studio that even considers turning this dreck into something tidy mess has years of such litigation that they will never recoup.
but since so much freewill has been given for this project (this project you claim offers no free will,because to you freedom and your rights simply mean that you should get paid.to participate in the most rigorous exciting scientific innovation ever done.everything stops till jim(jimbis) gets paid to exist.does this make any sense?
but let us reverse this supposition that one's thought are separated than rendered into a module of "personality.I like the part about the raised pain threshold by the way and if I could after all that aggression in California believe me those thresholds would have indeed been raised.however the main objective is quite the opposite in that unguarded positive feeling,the GOOD PARTS,the opposite of Pain .The Pleasure and Love inside you are condensed and magnified and reassimilated through all time
than why this hardship bossman.
why everything that's being done
i don't belieieve it
it doesnt make snese
there was a time when i did
when it was clear that the only ways to get to true non drug induced euphoria ,bravery,lack of shame,power,and inteligence was throught sheer terror.
every spike in one's brain heart ,nerve would come on and soar.
and Drew Christie with a love I had never know
would always bring me back bit by bit
minute by minute
it didnt occur to me than that these parts were being recorded .or assimilated.
that coming down time from this primal fear.and it went as far as a human heart or nervous system could perhaps go(is that the reason for the smoking)was
a truly ....
magnificent,private situation
i feel in love to some extent with it with him
with him and the role he was not playing but serving
but now what.and why am i being punished now.it seems
why am i back to square one and nothing again
one must keep it to oneself
she had been treating me nicer since i've been reduced,givning me an enamal pen with refillable cartridges
"dont write directly on line is all i'm saying.from now on no computer since youve been reduced you're no longer capable of taking care of yourself. Rainy's original teachings were alot more strict on matters of the UNRESOLVABLE problem.he of course believed that unresolvables even when they pass away return with ENROT..that was before more modern times jimbis before we had the Beam.it's good to be a boy again isnt it jimbis.you were never really a man anyway.you said you were a puppet jimbis thats why youre going to wear shortpants and suspenders.like pinochio.at least when you're on the ward."
and it is true, as punishemnt for what i had said to evan at the Forum i have to wear brown shoes and little shorts with big buttons and a bow tie.in the colors of disney.i look like a fool but macy said it's good i know that i look a fool cuz i made everyone around me feel the same way putting everyone into jepardy becasue =i didnt care about anyone but myself ,"not about proxy or the Proxeteers or the shareholders or anyone but jimbis jimbis jimbis thru the entire training period
ïs that what you call it you cunt a training period ?a tiny wedge of thought all but smothered by my reduction is snuffed out by a sharp pain to my left arm.another less sharp vibration goes to my mouth .a Beam induced trigger of my 2nd facial nerve causes me to smile.and it is frozen.the beam is a new thing that proxy is using and testing.it is for control i think but also ..
"REDUCTIVES shouldnt think about things they dont understand.it's a small form of leverage of reward.you see little man. A face should be in tandum with what a person is really like inside.if a person is ugly inside.we will make him ugly outisde.if a person is beautiful inside we will make him so on the outside as well.one day it wont be facial nerves and compressors it will be something else,this is the beginning,there are so many things we can do.some things nobody knows.Pappa Rainy has thought of all this before and now it's all slowly coming through.one day IT WILL BE just like the real real pinochio everyone will live forever and ever.Not everyone .the right ones.You jimbis will never be a right one but we have plans for you too.
i feel a pinch ,a tingle ,on the back of my head and a small pinch.suddenly my face contourts
into a tight mask
even my eyes are frozen
should i get out the mirror Jimbis.oh you dont want to see.,she laughs ,oh you don't want to see.
stop stop i say although it is difficult to say anything
there is a cracking in my palate and the sides of my cheeks hurt.
she threatens to bring the mirror up to me but instead just snaps a picture.
another tingle through the back of my head and my facial muscles relax.
i feel another wave pass through me .i dont so much feel the wave as i feel the change in my mind .I am suddenly for no reason happy ,i feel younger than i am ,I like my short pants and suspenders
"am good.am i good at all"Hugging myself ,rocking back and forth fishing for kisses from my New Mother
No.,she says kissing me,ÿou are not good at all.you are unresolvable.
"than why dont you just kill me"I giggle ,pulling at strands of her long blonde hair
"we might jimbis"she says going through the ritual of tucking me in,since my run in with Evan i now sleep in a smaller bed that the carpenters made into a deep crib."
she turn on a small night lite and begins unfording blankets and bright colored sheets
she knows since my reduction sometimes i am scared of everything,and i like stories before sleep.
she hasnt any books but speaks to me about the new things proxy is working on as if it were a fairy tale
"when we do kill you.you wont really be dead , we will make you into a hologram ,with all your pain thresholds intact and more so"
i want soda iwant soda i am thinking and thinking ,ignoring her story
She reads her phone."no soda before bed jimbis,you know the rules,come on lets put on your nice pajamas they have little feet paddings.and little cowboys on them.
we will make you into a living functioning hologram you see,and than we will change you into things.and shapes a bug sometimes.maybe a little pig.or maybe a package of bologne.
I haVE BEEN DIMMED DOWN i FEEL THE LITTLE SPLINTS THRU MY BRAIN.BUT SOMETIMES THESE TINY TINGLES MAKE ME EUPHORIC ,HAPPY.I AM CLAPPING MY HANDS AS SHE PUTS THE PAJAMA TOP OVER MY HEAD
"my pain levels will be intact"I laugh and clap.so glad i remebred what she had siad earlier
"And raised"she says" raised to the highest levels possible.so for instance if we make you into the holographic form of a salami sandwhich and someone bites into it you will feel the pains of a million burning suns"
Í clap and I clap
I wanna be a sandwhich when you can do those things ,can you do those things now
we are working day and night day and night to do all sorts of wonderful things to people or non people just like you.thats why we like and we dont like you writing on the computer all those things..showing your hate to mankind .and your arrogance and coldness at the same time.also your horrible thoughts towards Proxy Corp and the world and nation
..but you know what little Jimbis we also love love love it.for we are making you more famous each day for being the most horrible type of man that no one should ever know ever again in the world"
I am smiling and clapping hoping she goes on with her story
"änd when we finally can turn you into a hologram ,and get all the pain levels at their peak,we can do all sorts of algebraic things to you to increase your pain to almost infinity.people can come and pay and watch you split and divide into a million pieces,and will know each division is as painful as a bite of a sandwhich you will be screaming like the screams of a million suns"
there will be charts and tv screens .and moniters with reading .and there you will be .Living TV,you will look like just random dots and plasma spinning and breaking apart.but no.
your whole dreadful personality will be stored and reassimilated into those dividing equations.you will be fullconscious thrrough out,we will make sure of it
that it why we are treating you with such care...all sorts of people you have met have been set in your life.
from the time you were so so little jimbis.and all your real thoughts were recorded.every lie every rotten thing you ever thought .did you know .they knew .even than they had little devices just like mine "to know,"isnt that wild jimbis "she said picking me up like a baby
I WANT SODA IWANT SODA PLEASE
That you voluntary wrote all those terrible thoughts on the computer was just a party favor for the main show,while we were reading your sick mind with The Beam as you like to call it.this interneural nonsense youve been writing about online even when we told you to stop.all the while we were making you into a Brand a Hologram,but you won't fly or sing .or just be light and sound.a ghost.You will be even more alive than you are now.with higher pain thresholds and
AND YOU KNOW WHAT WE WILL UNREDUCE YOU TOO AND MAKE YOU SO SO SMART SO NOT ONLY WILL YOU FEEL THE PAIN BUT YOU WILL BE SMART ENOUGH TO KNOW YOU DESERVED EACH AND EVERYBIT OF IT ALL THROUGH TIME.like i said we can make you into anything,a n insect,a dog,a woman,and in each and every so called carnation of yourself you will be the same miserable son of a bitch who single handedly tried destroying this project
Evan walked in and grabbed macy by the arm
Jesus Macy why are you telling HIM this.he'll write it online
good.he will be an example for the all of all time as what not to be..
Macy pushes me onto the bed ,"That,little man is How WE do it in dixie""
she pinches hard the afixed smile to my face caused by the BEAM striking the 6th facial nerve towards the back of my head.
a beep had gone off on her phone",she reads,ïs that what you call it you cunt"
hmm jimbis.I sure hope we dont need to do another reduction.
one more reduction and i dont even think you'll be allowed to even be considered grown enough for intercourse.and those nasty hands still cant seem to get enough of touching that filthy thing of yours.
she reaches her hand don my pants.Little boy.little boy indeed.now sit up straight and let's bring you into the playroom
we'll set up a nice chair and some crayons and some pens and you can write your stories
you like writing your stories dont you jimbis
ÿou should be happy jimbis that we are encouraging you to still be creative,to still "give it a go"with your writing maybe some nice children's books.or comics.maybe how being a little less intellectual has helped and not hurt your emotional outlook"
she knows i am confused.
How about a nice adventure story she says giving me a cookie,no boring sad stories of hollywood or baddies at scientific laboratories.or companies.thats'a no -no.say it with me before i give you this pen jimbis"
that's a no no"
thats'no no"
maybe some stories about new kings and new queens and treasures and paradises and love and soldiers
cops?i ask
no.no cops
cops arent involved in proxy .thats bad
or hospital workers.
or anyone else like that do you understand.
proxy as far as your concerned is a tiny kingdom of helpers .helpers all alot smarter than you
are we nice to you jimbis
do we help you smile when we can and give you nice clean sheets and clean clothes and smiles
cops and holywood are a no no jimbis
say it with me and you can have the pen
cops and hollywood a no no
she puts on a disk .an old show she says her and her sister loved.as kids.the women appear as a little bigger than real sized people and the colors on their skin are a tiny bit orange.the colors of the sets and flowers somehow fit better than you wouldthink in my tiny room
"condensed"Macy says ,now more interested in the skin tones than me,
she is half smiling on the phone ,while tinkering with the gadget that has caused these tall singers to appear.
they are an after thought it seems(i am proud that i remmebr a difficult word ..afterthought)but know i wont remembr it .macy seems a bit angry that i am not looking at the women .i know theyre not real.she sort of dances to the music,walking right through them.it is silly,the music is too loud.
"this is the style of the times Jimbis" the girls have tight buns and are wearing streamlines nice blue outfits
let this sink in.she touches me like i am a baby,patting my hair,
let your stories be as sweet as this
she mutes the girls i begin my "nicer"" stories
i try writing about these new kings and queens and flowers and beauty but
that resistance in me erupts
ï'm erupting ïm erupting i tell macy.should i write it down my eruption?
NO abSOLUTELY not .thats what we must get away from,that WAS the style of the times and look who it made.it made YOU.and dont keep those feeling inside either.just say
""CHIM CHIM CHEERIO"
i feel stupid ,I cant.
say CHIM CHIMCHEERIO.and those bad feeling ,that enrot will be gone,I swear,it's scientific.
NO! I yell
"she grabs the pen"SAY it ,(she points to the camera above)or SOMEONE might think that JIMBIS might need anothe reduction...besides she says it works,please,please just try
CHIM CHIM CHEERIO i say
and see ..she points to things in the air.
and I see them
little bits of brown smog like air coming out of my mouth
äre these part of the Magic garden girls the 3D TV People?I ask
No NO NO.thats real enrot coming out of you ,she say"'CHIMCHIMCHEERIO!and here's a cookie for KNOWING with out knowing what is real
CHIMCHIMCHEERIO
she sings handing me back my pen,leaving the room
should i keep it a squeak opened?she says
leave it ajar
dont say ajar jimbis.",she smiles""people will think youre trying to be something
being nothin is the best think of all
Fuuuuuuuck you i hear my mind say before i can stop it
and I feel the VIBRATION OF THE SCAN GO TICKLY briefly through myCORTEX.A LASER SO SO SO TInY dR f SAID THAT IT DOESNT REALLY SEVER BUT..(it's like reverse MRI or Xray but little adjustmenmtärrangements are rayed back into the brain sometimes so subtle)
stop thinking those things JIMBIS"" Macy yells ,my quick thought "fuck you"has obviosuly appeared on her telephone.The day has just begun and already youre not off to a good start.bad words.bad thoughts ït's like thinking of Poo or flossing.it's digusting.but i know it cant be helped SOMETIMES
think of CHIMeeeeroonies and Flowers and clouds and the sun
I'll leave the girls on,maybe it'll give you some ideas about New Worlds ,New stories.
i write in my journal.and i write on little bits of cardboard that i hide away.
Lady Handbag he calls her and the husbands name is Mohamed but David calls him MO.
Moe ,"she whispers,"he doesn't like saying ,softer,Mo-ha_med on the phone ,or even outloud. Well Moe and this Lady handbag are like the King and Queen of the Countryclub scene in this really good part of where ever it is.iraq iran one of those places.what does it matter?well this lady handbag i guess just thought she was like all american..and had all these aspirations of like opening this boutique or something .i can just see her.younng pretty.probably married for money,spending her days reading magazines.very rich David says.both of them ,he's in communications OVER there.Yes brenda she says, rolling her eyes "they have tv and communications in THOSE places .well she has just got to make something of herself.you know ,like Patty with those god awful cermaic vases .well this chick goes all out ,"megan pauses"no I dont know if she wears a burka.what does it matter.there IS you know a point to to this story ...anyway she goes all out creating and developing and producing these Handbags.and than wouldnt you know .Poof.it's september 2001.and Opps.imagine nobody no longer gives a shit about some arab pricess types gift to high fashion.serves her right dontcha think.Those people.Do you know what i mean?
No brenda the middle east is anything but poor.DO YOU even read a newspaper?and I didnt mean anything prejudice when i said "Those people.you read into every little thing.some of them are beautiful and have lovely skin.anyway lady Handbag ,"whispering "Mohammad's wife.Moe's wife
well.long story short.she goes into like instant depression and they run and find some american like Doctor to give her all these pills.yes they have pills like that in iraq too I suppose..
well,in no time she's like dead plain addicted ,like some crazy episode of celebrity rehab she tries all this stuff to get off them,detox,a treatment center,she just can't get off these pills.so she's in a i guess another facility or doctor office and comes across the arabic translation of Gary Rainy's ENWAYS
and she's like overcome or something .and needs to find this man,this Rainy.so next thing you know Lady handbag and MO are off on a plane
and she's like overcome or something .and needs to find this man,this Rainy.so next thing you know Lady handbag and MO are off on a plane
to England.I dont know why england,i suppose there are Dactology offices in England is all
and who do you think happens to be there demonstrating Proxy Nano .."another interuption
"yes brenda! i guess some of THEM are allowed on planes,really ,just who is out of the loop here? me or you.
well david is of course "not one of them," but as you know being in Proxy he has ties to Dactology and the next thing you know Evan is in england,he sees the dough and the oppurtunity,as did david bring him aboard
Mo was of course was charmed by my david and in no time they were thick as peas
and who do you think happens to be there demonstrating Proxy Nano .."another interuption
"yes brenda! i guess some of THEM are allowed on planes,really ,just who is out of the loop here? me or you.
well david is of course "not one of them," but as you know being in Proxy he has ties to Dactology and the next thing you know Evan is in england,he sees the dough and the oppurtunity,as did david bring him aboard
Mo was of course was charmed by my david and in no time they were thick as peas
. In a week she 's off the pills and has "seen the light ' or something suddenly lady handbag can careless for handbags but just likes goes all Gary rainy dactology.Her husband seeing the change in his wife gets even more involved and smitten.and that's where David steps in,seeing an oppurtunity .you know david.always looking for oppurtunity.they spend a week in London,discussing ENWAYS and the Process.David who could sell ice to eskimoes insists that the process might work really well if it was tweaked a bit to go with some of "you know", their teachings,not entirely ,but a bit..a hybrid,he's just putting it out there.it's a backward country.everyone knows that,communication is the key both evan and david and Mo agree ..and he thinks maybe he can get them some of the software. some Nano.and i'm sure lady handbag just is dying to be progressive ,you know the type,imagine her showing off her headset at a function instead of some damn earrings.
could you imagine proxy going global?
our problems would be solved.david could finally relax,the money would just come rolling in
could you imagine proxy going global?
our problems would be solved.david could finally relax,the money would just come rolling in
when i go out i can dress in street clothes.here it's this pinochio outfit.
in the quad there is a stock a laughing stock .literally.
i was put into it 3 days in a row.
i have also seen grown men in suits put into it
it is the New Way too i guess
.for evryone
not just those that have been reduced
i am allowed out everyother tuesday and on thursdays
i see XPROX stickers around the church where i go for pineconeman meetings
supposedly theyre AA meetings but there 's wink and a nod when i enter that told me i went to the right place
i practice drawing in the Neww Way for the cameras and for Macy who is my New Mother for my Steps Towards RESOLUTION
at the same time writing about XPROX on the cardboard
Ham seems to be the head of the operation Ham somehow short for Mohammad the first Cybs club
he also refers to Proxy as mk ultra.
OPeratiON Charly Gordon.
flowers for alegernon
we were the mice
boy i sure am moving up in the fuckin world.pinecone meetings for artists who have had to sell their work dirt cheap exposing their awful backstories for peanuts.
(did i meantion liz has been written about for making a gorgeous peant unicorn in the presegious Pinecone Perrenial of Poutsider artists,her dealer now pays her literally with peanuts,both hulled and unhulled to keep up her momentum
when she complains she would prefer real money her dealer gives her a glass of milk and a scolding that she's not a fine artist,she's a primitve.her work is even more "special" he says. like her.
"special " people dont really need money
peanuts are fine
and who is Liz to say anything different
after all her art was inspired by the fact that she lived with an uncle who molested her throughout high school.
her dealer felt it best she kept on living their ,"otherwise" the art would be inauthentic
it made sense
if you really thought about it
as long as one didnt think about it too long
well
besides going to my weekly Pinecone meeting I now meet bi weekly with the first Cybs Club
most of them schizophrenics
who see and hear things
but also a few who dont quite fit the bill
people who were targeted in the mid 90's by Proxy Corp to become
human guinie pigs for a new type of communication
you can usually tell who is who
the schizoid set having a rather different glean in their eyes
to the more fear ful caught in headlights look to those Taken""
so we have made agreements with Joan of Arc (or st joan ) cathedral to let the group be divided.
the schizophrenics and the pseudo schizophrenics in two adjacent rooms.
we've both been driven crazy by extra sensory overload,perhaps permantly.the only difference
really is that they can take medications to thwart their "REading" and we cannot
nobody in our group knows exactly how proxy works
we are all long past being both PROCESSED and quieted
many of us have lost every thing we ever had .or aspired to get
the problems are not only interior
we are still being used
that it seems is our only function
for one of the functions of the new communications
is television.
and symbols
unfortunately much of this symbiotic interface must have been proposed at a time when there were much more limited programs.and or visual import
for instance i have heard
suppose you get your hair cut.and you dont like it.it's a specific hair cut.let's say a bowl cut
now this hair cut is very much on your mind
than you walk by and see another person with the very same haircut
you feel a connection to him immediately.you maybe look at hima little longer.
"what"i hear myself say.
but i need something.i need something to "play "during this meeting.something vaguely subversive,something out of my current ability of thought.
something to keep the Proxetteers busy
i had learned early on how one can both listen ,think and project at the same time,often it was thru song.
i had memorized the song Macy's hologirls had sung.i could pitch my mind to play that for the proxeteers who knew i did this when i was nervous repeat and repeat things just as the NCIA had taught me
everything i learned to get this far
trust me thinking of Brick walls a la villiage of the damned wasnt going to cut it
and it sure as fuck wasnt any easier bering reduced
nor wearing a pinochio outfit ina locked ward
but ás snogged as my witness I hadnt come this far to bag it now"
but it was getting difficult
all through the XPROX meeting i had to sing internal songs,think about AA meetings and hope that the others at least knew something of interneural blocking techniques to even be here.
i looked around for "spys"people who werent double thinking.
PROX never let anyone go.
but if their READINGS were neutral enough they often "took a night off"
that's why the taking of drugs such as tranquilizers or mood stablizers was out of the question,PROX wanted to know every glitch and pitch of the brain wave
repeating helped
..like an algebra problem to keep the Proxeteers off cnter
functions of the new communications
is television.
and symbols
unfortunately much of this symbiotic interface must have been proposed at a time when there were much more limited programs.and or visual import
for instance
much more reading has to take place,combing through our cortex to "see" what stories
and or character on televison
have "entranced" us or interest us(much much easier when there wer 3 or 4 channels)
tbut the problem was
was the Questioners.
the
UNRESOLVABLES
the Guine pigs of phase one of The New Way who had been brought in
is that by the time one has gone "all conspiracy theory" trying to get to the bottom of this situtation
one doesnt really make any real connection with much of anything at all.
an entire Rugby game may be playing through his visual and aural construct and all a fallen prox testee can usually think of is the goverment cheese benefits at the local food bank.so paranoid is prox with being "caught 'that they have ingeniously decided that it's testees should fall to the lowest echalon of life.so as not to stand out .or make waves.I should begin wearing my Pinochio outfit out in public i decided.
the NCIA owed me big time.I was losing it .but still i was glad to be out and my roving eye had fallen upon not only a double thinker but quite a piece of hmmmm..Ialthough i didnt really care for what he was speaking about,he was talking
"he was sayingthey follow unresovles mainly for suicide watch for although the processors are small,there are other ,more subtle variations.that are integral post humourously that ..well to make a long story short,one of the most importanyt parts of the "studies" is atopsy.(one out of 7 members of prox.dact in every field from the hosptials to the final process of the funeral home) problem has always been not but one who has been proxed has ever left enuf intact studies of how the reved up metabolism and adrenal system is "captivated" since always in a high state of tension no one can stop cigarette smoking successfully""
"what about drinking ,my name is Joe and i am an alcoholic.."he winked reminding everyone to at the same time visualized or CORALIZE a typical AAmeeting while we discussed Proxy and anti Proxy concerns
"Can we keep on topic" Liz says,Liz from the Pinecone group who supposedly.has also been Proxed.I dont believe her I just think she likes the air conditioning and the apple fritters Ham makes specifically for the group.
Ham is a strange one.
very intense.
he doesnt speak much
he sits with his arms folded.
he brought his wife once
and she was wearing a birka
several memebers left the room.
like i said conspiracy theory ,once it gets in it seems to know no bounds.
Ham said he was proxed in 1996.he's an american althought middle eastern ,he was in Hollywood
(up to "no good"(queer?) he snuck off from his parents he was visiting UCLA dental depeartment,snuck away from the Ramada
met an Italian or something
and they went to his hotel room(the italian)
"you italian?"the italian asked Ham
"yes" said Hammod who indeed looked italian and not middler eastern aLL,knowing this when ham went on his "seeking" looking for some"some some"he usually called himself Tony.
the next morning Ham woke up
altered.
hearing voices
beginning the Process
it didnt take long for proxy to realize that Tony wasnt a Tony
but Mohhamand (or Ham)as he called himself
i could see in his eyes that he was in a different boat than the rest of us.
he sat up straight
he dressed better.
He didnt smoke
i was suspiscious of Ham and his strangely dressed wife,i would say i was like..whats it called
uh
hmm.racist but ..well i just didnt like it
they seemd too upright too something
like they ran the place cause they were taller ,and beautiful and made not storee bought treats for the group.but those fucking fritters.
i didnt know they had apple fritters in Arabia or whatever they came from
Ham like had this gilded way of speaking.gilded was a word Liz used
she was in love with Ham althought he was obviously marreid
AND GAY
wasnt that why he was proxed to begin with years ago.looking for dick around vine st.according to him?
he was the only one of us who had finished college
he knew more about the "system" proxy has put in us than we could imagine
"moreso than they even have on youtube"Liz said ,after a meeting."he's like all of google and youtube and even books on cybernetics combined"
'whatever Liz,go make him into a peanut sculpture"
I was saving that for xmas.how'd you knwo"
I had known her now for 5 weeks ,where was my peanut sculpture?"
I dont trust this Ham .I dont think he's been Proxed.
he's probably
up to something.,that kind always is
"Prejudiced asshole"Liz said
"peanut princess poutsider pushover"
Rememebring she was living with her uncle ,who still molesteded her ,i stopped the teasing,and although it was against my nature I put my arm around her"
I dont trust Ham i said
ham,hammod,ahmod,people with names like that.
"he said proxy probably thought he was italian"
I dont know liz,maybe we have this all wrong what this proxy really is.
and i heard group like his often wire money or something or other money into all sorts of things.could you imagine what like arabics and shit could do with proxy techniques?"
you watch too much tv"
i am watched by too much tv you mean"
keep talking like that and you'll be sitting in the atrium room with no apple fritters.
you callin gme a true schizophrenic..because i can tell yous tories'
I'm just saying you have some kind of THING with Ham,I think youre attracted to him
i was.i had to admit it.was I.
yes jimbis you are a voice that seems like my own says.i am.
i asked Liz if i could give him the peanut Mohhamod peanut sculpture to him myself at the nest meeting and say it was from me.
I thought you have no feelings jimbis isnt that the company line at prox?
"plllleeeeez,they read what they want
she was making me angry ,as if deliberately causing a spike to cause Macy to..
but it wasnt that difficult altering my spike to that which macy ran from
for Mohhamad or Ham or whatever he called himself was causing a bit of a spike himself.
these meeting (these AA,meeting,or smoking cessation meetings) were the only unchaperoned time we had
we. us all these babyish terms to hide the frankensteiness of it all
what was i called now that i had been REDUCED a hapern.a halfwit .a what.there were more made up fuckingterms at Proixat the same time i'm thinking i want soda i want soda i am hot.i hate sitting next to people anything to keep my graph consistent with the descipcable style they read me as.
it reminded me of my parents.they see you one way.think of you one way.treat you one way and that is often what you grow into
oh god.i cant even finish that thought there is indeed something to being reduced.what good did all those years of thinking that bookish horseshit get me .
but .
Macy likes being called a New Mother .or a big sister.certainly not a puppeteer she can be genuinely tender.and removes herself from what she calls "hazing""
boys will be boys.
but these arent boys pushing me around at the center
my reduction has made me appear even more lost than usual.
i either appear as a child.or a vagrant
every 70 minutes there is a fluctuation in my steadfastness nerve and sensability.the small tingling on the base of my skull.(THE DIMMER)in CASE ONE WISHES TO eSCAPE,
there are sudden and disarming changes to my countenance from the BEAM
i can appear suddenly frightful.or simply frightened all in the course of 2 minutes.
"the reigns " Evan calls it.
something THEY dont even talk about
chips that can actually alter one's appearance simply by locking nerves in segmental order.
Supposedly currently being incorperated secretly into the PROCESS
as the ultimate means of control
who thinks of these things? ( proxy corp.your world is ours.)
.i dreaded going back to the center
'I had made a scene at the conference,sitting there like an idiot on that stage for 2 hours suddenly I yelled"make me a real boy make me a real boy ghepeto "he shrugged it off explaining it as further proof to the audience why i needed to be reduced
he struck me afterward while Macy watched.ÿou wanna be a fuckingbaby .we'll make you a baby you god damn douchebag"
they took the bed out of my room and put in an oversized crib,making me dress like pinochio,and other things i cant let myself remember
ÿou wantëd to act out ?
.you wanted to write infantile disgusting lies on the computer
.you want to be a big baby you'll be treated as such.
you must be kidding i said
the goons made damn sure i understood they werent
placing me forcibly in the crib
all the while the beam ""pressing my mouth into a full smile.
evan heard me say something about the beam""
ÿou asshole.the beam "">you dont know anything.do you understand.the beam.it's a bit more complicated than that asshole.billions were put into this and you think douchebag like you gonna go calling out the authorities on your idiot blog.WE ARE THE AUTHORITIES
try calling a cop Jimbis
try it
trust me.
trust me
one of the wards seemed to like this crib talcumpowder business a bit too much giving me the most sickening smile
when he put a small bottle forcibly in my mouth
i have little to keep me busy in that room besides holograms and fingerpaints.i dont know anymore whta is more infantile
my paintings they have made sure cant sell.for UNRESOLVABLES are known to put secret ENROT into their paintings whether they mean to or not
sometimes i think that others besides Proxy can hear me","Liz says to the group
that there might be a god who hears or another side
when this first happened i would look up at any helicoptor or so many faces looking for someone to please please stop this,
how can nobody know?
than you you start to believe you really are crazy.
BUT I LOOK AT THE FACES AROUND ME.
theres something going on"
Liz is so dramatic,i cant help but think,she's turning on the poor me bizness specifically for Ham,who she knows is gäy.i dont know if I'm just thinking of Ham sexually to keep my thoughts in TYPICAL ""for ProxY not to sense anything NEW or if this guy is really getting under my skin ,for there is definitelysomething about him
"thank you Liz,thanks for sharing ëverybody groans,keeping the form and consistancy of an AA meeting.at the end we will all hold hands i want my hand in Hams,i hear myself think,but it is confusing.I think like Evan sometimes.
mohommad or ham or whatever he called himself,DOMED for supposedly looking like an Italian seemed to be the main
man running the meeting
i had heard these arab types tossed their money around.and that some were pretty high up at prox.i wondered why these arab types would want any part of interneural interface.
OR the Process.
it seemed from what i heard that had direct interneural to the heavens
and as for The Process.
who could get more "processed than THEM?..
i never followed the news.even before being reduced.but i still was suspiscious of that type.
Ham had graduated college
he wasnt at the bottom of anything
he didnt live in a half way house,a shelter or a reduction center.he lived in a real house supposedly.somewhere near the industrial section
there was a calmness to him
never at a single meeting had i heard or seen him complain about 'the Voice to Rainy's way.Or The Process.
maybe because he came from a place that had more of a strangle hold.
maybe because he was educated? maybe because "he knew without knowing"
was this some kind of test.?
it was hard to tell anymore.
maybe i was just prejudiced.and he did sort of look italian
he had a posture and a grace.somerhingabout him.
he always wore suits and carried himself high .
but never seemed to act as if he was above us i began thinking about
I began wanting to please this Ham this mohommad i would draw better for him wholesome pictures of ducks in still water,windmills.i wanted to sit close to him.i would sit at his feet.without even speaking i knew i would do anything for him.i would learn to speak his scribbly language .i would buy a tiny prayer rug and do those little bow down chants with him.he seemed so at peace.i had heard arabs people like him had begun investing in Proxy
Not all arabs are bad.
my mind is jolting.
I dont know what i am thinking.
i hope I havent been recorded.
i have been thinking bits of things that just seem wrong.
I have a sense that Evan was not only listening but also
subtly setting my thoughts and cues for another dream at some other time
my hand is held on one side by ham and the other by liz
we are chanting the lord's prayer
but i know where my prayers are going
nowhere
nowhere at all
i hope
ok sweetheart
enough!
do you understand JimBO
you're going to start adding a Arab connection to try to get someone to stop this stop ME
and I've had it.
so much for you having any restraint .Back to the homeless shelter?or maybe the streets again.
well uh oh uh oh and uh oh it be the king of cybBBBBBaspace himself.making a rare rarity call to this clusterfucl of a situation bossman tossed me into.
nice one asshole.
not let's truly get back on point you dumbass
first off..
you ain't supposed to be writing on the god damn computer ever do you understand.
you're in deep enough shit as it is.
but if you re gonna describe
the process of
delineation
of recording thoughts
of this beam as your call it being able to non intrusively make gradations of mood and thought and intelligence to the actual brain.
explain why.
"ya see scumbo we're just fiddling with you cuz you aint supposed to be smoking.
and B. cuz you ain't supposed to be writing !
c.you re supposed to be like ,OH I DON"T KNOW Jim(bis)oh I don't know actually living a variance of existence.To create a somewhat balanced holographic imprint of yourself.
a life is about just a bit more than chain smoking watching TV and remembering past regrets
or moving to other towns chain smoking,hanging out in bars ,gambling and regretting past mistakes
memories have very little to do with certain people's actual self
you're a bit of a Misanthrope ,a bit of a goofball,crank.it takes all kinds .To be honest we picked you because we thought it would be easy to get rid of you without there being too much "hype"
and this is the pump dick who i must essentially bow down to,this is Drew Christie,kinfg of the wild frontier,who has twice tried to kill me,the reason i had begun trying to add the arab storyline.hmmm?oh really is this why.for who knows in this new world what is true anymore Christie huh?Proxy by any other name is what..and this is a man who holds my strings and quite literally my life in his hands .who has seen to it that my accounts were closed ,my apartment smashed,my things taken and me sent away from california because I was an embarrassment to his MADMAN project sponcered by GOD only knows.
yeah I was the cause of the problems you son of a bitch .Drew Christie doesn't only PLAY GOD .he is god when they get you tied into this NEW WORLD
(have you calmed down you sick bastard he graphs,Sundays he is at his most calm,but believe me i pay,it's usually 2 or 3 days after such an outburst of entry when evan or linda N. read the transcripts or my neurals.And by than i have all but forgotten what it is i have done.So it's like hitting a cat or something that has no idea what the hell he did 2 minutes ago.He doesnt like my stories these days .he sorta never di but now he says i am crossing a line.I HAVE CROSSED A LINE! are you god damn kidding me.cuz if this is for bizness or defense or communications I sure as shit aint seeing a dime of it.and that shit about making me into a hologram that will live thru all time was TOLD to ME as punishment 5 months ago for smoking too much weed or saying something mean to my mother or not trying to pick up Pool Boy or something.everything you see i do is wrong to these guys
and about Breaching this shit as far as i'm concerned it's all just some fucking Psychotic break right .yeah.so i can damn well say and type whatever the hell i want cause whose the mother fucker having to hide all this shit under boxes of pseudo lunacy for what years now.?yeah I'm crazy .certifiably when ever it's of damn conveniance to you.
and pardon Me Christie if my attempts to bring some real life intrigue into the dactology/ proxy situation isn't on your top summer reading list.and besides it is rather common knowledge that there are people of the arab persuasion who ARE indeed involved with both this "fictional' proxy organization as well as Dactology.not to mention the equipment.this marvel of modern MAYHEM
so if you must type up the rather secret (it's about patents dumbo)cutting edge techniques and process of the evil entity you call meercats proxy DOME or whatever is next in this comic book mind of yours let us perhaps turn this Hellraiser scenario around
and stop thinking you're turning this once in a life time experience into some fucking screenplay because i will see to it that any studio that even considers turning this dreck into something tidy mess has years of such litigation that they will never recoup.
but since so much freewill has been given for this project (this project you claim offers no free will,because to you freedom and your rights simply mean that you should get paid.to participate in the most rigorous exciting scientific innovation ever done.everything stops till jim(jimbis) gets paid to exist.does this make any sense?
but let us reverse this supposition that one's thought are separated than rendered into a module of "personality.I like the part about the raised pain threshold by the way and if I could after all that aggression in California believe me those thresholds would have indeed been raised.however the main objective is quite the opposite in that unguarded positive feeling,the GOOD PARTS,the opposite of Pain .The Pleasure and Love inside you are condensed and magnified and reassimilated through all time
than why this hardship bossman.
why everything that's being done
i don't belieieve it
it doesnt make snese
there was a time when i did
when it was clear that the only ways to get to true non drug induced euphoria ,bravery,lack of shame,power,and inteligence was throught sheer terror.
every spike in one's brain heart ,nerve would come on and soar.
and Drew Christie with a love I had never know
would always bring me back bit by bit
minute by minute
it didnt occur to me than that these parts were being recorded .or assimilated.
that coming down time from this primal fear.and it went as far as a human heart or nervous system could perhaps go(is that the reason for the smoking)was
a truly ....
magnificent,private situation
i feel in love to some extent with it with him
with him and the role he was not playing but serving
but now what.and why am i being punished now.it seems
why am i back to square one and nothing again
Friday, June 8, 2012
there were several reasons this needed to be kept private and so many others why it needed to be public.
she had read through the documents
1994
and 2011/2012
on the case
there were more blackened out sections thasn she had ever seen on a supposedly run of the mill "mental case"
the sheer documentation seemed to make no sense.
Lauren worked specifically on Cyber and computer crimes and was brought in to study the papers on Proxy
Lauren ,usually up to the know in every aspect of computers couldnt believe what was placed in front of him
"can they even make these things,are these things even allowed to be made,"he said tweezing 5 small chips that were compatible with the headset
"the new ones are even smaller ;"Favette said,undetectable,
who else..what is it some fucking game?""he asked
"they were created legally to help autistic children and a way to segue someone out of a coma..you can imagine what else they were created for.."Favette said
"no ,you dont want to,"she said correcting herself
and this Jimbis has been walking around with this shit in him for how long?"Lauren asked
Favette began packing up the headsets and chips
"what are you doing?Lauren said
I will not go near this case.
a change of heart,she stopped herself.
"no maybe I will,maybe it's time..the pecker wants it all out? let's have it out than.
"so you knew about this?"Lauren said ,still trying to understand the implications of the equipment
Favett rolled her eyes,everybody knew,she made a note to fire Lauren ,she didnt likem his wide eyed look,,he was the type who sided with THEM
Matter of factly she said to Lauren"after 2 minutes of a reading i was ready to want the man killed myself"
"you do understand how this stuff works dont you"Lauren said putting down the chips
more than i care to say"
"and so does jimbis
alot more than he cares to admit.it's much easier for him to go with schizophrenia,what ever is conveniant,and now he thinks he's owed,this man thinks he's been owed since the day he was born"
"and what he wrote about poor Yorkie"Favette said
"everyman needs a defense and this is indefensable,i dont understand Favette,you said you wanted to represent the case"
"yes i want to call heidi and tell her i want her to write a piece explaining that jimbis publicly has exposed his art to be frauduless
this fucker wants to play games.he hasnt seen anything yet.that worm wants money?wait till he sees what he has to pay back
The Process is supposed to be confidential
the entire process is based on integrity
this worm of a blog .
.
"" favette steamed
"the perenial victim
he didnt deserve the process."
"I dont agree Favette,"Lauren sniped
"keep it to yourself than
do you understand"
"don't you care about this man's position?Lauren asked<that he was unknowingly spiked with an interneural ..."
"is this equipment ,troubling, difficult,yes,yes i suppose it is,but...
it's not the tool Lauren
It's the Fear of the tool."
this guy thinks he's innocent.
he might do time
adam parker 2
the 11th of a 17 week shoot with Tolly
he was itching to get back to LA
.he hated these Toronto shoots
he missed his "proxy"
but it wasnt going well with the husk
seems his "protege" was back at the computer,York had said,
"did he really volunteer for this?" Adam asked
"No Adam ,we like found him in the fucking street drugged him and DOMED him,dont believe everything you read on line
"when did he volunteer?he doesn't ever seem to know whats going on,"Adam asked
"oh he's good like that,he's sneaky like that,
remember the Little Debbie incident
when they were convinced Jimbis wanted or did something to a girl named Debbie
2 full days
on the trail" of" Little Debbie"who turned out to be
a cupcake
" Oh you don't know..it's very hush hush but everybody knows..Oh please tell me you don't know...well I can't say ,it's a thing they've been working on since the late 80's...tv darhling what do you think I'm talking about ..the silicon valley BEFORE their was a silicon valley and every studio from her to France had a piece in it..now everyone says what what..we did what what," Megan says into the phone,more into the phone than to Barbara,a 5th choice friend for phone chats,"yes interneural interface,I won't explain it again", "
". Brad says I shouldnt talk about it but he talks of nothing else,I swear he keeps a monitor near our bed,he tracks this guy's every moveHe doesnt call him by name just Demon,"Mega says eating pieces of a fruitrollup Ash left near the sink,. ".I try to read it but you have to use a special headset and you have to be able to decipher things,and Brad said it could be dangerous getting into a mind like that,supposedly he has inroads or something with ..I don't know..forces or something? after all He is called Demon ,.sick sick sick and we're not talkin s-i-c- we're talking s-i-c-K with a big K...from what i hear."
" They assumed demon was dead,everyone was so damned paranoid back than remember how everyone acted at Shelly's bat Mitzvah ?1994.June,you remember,it was like a funeral,poor Shelly...Well this guy who they thought I dont know died or something like comes back.to LA' ..they supposedly never tried it again,Megan says reaching into the pantry for another fruit roll up."..horseshit I assume half the actors working today use interneural interface.half of these people can't even read. but this guythis demon, was like a test version and they drove him god damn nuts,he took all this speed and started like seeing shit or something with Parson Nilson of all people at the helm.Parson Nilson "she shouts into the phone hoping brenda can sense her eye roll,"he used to be in herman's hermits or something..anyway they just wanted to cover it up..they picked the wrong guy.who knew he was a speed freak. or a demon or whatever he is.
well demon it seems is writing a screenplay or something.but he doesnt know it was just some..acting device so people wouldnt need scripts or sight lines and he of course he assumes it's like angels and shit..well Harry took a picture of demon, drinking lemonaide at a starbucks.whats he look like not much i can tell you that much i was expecting horns or something the way they talk but lemonaide?at starbucks?..."
she puts the first page of notes for the treatment down
"Is that a better way to write it?notice no dactology no "otherment" affairs no nothing .Just Hollywood.and we both know there is no sinister side to hollywood"I smile,but the smile is tight tardive dyskinesia,from the drugs,I was in four point restraint.another opening another show.
this was the 3rd hospital i've been in since my return to LA,"you know Macy,it's dem voices,dem voices just won't leave me alone"
whomever is pulling the strings around here sure as shit has alot more money power and everything than i do
was this some morality test.?
where the hell was i supposed to pull this morality out of.?huh
if god came to me,the real thing not this shit he'd be like.well.he'd listen for one
i mean he might not comiserate.
but i dont think he'd keep twisting me around
he'd be like dude you really cant think str8 it might take me like 15 years to see where this bullshit came from and how to undo it
.he wouldnt go all horror show etc..i mean think of it when like adam first heard god booming he must have been like oh no oh no oh no
than if god was like reading his mind which i presume he could.what would adam do
what if his thoughts were adhd or unpleasant etc.
was he supposed to be like ok god.(stop) I will mend my ways (stop)or would his mind be like fuck fuck fuck i'm freezing and this eve needs food ..or oh fuck evee im not even into her ,than god might be real pissed and he'd be like sorry sorry sorry.but imagine if he wasnt sorry and god knew it than hed have to spend like all this energy somehow running away from his true thought and still be hungry and still have to interneural with god who he knew could like turn him into dust
"thats quite a pitch" Macy Enty says.hitting me with the entire volume of small life video and wallhangings
"do you think it rings true.or could with further rewrites?"I asked sarcastically,I wanted to ask the nurse to untie at least one of my limbs.But she tells the nurse to leave.Please
"the dramatic structure needs work,it is all over the place."
so was proxy these days,it seems a few other fanchises .both big and Heavy were wanted a share.and since so many other Proxees had ..uh sorta fallen off roof tops or falled in front of automobiles ..or fallen on loaded guns and such I was the only prox still proxiable.
" this "schizophrenia" has it's drawbacks i'm afraid .
i have a bit of a jump cut mind these days as you well know"
,i had sent several copies of Small life Video and wallhangings to Fox,Paramount and New line studios,all to get to Macy Enty,"Queen of the Wild Frontier"
"i had an aunt who was schizophrenic,she talked and talked about all sorts of things.we had to put her away...I imagine if there was an internet she would have typed and typed her crazy all over the place.and i suppose than she still would have been put away"
"ya think Macy?" ya really think they could put a loon away for typing cw-cwa-cwazy shit online?"
"yes jimbis I think they could?"
"oh dear Macy.such scary times.I'm so glad that i only write fiction,did you like the treatment?
"there's a plot in there somewhere," I say,"you just have to look for it"
"i posted it online thinking i might get some help ,perhaps an "in the loop" type to fill in the blanks"
'sometimes blanks are good.blanks are better than bullets,don't you think?"she said,"posting online a treatment,arent you afraid someone will steal your ideas?"
"oh didnt you hear Macy everybody knows."
"knows what?you dont believe any of this is true do?or is that your ..twist"
"yeah it's my twist,it's why I'm laying here tied to a bed "
"you should go back east,maybe try to fill in the blanks for yourself jimbis.Mind reading,interneural interface my aunt mary used to talk of such things..."
besides being a producer macy was also a public spokesman and statesmen for dactology.
what she said about my writing online confused me,didnt she know?
'small life video and wallhangings LET ME TELL YOU JUST HOW SMALL THAT LIFE OF YOURS CAN GET"
"oh it is quite small enough thank you,"
"you just can't stop can you."
"me?"
"we're concerned is all,there is something in you that isnt quite right.and Adam knows things"
"he's a fucking actor .what does he know"
"he knows what he knows.look at you.,running crazy in the streets of OUR town,serves you right"
"and just why dear was i running crazy in the streets"
"proxy is a tool.those that fear the tool.."
"have you ever been proxed."has adam?"
"it's lucky that you have jimbis,it's lucky that we know what we have here.."
"it's my mind I can think whatever i god damn want to."
"you really think this is about just Your Thinking?you selfish fucking idiot?it's about a new world,a new way of interacting,it 's political"
"it's a horror show is what it is"
"it's a tool,you are using it wrong,you fear the tool and don't hear the instructions"
"oh sister i hear the instructions all right"
"did the instructions tell you to write about it all over the internet "
"i had an aunt who was schizophrenic,she talked and talked about all sorts of things.we had to put her away...I imagine if there was an internet she would have typed and typed her crazy all over the placeTyping ,talking .same thing really i suppose than she still would have been put away"
"ya think Macy?" ya really think they could put a loon away for typing cw-cwa-cwazy shit online?"
"yes jimbis I think they could?"
she touched my face softly at the same time undoing of my arms from the restraints,kissing my forehead gently
Jesus did this woman remind me of my mother
she opened a bottle of st elsewhere.(and whispered in my ear)
"but this is how you will write of me,this is how you will think of me.."
do you under stand
do you understand?
no.i can't keep doing this
i can't keep doing this I screamed
"did we help jimbis.I sure hope we arrived in time"she smiled .
scratching my face at the same time undoing one of my arms from the restraints,
Nurse,nurse,she screams,help help
jesus did this woman remind me of my mother
good boy good boy good boy
mix it up.and go on and on.into loony and moreso.
i cant win.
but i cant keep this up
either way i lose
a certian art,a certain way of seeing.and also hated a certain way of writing.
everything*)))but the kitchen sinkYo Yo YO Yo
Yo Yo
Yoooooo WHooooo
Oh Yooooooo WHOOOOO
6 ways to sunday
7 steps to heaven
it doesnt have to make sense kid
just type for that type
(so we can keep that type OUT)
by that type i assumed "my type"
(no jimbis we rather like you,you're an asshole,we like that)
whatever that meant.
and i can assure you that now
asshole or not
i am seen only as that type
for on occasion after occasion I have inevitably failed
my readings
if it you read poorly it meant you werent trying.
and if you read badly it meant that you could give a rat's ass that you were sharing your ENROTS all over the ENWAY
.
dactology had far reach.
and presumed that it would only be a matter of time
before they got one of theirs
IN THERE
could be 10 years could be 20
they wanted to be ready for it
they were grooming Adam Parker to pitch his hat
unlike say the mormons who only made lists and lineage of memeber Dactiles wanted names and numbers and history's of virtually everyone
specifically a TYPE they were not only against them but a TYPE that seemed to cause
Brackolian ENROToutput
destroying the ENWAY
the ENWAY was the group think the Gary Rainy saw in Dreams and Visions
and now thanks to Proxy
and the PROCESS
the time was now
but not for everyone
the wrong READ
often meant that not only was the Testee not suited for Interneural Interface
but furthermore was "not right enough " to particpate in non neural ENWAY
since as Rainy discovered ENROT output needed no technological enhancement to pollute the atmosphere.
"what one does is less important than what one thinks"
gary Rainy said ,"one can do almost anything.but it is one's thinking that cannot be misleading,there is an exact science to this.A read can determine one's true nature much more accurately than what one says or does..Furthermore the thoughts of a person travel much further into the ENWAY than do any one individuals actions,which may or not be "lies" or done "to precipitate a response"
it was Rainy's presumption that one bad man's thoughts was equal to a thousand good man's deeds.
a Bad Man was either overcome by Brackolia or
much worse invited Brackolia in
the PROCESS
and moreso PROXY interneural interface which read one's interior monolog
trained READERS of PROX could determine if the Testee
was SOLVABLE
some rainy has decided can be changed and some cannot be.
the UNSOLVABLE problem was a problem that Gary wanted absolutely transparent.
for he stood determined in his beliefs that an UNSOLVABLE should be a PERISHABLE
and wiped off the cosmic surface.
Later his books were rewritten that even UNSOLVABLES might be treated with enough PROCESS
but many in the group still believe in PERISHABILITY.
but debated whether even wiping a perishable off the face of the earth solved the problem of their ENROT to come backin fact a small group of Dactologists were in the Process of rewriting Arthur Miller's The Crucible...with a Dactologist twist that perhaps the witches ENROT was caused by the so called protagonist
so many movies were now being written
with "hidden" references to the ENWAY UNSOLVABILTY problems but also a good many dealing with the SOLVABLES journy toward QUIET
when that is OUT
when it is all out
what i say what
what will be left
i mean or is this all there is?
fear not when it is OUT and the Quiet is too quiet
we will Put it in
i mean when all this UNSOLVABLE that i was told to write unhithered by grammar or a thought is OUT
will it be worth it?
(an example you say ?an example to other UNSOLVABLES to exit the atmosphere.for one UNSOLVE's Bad thoughts destroy 1000 good men's deeds
self determination
of one's UNSOLVABLENESS can lead to perhaps another try at some other time to return as SOLVABLE
(do it do it,a voice says ,but was it really Proxy.or was this UNSOLVABLE self drawn to this project perhaps by design)
neither a care or nor whisp of concern for others.and furthermore thru Prox comes word,"it doesnt matter that you know,it matters that you stop spreading your enrot into the atmosphere,
i am in a cloud of it.
"today jimbis will not want to get up.he will smoke 45 cigareets.he will idle away the day in fear and spreading his ENROT into the ENWAY
can i be helped ,please help.i cannot help it i cannot help it
(another life perhaps,but please please clear the ENWAY!)
(oh and you think i can type well enuf to bring in the type?)
forget about about grammar
here are some notebooks to get you started
scapegoat scapeguiest scapegoon scapescum
for what for what for what for what
(for what do you think.for lists jimbis it aint no big thing...)
but now it is
but now it is
but now it is.
"oh please evan says.you practically signed up for this.dont even think of thinking you have a conscious about THE TYPE.and we aint talkin about sendin you back to no pinecone land tex.
you stop or you change the format
and you going
DOWN
you sure i say this is proxy and not..?
tis what it is jellybean
we'll pay you more ..
they assumed i couldnt quite TYPE for the TYPE without the proper milieu you see(povertyin B minor),and god forbid spell check
than it was get high to write it.than dont get high at all ,than it was cool it with the porn
(but i thought the TYPE likes porn...?)
i get scared to write this.
i get scared if i dont
i am fucked as fucked can be these days
my days are in fact numbered...it is rather too late to have a change of heart.
they knew i was a desperate man
they had me pegged as some" all about eve "type...come back to LA to grab a piece of the pie.
the sliver
they pulled away in 94"
Linda N,Evan,"all my friends,all my friends" the key players but this time with much grander plans than testing the equipment.
this time they wanted to test
"the waters"
no bizness like showbizness
they needed an outside man to be inside
to make sure the outside type
got no access
inside
or something like that
I was everything they despised.
I had become by than everything i despised
mainly poor and shifty and drifty and iffy as any loser becomes in ones 40's
who lives on nothing
and has achieved nothing
the only thing i had was "mental"
it was my staple
in fact it was my bread and butter
it was as real or studied or practiced as
hmmmm
wouldnt i like to know.one gets lost ....oh so lost in the part.............
besides it goes with a bad haircut loony does.
and whether my bad haircut was costume for NCIA or not I plead the Riff
mumble jumble is my specialty
i learned it
for da' cause
(would you like to see my portfoli Mr Dakis?us TYPES can do such MUmBerOus things with a cwayon)
(.you see i had been set up early on to be the KEY CREEP in the story a modern representation of everything that that Proxy wanted to get rid of.it was why i had gotten these notebooks to type up and puruse to find a consistant tone,why I was brought to LA,why my art was being shown..oh did it get lost .in this multitude of furnished pseudo madness.that every word contained in this blog and small life video and wallhangings as well as my previous facilitated outings running amuck in LA and previously philadelphia,key west and Miami were to create a biography of such degeneracy...an example ..)
(the point that i was dragging poor kim into the story again..that was all..it was discussed at intial meeting at the housecleaning division of proxy corp how i would somehow weave my family into what was to become a jumble of schizophrenic,antisocial conspiract theory horseshit,I was paid 17 dollars an hour to participate in this nonsense,a hefty sum,but the thought of going on now that I saw justy how far they wanted me to take the tumble was going,not to mention the ramifications of those who followed the blog being recorded as..perishables..there was a side story ,where I began writing Liam as not only the good guy but in a heroic mode that practically shut the system,their system down..never mind when i began writing truly realistically of my family unit..but I must continue on,for if it not me as example as Degenrate Sicko of the raving kind to be a beacon to the troubled Minds in real time,than it will be another sucker who needs some cash for a project they didnt understand the implications of,..but I preceed ,although not quite with a gun pointed to my head ,don't kid yourself..)
(is it presumed that i enjoy writing this horseshit ,this idiotic hobbled babble in predetermined bad grammar,runon sentences,and endless CAPS?as it is presumed that when A Pre Designed Incident occurs (in which I am of course the "criminal".)I will take it Like a "Perishable....a perishable who knows he deserves what he gets.?.there was a scenario early on wherein a well recognized actor pummels me i shit thee not,but I had a difficult time keeping the bizarre key points quite serious enough especially last summer ..the drugs i was given to induce such meanderings somehow faulty.and my heart wasnt in it.but 17 dollars and hour is 17 dollars an hour and i had made a commitment)
yooooooo whoooo
and for **** it was
a calling card.
cuz ya see
uh
hmmmm
well (astrik astrik astrik.knew bout astrik astrik proxy whatever astrik 's uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...oh shucks
either way i was draggin on the story
and either way
mr jimbis .
is screwed.
cuz who knows what astrik is what
theres no good guys
me included
but the problem is I want to be good and dont know how.
i mean is it good to write this
am i betraying something GRAND
or something awful?
(.you see i had been set up early on to be the KEY CREEP in the story a modern representation of everything that that Proxy wanted to get rid of.it was why i had gotten these notebooks to type up and puruse to find a consistant tone,why I was brought to LA,why my art was being shown..oh did it get lost .in this multitude of furnished pseudo madness.that every word contained in this blog and small life video and wallhangings as well as my previous facilitated outings running amuck in LA and previously philadelphia,key west and Miami were to create a biography of such degeneracy...an example ..)
(the point that i was dragging poor kim into the story again..that was all..it was discussed at intial meeting at the housecleaning division of proxy corp how i would somehow weave my family into what was to become a jumble of schizophrenic,antisocial conspiract theory horseshit,I was paid 17 dollars an hour to participate in this nonsense,a hefty sum,but the thought of going on now that I saw justy how far they wanted me to take the tumble was going,not to mention the ramifications of those who followed the blog being recorded as..perishables..there was a side story ,where I began writing Liam as not only the good guy but in a heroic mode that practically shut the system,their system down..never mind when i began writing truly realistically of my family unit..but I must continue on,for if it not me as example as Degenrate Sicko of the raving kind to be a beacon to the troubled Minds in real time,than it will be another sucker who needs some cash for a project they didnt understand the implications of,I fought tooth and nail to at least lift the mirrors off the baby cribs..but I preceed ,although not quite with a gun pointed to my head ,don't kid yourself..)
i didnt kid myself that i could quickly post this..digression,the only fact that is true in over 2000 postings..but it is important than any reader ,know at least one WHY.this is being written as it is.
(is it presumed that i enjoy writing this horseshit ,this idiotic hobbled babble in predetermined bad grammar,runon sentences,and endless CAPS?as it is presumed that when A Pre Designed Incident occurs (in which I am of course the "criminal"..there was a scenario early on wherein a well recognized actor pummels me i shit thee not,but I had a difficult time keeping the bizarre key points quite serious enough especially last summer ..the drugs i was given to induce such meanderings somehow faulty.and my heart wasnt in it.but 17 dollars and hour is 17 dollars an hour and i had made a commitment)
perhaps this is to lure the type inside you
OUT
when that is OUT
when it is all out
what i say what
what will be left
i mean or is this all there is?
i mean when all this dreg that i was told to write unhithered by grammar or a thought to anyone else..
besides my infinite BADNESS
thats what us TYPES do is it not.
neither a care or nor whisp of concern for others..
i am in a cloud of it.
every second goes ping pong to this and that.a life of it begins.
a new feature never rolls.
it's the same movie shown again and again
today jimbis will not want to get up.he will smoke 45 cigareets.he will idle away the day in fear and..
what song is it today
there is no variation
this simulated "meeting" with so called Agents also happens weekly as i type this dreck.My directives.who give me hints of which personality disorder i should rake up next ..
could we make kim like the good guy?who raises this jimbis character to be I dont know honey..a good guy?like she raises this kid to be like some skywalker type.
or could this jimbis just break the mirror in that supposed dream (you know how crazy people like me dream ...dontcha hon?)like tommy walker and go roll in some pork and beans for a while?
this lab coat chick seems stuck ,as if in some loop.she knows i will write of her.she knows it's MY THANG
I reconized the theme of this week's encounter was ..what self reflection,narsisism?god forbid this character have an epiphany.or snap out of it...there had to be something.and being a representation of the 40ish loon element in 2012 trust me it couldnt be all that functional or GOOD for that matter.i had become an expert at weaving out all GOOD from my inner workings and outter postings.this was after being reduced to 12 bucks an hour when the previous blog lingered 4 days on my caring for a wounded houseplant.
seemingly out of "the loop" crime lab gal switched wigs ,accents and top coat all at the same time"reflection,is the style of the times.and we must change it>there is a much bigger picture here.think of the little baby in that crib.of course all children werent raised that way but rainy had seen to itthat even children touched and loved and held would be more responsive to an image and sound than ..."
by a child's 13th birthday no mother .no father can be more powerful than 150 beaTS per minute.or 16,ooo images in a retina every 2 days.the grand reflector himself says so"
she says
"you mean,"I said ,covering my mouth for effect,"god himself is angry!"
boy they were going fast,from anti technological ravings to the very heavens .
"you don't seem well jimbis
"ahhh just a side effect of the st elsewhere" I had to keep character.i even made direct eye contact
"over come with the beats ,the blips,the lights,the bytes.he has seen fit to destroy all of it"
"wouldnt this have played better if I was under,if i was st else where? if a prophet came to me or perhaps someone in a more fitting costume?"
I cared little if she thought i was sexist or worse putting down her acting chops,
"youre fucking this whole thing up."
Good"
"you dont know what you're doing"
(she meant i suppose ..mentioning the true intent of my postings online,that they would one day add up to a truely disturbing portrait of a..)
(but they also know I go whole hog into a story ,and that in some twisted way i was loyal to this cause or in my case deliberate anti clause,,that i would keep posting ..)
"you want a prophet jim,I can prophacize this ..you go mentioning this Crazy man stuff is a front i Prophacize you six feet under."
"Yeah sweet heart so much was invested in it.I thought i was gonna be beaten up by damien lewis .that coulda at least have been fun."
"youre insane if you think you'll get away with this.you're a pussy.and a traitor."
"and you miss are an awful actress..."
She grabbed my arm.,"i dont like you.nobody in this organization does,"
"which organization ?the fake ones i make up or the real one that pays me to..and trust me after that van nuys shit I dont think thered be much a contest on which agent or agency hates who more.trust me."
"you should consider yourself a patriot"
I'm a scapegoat you fucking bitch"
"but you were doing it so well"
i was made for it,youve been st elsewhereing me since 1988
'write it as ...you know how."
"hmmmm:".i said pacing back and forth.."where are we now ...a prophet.I am being spoken to by god himself...this shit is a mess.it is MY integrity as a scapegoat to at least have a good story line.
"trust me the story line will get a hell of alot better if you dont watch
". Brad says I shouldnt talk about it but he talks of nothing else,I swear he keeps a monitor near our bed,he tracks this guy's every moveHe doesnt call him by name just Demon,"Mega says eating pieces of a fruitrollup Ash left near the sink,. ".I try to read it but you have to use a special headset and you have to be able to decipher things,and Brad said it could be dangerous getting into a mind like that,supposedly he has inroads or something with ..I don't know..forces or something? after all He is called Demon ,.sick sick sick and we're not talkin s-i-c- we're talking s-i-c-K with a big K...from what i hear."
" They assumed demon was dead,everyone was so damned paranoid back than remember how everyone acted at Shelly's bat Mitzvah ?1994.June,you remember,it was like a funeral,poor Shelly...Well this guy who they thought I dont know died or something like comes back.to LA' ..they supposedly never tried it again,Megan says reaching into the pantry for another fruit roll up."..horseshit I assume half the actors working today use interneural interface.half of these people can't even read. but this guythis demon, was like a test version and they drove him god damn nuts,he took all this speed and started like seeing shit or something with Parson Nilson of all people at the helm.Parson Nilson "she shouts into the phone hoping brenda can sense her eye roll,"he used to be in herman's hermits or something..anyway they just wanted to cover it up..they picked the wrong guy.who knew he was a speed freak. or a demon or whatever he is.
well demon it seems is writing a screenplay or something.but he doesnt know it was just some..acting device so people wouldnt need scripts or sight lines and he of course he assumes it's like angels and shit..well Harry took a picture of demon, drinking lemonaide at a starbucks.whats he look like not much i can tell you that much i was expecting horns or something the way they talk but lemonaide?at starbucks?..."
she puts the first page of notes for the treatment down
"Is that a better way to write it?notice no dactology no "otherment" affairs no nothing .Just Hollywood.and we both know there is no sinister side to hollywood"I smile,but the smile is tight tardive dyskinesia,from the drugs,I was in four point restraint.another opening another show.
this was the 3rd hospital i've been in since my return to LA,"you know Macy,it's dem voices,dem voices just won't leave me alone"
whomever is pulling the strings around here sure as shit has alot more money power and everything than i do
was this some morality test.?
where the hell was i supposed to pull this morality out of.?huh
if god came to me,the real thing not this shit he'd be like.well.he'd listen for one
i mean he might not comiserate.
but i dont think he'd keep twisting me around
he'd be like dude you really cant think str8 it might take me like 15 years to see where this bullshit came from and how to undo it
.he wouldnt go all horror show etc..i mean think of it when like adam first heard god booming he must have been like oh no oh no oh no
than if god was like reading his mind which i presume he could.what would adam do
what if his thoughts were adhd or unpleasant etc.
was he supposed to be like ok god.(stop) I will mend my ways (stop)or would his mind be like fuck fuck fuck i'm freezing and this eve needs food ..or oh fuck evee im not even into her ,than god might be real pissed and he'd be like sorry sorry sorry.but imagine if he wasnt sorry and god knew it than hed have to spend like all this energy somehow running away from his true thought and still be hungry and still have to interneural with god who he knew could like turn him into dust
"thats quite a pitch" Macy Enty says.hitting me with the entire volume of small life video and wallhangings
"do you think it rings true.or could with further rewrites?"I asked sarcastically,I wanted to ask the nurse to untie at least one of my limbs.But she tells the nurse to leave.Please
"the dramatic structure needs work,it is all over the place."
so was proxy these days,it seems a few other fanchises .both big and Heavy were wanted a share.and since so many other Proxees had ..uh sorta fallen off roof tops or falled in front of automobiles ..or fallen on loaded guns and such I was the only prox still proxiable.
" this "schizophrenia" has it's drawbacks i'm afraid .
i have a bit of a jump cut mind these days as you well know"
,i had sent several copies of Small life Video and wallhangings to Fox,Paramount and New line studios,all to get to Macy Enty,"Queen of the Wild Frontier"
"i had an aunt who was schizophrenic,she talked and talked about all sorts of things.we had to put her away...I imagine if there was an internet she would have typed and typed her crazy all over the place.and i suppose than she still would have been put away"
"ya think Macy?" ya really think they could put a loon away for typing cw-cwa-cwazy shit online?"
"yes jimbis I think they could?"
"oh dear Macy.such scary times.I'm so glad that i only write fiction,did you like the treatment?
"there's a plot in there somewhere," I say,"you just have to look for it"
"i posted it online thinking i might get some help ,perhaps an "in the loop" type to fill in the blanks"
'sometimes blanks are good.blanks are better than bullets,don't you think?"she said,"posting online a treatment,arent you afraid someone will steal your ideas?"
"oh didnt you hear Macy everybody knows."
"knows what?you dont believe any of this is true do?or is that your ..twist"
"yeah it's my twist,it's why I'm laying here tied to a bed "
"you should go back east,maybe try to fill in the blanks for yourself jimbis.Mind reading,interneural interface my aunt mary used to talk of such things..."
besides being a producer macy was also a public spokesman and statesmen for dactology.
what she said about my writing online confused me,didnt she know?
'small life video and wallhangings LET ME TELL YOU JUST HOW SMALL THAT LIFE OF YOURS CAN GET"
"oh it is quite small enough thank you,"
"you just can't stop can you."
"me?"
"we're concerned is all,there is something in you that isnt quite right.and Adam knows things"
"he's a fucking actor .what does he know"
"he knows what he knows.look at you.,running crazy in the streets of OUR town,serves you right"
"and just why dear was i running crazy in the streets"
"proxy is a tool.those that fear the tool.."
"have you ever been proxed."has adam?"
"it's lucky that you have jimbis,it's lucky that we know what we have here.."
"it's my mind I can think whatever i god damn want to."
"you really think this is about just Your Thinking?you selfish fucking idiot?it's about a new world,a new way of interacting,it 's political"
"it's a horror show is what it is"
"it's a tool,you are using it wrong,you fear the tool and don't hear the instructions"
"oh sister i hear the instructions all right"
"did the instructions tell you to write about it all over the internet "
"i had an aunt who was schizophrenic,she talked and talked about all sorts of things.we had to put her away...I imagine if there was an internet she would have typed and typed her crazy all over the placeTyping ,talking .same thing really i suppose than she still would have been put away"
"ya think Macy?" ya really think they could put a loon away for typing cw-cwa-cwazy shit online?"
"yes jimbis I think they could?"
she touched my face softly at the same time undoing of my arms from the restraints,kissing my forehead gently
Jesus did this woman remind me of my mother
she opened a bottle of st elsewhere.(and whispered in my ear)
"but this is how you will write of me,this is how you will think of me.."
do you under stand
do you understand?
no.i can't keep doing this
i can't keep doing this I screamed
"did we help jimbis.I sure hope we arrived in time"she smiled .
scratching my face at the same time undoing one of my arms from the restraints,
Nurse,nurse,she screams,help help
jesus did this woman remind me of my mother
good boy good boy good boy
mix it up.and go on and on.into loony and moreso.
i cant win.
but i cant keep this up
either way i lose
a certian art,a certain way of seeing.and also hated a certain way of writing.
everything*)))but the kitchen sinkYo Yo YO Yo
Yo Yo
Yoooooo WHooooo
Oh Yooooooo WHOOOOO
6 ways to sunday
7 steps to heaven
it doesnt have to make sense kid
just type for that type
(so we can keep that type OUT)
by that type i assumed "my type"
(no jimbis we rather like you,you're an asshole,we like that)
whatever that meant.
and i can assure you that now
asshole or not
i am seen only as that type
for on occasion after occasion I have inevitably failed
my readings
if it you read poorly it meant you werent trying.
and if you read badly it meant that you could give a rat's ass that you were sharing your ENROTS all over the ENWAY
.
dactology had far reach.
and presumed that it would only be a matter of time
before they got one of theirs
IN THERE
could be 10 years could be 20
they wanted to be ready for it
they were grooming Adam Parker to pitch his hat
unlike say the mormons who only made lists and lineage of memeber Dactiles wanted names and numbers and history's of virtually everyone
specifically a TYPE they were not only against them but a TYPE that seemed to cause
Brackolian ENROToutput
destroying the ENWAY
the ENWAY was the group think the Gary Rainy saw in Dreams and Visions
and now thanks to Proxy
and the PROCESS
the time was now
but not for everyone
the wrong READ
often meant that not only was the Testee not suited for Interneural Interface
but furthermore was "not right enough " to particpate in non neural ENWAY
since as Rainy discovered ENROT output needed no technological enhancement to pollute the atmosphere.
"what one does is less important than what one thinks"
gary Rainy said ,"one can do almost anything.but it is one's thinking that cannot be misleading,there is an exact science to this.A read can determine one's true nature much more accurately than what one says or does..Furthermore the thoughts of a person travel much further into the ENWAY than do any one individuals actions,which may or not be "lies" or done "to precipitate a response"
it was Rainy's presumption that one bad man's thoughts was equal to a thousand good man's deeds.
a Bad Man was either overcome by Brackolia or
much worse invited Brackolia in
the PROCESS
and moreso PROXY interneural interface which read one's interior monolog
trained READERS of PROX could determine if the Testee
was SOLVABLE
some rainy has decided can be changed and some cannot be.
the UNSOLVABLE problem was a problem that Gary wanted absolutely transparent.
for he stood determined in his beliefs that an UNSOLVABLE should be a PERISHABLE
and wiped off the cosmic surface.
Later his books were rewritten that even UNSOLVABLES might be treated with enough PROCESS
but many in the group still believe in PERISHABILITY.
but debated whether even wiping a perishable off the face of the earth solved the problem of their ENROT to come backin fact a small group of Dactologists were in the Process of rewriting Arthur Miller's The Crucible...with a Dactologist twist that perhaps the witches ENROT was caused by the so called protagonist
so many movies were now being written
with "hidden" references to the ENWAY UNSOLVABILTY problems but also a good many dealing with the SOLVABLES journy toward QUIET
when that is OUT
when it is all out
what i say what
what will be left
i mean or is this all there is?
fear not when it is OUT and the Quiet is too quiet
we will Put it in
i mean when all this UNSOLVABLE that i was told to write unhithered by grammar or a thought is OUT
will it be worth it?
(an example you say ?an example to other UNSOLVABLES to exit the atmosphere.for one UNSOLVE's Bad thoughts destroy 1000 good men's deeds
self determination
of one's UNSOLVABLENESS can lead to perhaps another try at some other time to return as SOLVABLE
(do it do it,a voice says ,but was it really Proxy.or was this UNSOLVABLE self drawn to this project perhaps by design)
neither a care or nor whisp of concern for others.and furthermore thru Prox comes word,"it doesnt matter that you know,it matters that you stop spreading your enrot into the atmosphere,
i am in a cloud of it.
"today jimbis will not want to get up.he will smoke 45 cigareets.he will idle away the day in fear and spreading his ENROT into the ENWAY
can i be helped ,please help.i cannot help it i cannot help it
(another life perhaps,but please please clear the ENWAY!)
(oh and you think i can type well enuf to bring in the type?)
forget about about grammar
here are some notebooks to get you started
scapegoat scapeguiest scapegoon scapescum
for what for what for what for what
(for what do you think.for lists jimbis it aint no big thing...)
but now it is
but now it is
but now it is.
"oh please evan says.you practically signed up for this.dont even think of thinking you have a conscious about THE TYPE.and we aint talkin about sendin you back to no pinecone land tex.
you stop or you change the format
and you going
DOWN
you sure i say this is proxy and not..?
tis what it is jellybean
we'll pay you more ..
they assumed i couldnt quite TYPE for the TYPE without the proper milieu you see(povertyin B minor),and god forbid spell check
than it was get high to write it.than dont get high at all ,than it was cool it with the porn
(but i thought the TYPE likes porn...?)
i get scared to write this.
i get scared if i dont
i am fucked as fucked can be these days
my days are in fact numbered...it is rather too late to have a change of heart.
they knew i was a desperate man
they had me pegged as some" all about eve "type...come back to LA to grab a piece of the pie.
the sliver
they pulled away in 94"
Linda N,Evan,"all my friends,all my friends" the key players but this time with much grander plans than testing the equipment.
this time they wanted to test
"the waters"
no bizness like showbizness
they needed an outside man to be inside
to make sure the outside type
got no access
inside
or something like that
I was everything they despised.
I had become by than everything i despised
mainly poor and shifty and drifty and iffy as any loser becomes in ones 40's
who lives on nothing
and has achieved nothing
the only thing i had was "mental"
it was my staple
in fact it was my bread and butter
it was as real or studied or practiced as
hmmmm
wouldnt i like to know.one gets lost ....oh so lost in the part.............
besides it goes with a bad haircut loony does.
and whether my bad haircut was costume for NCIA or not I plead the Riff
mumble jumble is my specialty
i learned it
for da' cause
(would you like to see my portfoli Mr Dakis?us TYPES can do such MUmBerOus things with a cwayon)
(.you see i had been set up early on to be the KEY CREEP in the story a modern representation of everything that that Proxy wanted to get rid of.it was why i had gotten these notebooks to type up and puruse to find a consistant tone,why I was brought to LA,why my art was being shown..oh did it get lost .in this multitude of furnished pseudo madness.that every word contained in this blog and small life video and wallhangings as well as my previous facilitated outings running amuck in LA and previously philadelphia,key west and Miami were to create a biography of such degeneracy...an example ..)
(the point that i was dragging poor kim into the story again..that was all..it was discussed at intial meeting at the housecleaning division of proxy corp how i would somehow weave my family into what was to become a jumble of schizophrenic,antisocial conspiract theory horseshit,I was paid 17 dollars an hour to participate in this nonsense,a hefty sum,but the thought of going on now that I saw justy how far they wanted me to take the tumble was going,not to mention the ramifications of those who followed the blog being recorded as..perishables..there was a side story ,where I began writing Liam as not only the good guy but in a heroic mode that practically shut the system,their system down..never mind when i began writing truly realistically of my family unit..but I must continue on,for if it not me as example as Degenrate Sicko of the raving kind to be a beacon to the troubled Minds in real time,than it will be another sucker who needs some cash for a project they didnt understand the implications of,..but I preceed ,although not quite with a gun pointed to my head ,don't kid yourself..)
(is it presumed that i enjoy writing this horseshit ,this idiotic hobbled babble in predetermined bad grammar,runon sentences,and endless CAPS?as it is presumed that when A Pre Designed Incident occurs (in which I am of course the "criminal".)I will take it Like a "Perishable....a perishable who knows he deserves what he gets.?.there was a scenario early on wherein a well recognized actor pummels me i shit thee not,but I had a difficult time keeping the bizarre key points quite serious enough especially last summer ..the drugs i was given to induce such meanderings somehow faulty.and my heart wasnt in it.but 17 dollars and hour is 17 dollars an hour and i had made a commitment)
yooooooo whoooo
and for **** it was
a calling card.
cuz ya see
uh
hmmmm
well (astrik astrik astrik.knew bout astrik astrik proxy whatever astrik 's uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...oh shucks
either way i was draggin on the story
and either way
mr jimbis .
is screwed.
cuz who knows what astrik is what
theres no good guys
me included
but the problem is I want to be good and dont know how.
i mean is it good to write this
am i betraying something GRAND
or something awful?
(.you see i had been set up early on to be the KEY CREEP in the story a modern representation of everything that that Proxy wanted to get rid of.it was why i had gotten these notebooks to type up and puruse to find a consistant tone,why I was brought to LA,why my art was being shown..oh did it get lost .in this multitude of furnished pseudo madness.that every word contained in this blog and small life video and wallhangings as well as my previous facilitated outings running amuck in LA and previously philadelphia,key west and Miami were to create a biography of such degeneracy...an example ..)
(the point that i was dragging poor kim into the story again..that was all..it was discussed at intial meeting at the housecleaning division of proxy corp how i would somehow weave my family into what was to become a jumble of schizophrenic,antisocial conspiract theory horseshit,I was paid 17 dollars an hour to participate in this nonsense,a hefty sum,but the thought of going on now that I saw justy how far they wanted me to take the tumble was going,not to mention the ramifications of those who followed the blog being recorded as..perishables..there was a side story ,where I began writing Liam as not only the good guy but in a heroic mode that practically shut the system,their system down..never mind when i began writing truly realistically of my family unit..but I must continue on,for if it not me as example as Degenrate Sicko of the raving kind to be a beacon to the troubled Minds in real time,than it will be another sucker who needs some cash for a project they didnt understand the implications of,I fought tooth and nail to at least lift the mirrors off the baby cribs..but I preceed ,although not quite with a gun pointed to my head ,don't kid yourself..)
i didnt kid myself that i could quickly post this..digression,the only fact that is true in over 2000 postings..but it is important than any reader ,know at least one WHY.this is being written as it is.
(is it presumed that i enjoy writing this horseshit ,this idiotic hobbled babble in predetermined bad grammar,runon sentences,and endless CAPS?as it is presumed that when A Pre Designed Incident occurs (in which I am of course the "criminal"..there was a scenario early on wherein a well recognized actor pummels me i shit thee not,but I had a difficult time keeping the bizarre key points quite serious enough especially last summer ..the drugs i was given to induce such meanderings somehow faulty.and my heart wasnt in it.but 17 dollars and hour is 17 dollars an hour and i had made a commitment)
perhaps this is to lure the type inside you
OUT
when that is OUT
when it is all out
what i say what
what will be left
i mean or is this all there is?
i mean when all this dreg that i was told to write unhithered by grammar or a thought to anyone else..
besides my infinite BADNESS
thats what us TYPES do is it not.
neither a care or nor whisp of concern for others..
i am in a cloud of it.
every second goes ping pong to this and that.a life of it begins.
a new feature never rolls.
it's the same movie shown again and again
today jimbis will not want to get up.he will smoke 45 cigareets.he will idle away the day in fear and..
what song is it today
there is no variation
this simulated "meeting" with so called Agents also happens weekly as i type this dreck.My directives.who give me hints of which personality disorder i should rake up next ..
could we make kim like the good guy?who raises this jimbis character to be I dont know honey..a good guy?like she raises this kid to be like some skywalker type.
or could this jimbis just break the mirror in that supposed dream (you know how crazy people like me dream ...dontcha hon?)like tommy walker and go roll in some pork and beans for a while?
this lab coat chick seems stuck ,as if in some loop.she knows i will write of her.she knows it's MY THANG
I reconized the theme of this week's encounter was ..what self reflection,narsisism?god forbid this character have an epiphany.or snap out of it...there had to be something.and being a representation of the 40ish loon element in 2012 trust me it couldnt be all that functional or GOOD for that matter.i had become an expert at weaving out all GOOD from my inner workings and outter postings.this was after being reduced to 12 bucks an hour when the previous blog lingered 4 days on my caring for a wounded houseplant.
seemingly out of "the loop" crime lab gal switched wigs ,accents and top coat all at the same time"reflection,is the style of the times.and we must change it>there is a much bigger picture here.think of the little baby in that crib.of course all children werent raised that way but rainy had seen to itthat even children touched and loved and held would be more responsive to an image and sound than ..."
by a child's 13th birthday no mother .no father can be more powerful than 150 beaTS per minute.or 16,ooo images in a retina every 2 days.the grand reflector himself says so"
she says
"you mean,"I said ,covering my mouth for effect,"god himself is angry!"
boy they were going fast,from anti technological ravings to the very heavens .
"you don't seem well jimbis
"ahhh just a side effect of the st elsewhere" I had to keep character.i even made direct eye contact
"over come with the beats ,the blips,the lights,the bytes.he has seen fit to destroy all of it"
"wouldnt this have played better if I was under,if i was st else where? if a prophet came to me or perhaps someone in a more fitting costume?"
I cared little if she thought i was sexist or worse putting down her acting chops,
"youre fucking this whole thing up."
Good"
"you dont know what you're doing"
(she meant i suppose ..mentioning the true intent of my postings online,that they would one day add up to a truely disturbing portrait of a..)
(but they also know I go whole hog into a story ,and that in some twisted way i was loyal to this cause or in my case deliberate anti clause,,that i would keep posting ..)
"you want a prophet jim,I can prophacize this ..you go mentioning this Crazy man stuff is a front i Prophacize you six feet under."
"Yeah sweet heart so much was invested in it.I thought i was gonna be beaten up by damien lewis .that coulda at least have been fun."
"youre insane if you think you'll get away with this.you're a pussy.and a traitor."
"and you miss are an awful actress..."
She grabbed my arm.,"i dont like you.nobody in this organization does,"
"which organization ?the fake ones i make up or the real one that pays me to..and trust me after that van nuys shit I dont think thered be much a contest on which agent or agency hates who more.trust me."
"you should consider yourself a patriot"
I'm a scapegoat you fucking bitch"
"but you were doing it so well"
i was made for it,youve been st elsewhereing me since 1988
'write it as ...you know how."
"hmmmm:".i said pacing back and forth.."where are we now ...a prophet.I am being spoken to by god himself...this shit is a mess.it is MY integrity as a scapegoat to at least have a good story line.
"trust me the story line will get a hell of alot better if you dont watch
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