Project "Laura"

"remember "i tell Liam who is watching tv as i draw little people walking around street corners"remember those people in the saline solution /pool thing in that tom cruise movie.those people who lay around in the little pool and know the future and those little wooden balls come out of some machine?"
sure.liam says.he has muted the tv.i am in perpetual breach since returning to philly.I can't help it .liam has muted the tv giving yours loony here all the time he needs to prattle on.I reckon he feels it's theraputic.but perhaps there is more to liam than meets the eye.I shall try to sum up a conversation we had yesterday night.
"well.in a nutshell these are the people i am talking about .These saline solution ,mind reading types are the other people in the group.they will become very important quite soon .these types.although they are considered trash now."
"so "Liam says"I suppose you are like them..Is that what you're saying?"
I quickly consider if he has picked up on the "trash" part or the wooden ball projectile type.but i go on.There is a commercial and he seems interested,if only because now I also seem grandiose.He likes to put me in my place.know what i mean

"i couldnt keep it up.i am filled with rage and fear>Iam still too concerned with wanting,consuming and being vaguely acceptable.I also didnt know how not to get arrested or hospitalized.."The commercial is ending I speak faster"I flew off into sheer rage fighting the intrusion of "the forces"
   Suprisingly Liam turns away from the television"So....Now they're forces?I thought it was interneural interface."
Oh what a dick Liam can be at times.with his" got you" shit.Older gay men are so confrontational .Man I shoulda stayed in LA.I start to get heated and fuck up my drawing of the pedestrians.But I calm down.I can't really take deep breaths cuz of smoking but I try.I have his undivided attention.I even slow my speech,careful to not say words that trigger him badly like"duh" or "listen asshole".I forgive his confrontational airs and measure my words"Perhaps Interneural interface was presented to me as an option.Something easier to understand or deal with than some "alien direct interface."besides this group as you know believes and communicates with such forces.."


"I prefered when you spoke about Project "Laura""

what a pig.i think .the only thing fuckin Liam understands is sex.besides Project ""Laura" has alot more to do with Proxy than The Group.and has very little to do with sex.just manipulation.My" Laura" was of couse Damien Lewis.
"who would my Laura be ,"he asks himself,Though believe me I don't want to know .Nor do i like him cheapening Project Laura to some sexual fantasy."My Project Laura would be....."he says
I close my ears literally .I put my hands up.on my ears Like a child .I become a child here.No sense talking about top secret shit to Liam is there..My god the risks I have taken to be understood both with him and in this blog.Still.I am curious .But when he repeats his ideal "entity" it is some forein actor type.whose name even sounds pretentious.If he only knew how this so called fantasy flips and changes into..a...well.a weapon.
.Ha I think if he only knew how these "stars" are used.Ha .I think kinda wishing he got a bit of Project Laura than he wouldnt be so flippant.would he Damien?"


i can't write about Project laura.or project harvey.supposedly it  is part of proxy's Motherment of the ignited states shit as evan calls it.they gotta pull in the dough from every nook and crook and rook.supposedly it works better than giant insects on breaking the Perishables.and provides the sadistic types that work in Proxy division Operations DEpt with hours of merriment.I swear when i picture prox ops i picture that chick with a thumb up in abugraib checking eye movements of the UNAWARES.spiking diet pepsi with love potion number9 and rubbing up to the genius types Causations and Aqusitions
"it has to do with eye movement  interpretations(EMI) Dennis told me.the primary reason television remote was created ..why there are no channel changers on the tv .so the /whatever yadda yadda can observe,note and catalog with old fashioned direct observation to gauge each individuals Special Interests(WOOF) oh how Dennis can go on.he is too smart for me.he loves using serious wrods i tell Liam who is equally bored with my sputtering about..Yeah they use these ,,uh..whats it called
corolations and shit to determine "love interests"to manipulate us at some fundamental level.Sick shit Liam.some really sick shit."

"did you say there was diet  pepsi.can you get me one?I thought you drank it all?"
Liam says,clearly not listening to a fucking word.

Liam specifically acts dumb.his job is to give me a safe place to "get it out"...He is my cover.It's complicated.he gives signature responses .
I try again.".yep that EMI shit dennis told me about..you know about EMI don't you Liam.."
"yes Jim I know about EMI..I know about Project Laura  and every other god damn thing you shouldnt be talking about...but I'm watching tv sorry I can't be bowled over every fucking time you lose your shit and have to go to court for losing whatever semblance of personal responsibility you.."

"oh jesus .Heard this shit before.I am so tired of working for these people and being called upon for evry little thing.There's simply no one fun anymore to play with.the fun people seem to disappear.I am more hyper than usual.Once again I must remian sober.for the time being .they are now worried i have a tru drug problem.instead of this phoney shit ..hmmm I say ripping my little drawing into pieces.My cover this art.these fucking nasty paintings."
"Jim..go to the baths or something just I don't know fuck off..go burn things outside.Call your mother and go shoplifting together or something."
            what a card .i throw the pieces of ripped "outsider art" into the air.I don't like his crack about my mom.but they know each other.
One thing i know i cant mention is being raised on symbols,cues and situationals.Nor of the calculated occurances to create "types" such as me.Oh Mom.Doing her "small part" for the situation.
to make children "in this world but not of it"
"boys from Brazil is on Encore"Liam says to get me to stop ripping up the artwork"But it's not in HD"
"the boys frombrazil don't look right in High definition: I say ,Cause i have learned that it is good to sometimes just say things.to respond.to not make another person  uncomfortable,.sometimes it's even fun.like playing ping pong.Talking.Engaging etc.
I continue on,"I wondewr what the boys from brazil turned into,Now thats a book that deserved a sequal"
"A seraquel?"Liam says.Reminding me I must get better at playing consistant crazy.He doesnt like this new talking stuff I try everynow and than.
I continue . ,anything to get a real response from him.he knows there is true magic in mayhem and in the way Children of the Slammed were raised.
"the final conflict is on showtime and"Tommy" is on TCM."
Liam gives me a look.The LOOK.the one that says knock it off.
"Project Blue Beam is in HD isn't it Liam?""
Sometimes he reminds me of the babysitter's boyfriend who fiddled about with me in 1972(and others like me).the babysitter's boyfriend wasn't chosen for his technique.Just his blood line.
I am suddenly depressed.I have no good memories.all of them were site specific.
I start ripping the magazines on the table..
"go break something!"It always calms you down."
It's as if he knows what I was thinking.and that i caN'T AFFORD TO THINK.nOT REALLY .nOT EVER.
I throw a chipped pie plate at the wall and even though it doesnt shatter I immediately calm down.
"night Liam."
I say ,yawning.
and not not in a mean way