Friday, January 11, 2013

"the secret sharer"

....they "found"me on the street.
they still think of me as some druggie prostitute scumbag they "reuptaked" at the Gilbert Hotel
never mind that in the intervening years I somehow sorta got it together to stop doing half the stuff I did and manage to teach myself to draw at least well enough i didn't have to suck off old men for combo meal..Supposedly one of the reasons I was "invited" back to LA in 2011 was because THEY felt the art was a little to "brutal" and or "sick"(with a K)to in any way be (in the future)associated with "The Process"in fact I was asked in no in certain terms face to face to "PG-13 it up" a bit...
This Is What Matters To THEM
not my finances
not my circumstances
including the fact  that i fucked up my back and nervous sytem (dystonia,a movement disorder)in a car crash in terms of any kind of ..I don't know mercy or something in this quagmire of will that has become my experience with Intraneural "mentoring.
especially since HE took over 8 months ago
in Palm Springs
when one night
as in 1994
all shit hit the fan when I partaked
in a certain drug that another agency decided to slip into my "partake"
everybody (in California)whose anyone in ""the biz"of the next big App knows who is who in this sorta secret undertaking
that everybody pretends NOT to know is probably the most illegal thing one can do to another person
you see they convince the Proxy (the proxeteers,or "urban astronauts')through both threats and this pandering bullshit of how proud we should be to "be part of this"
of course they next day one sees  hears how a jacket."sort of like the one yer wearing now jim"was found in the desert outside of Banning  with some sneakers"sort of like the one's yer wearing ,,jim"
the various drugs they give you ..i mean that they swivel into your usual brew
are without description
as there is a Jacob's Ladder type sideline to this Proxyshit that one participates in about every 3 years..
I might not be the urbane urban astronaut in these proceedings but i do have a sense that The New way isn't the only agency,or group involved in these "missions to madness"
nor am I quite bitter enough or shortsighted enough to believe that although "the boat ,the car ,the proxeteer"is sinking  that This was supposed to be some kind of Game of Will
i cannot really overstate just how personal mind to mind communication can get
nor how dangerous.
There is no Time to Change
either one's mind
or
state of affairs.
nor one's memeories either of the past or one's past conflict and unresolved feuds with HIM especially
HIM
who claims
HE is the only Handler/Steerer amongst them who can in any way DEAL with me.
come out come out whereever you are bossman
let this trial end
and the
other begin?
did someone say restitution Bossman?

cuz if someone ain't sayin it now
someone 's gonna be saying it sometime

whether
I am here or not

and I haven't even begun
to tell the real story

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