nice warnings?
supposed to return to the dr i guess this week..alot of plans were made..to return to LA etc..but now perhaps a short art residency in Montauk or something.my mind isnt there art.i am here it seems to warn people
it Is What It is
the problem was and is I was supposed to be NICER of all things.
yes NICER.is there a faker thing than being nice.?
i can turn nice on when i have to speak to a collection agency or for about 2 minutes at the most when i must pretend i give a damn about some ..small talk..and than THEY hear it slipping my interest my NICEOUSITY running down by the 70 second mark (and truly have no idea how much it took out of me becaus eIT WAS GENUINE,this interest .it is almost EVIL!to fake such interest if it is NOT TRUE you FOOL.so what you might take for unNiceness is only genuine.is only TRUE
.my mind .what is left of it.its still back in CA trying to piece together just what the fuck really went on there.also why bits and bits of my blog have been erased..stuff like that.
i didnt talk about what was going on in CA to anyone.not even to friends on the phone..i tried and tried writing it as fiction.the meercat agency.than proxy etc.now i am back here in philly.at friends who still dont know what to make of me.i have calmed down now almost to a slummy coma.i draw again.i am supposedly alright.i am not
i feel next to nothing.
i want to get high.i want to feel something real.or unreal.i feel like i went thru some kinda basic training for eitherr virtual reality or madness.one in the same.how does it just end.am i too far away from the source.
i dont like the east.it never suited me.i whined about the palm trees providing no shade.the beating sun however i miss.the wide streets.the scrubbed up people.
here it is hip to be or appear unscrubbed or something.the peoples eyes are somehow harder.meaner.less dreamy.meaner.there is no fantasy here only oak trees.people honk their horns more.
i was told by the 3rd or so guy not to write on the compuyter anymore.he took my computer.and yelled breach into a phone when i somehow mentioned somethings i wasnt supposed to.about the future.the future has to do with some kind of "magic"being released in the air.stuff like that .yeah .stuff like that .true magic.although pumped up with lots and lots of technology .
it's also about knowing without speaking.it's about simply knowing.
it's takes alot to get to this knowing though.i used to think it was about some inner peace.or aiming to get rid of intrusive thoughts.
like i think about stuff i wrote early on about my family in the other blog.seemingly not caring one bit of theyu might come across my writings.
i sorta dont think they were ever really my family .
they were never on my side
when i speak to them i am truly speaking to "aliens"foreigners.
in CA people were helping me get rid of the garbage they put into my head.and all the garbage i picked up here in pennsylvania.
but i folded and got confused .and somehow started using hard drugs again .because i thought that was what i was supposed to do.that it was part of "the program"i dont like that "they" give me so much free will.all my free will causes is misunderstandings and time is a wasting,
time is changing and such things they will happen soon.
i wanted to see my mother and friends here and convince them to go west .to riverside county.miles away from los angels but close enuf.
don't ask why,
we are not there.
but i must make money.i was too angry for living on the streets i am not pseudo schizo enuf to be tame and passive on the road.i would yell at the wealthy people
GIVE GIVE.even a dollar.
even a little wrapped cracker in your purse which i know without knowing is there.(why u carrying around those 3 wrapped crackers you cracker.cuz u know a little bit huh.you know a little bit that u might need in cuz the angries like me will be running wild soon when it goes and shows and mows you down.the beam the seam that holds this Palm Springs to gether.
ahhhh keep your god damn cracker miss.
i am here to take note is all .to record your countenance at my visible hunger is all.
duly noted
it Is What It is
the problem was and is I was supposed to be NICER of all things.
yes NICER.is there a faker thing than being nice.?
i can turn nice on when i have to speak to a collection agency or for about 2 minutes at the most when i must pretend i give a damn about some ..small talk..and than THEY hear it slipping my interest my NICEOUSITY running down by the 70 second mark (and truly have no idea how much it took out of me becaus eIT WAS GENUINE,this interest .it is almost EVIL!to fake such interest if it is NOT TRUE you FOOL.so what you might take for unNiceness is only genuine.is only TRUE
i didnt talk about what was going on in CA to anyone.not even to friends on the phone..i tried and tried writing it as fiction.the meercat agency.than proxy etc.now i am back here in philly.at friends who still dont know what to make of me.i have calmed down now almost to a slummy coma.i draw again.i am supposedly alright.i am not
i feel next to nothing.
i want to get high.i want to feel something real.or unreal.i feel like i went thru some kinda basic training for eitherr virtual reality or madness.one in the same.how does it just end.am i too far away from the source.
i dont like the east.it never suited me.i whined about the palm trees providing no shade.the beating sun however i miss.the wide streets.the scrubbed up people.
here it is hip to be or appear unscrubbed or something.the peoples eyes are somehow harder.meaner.less dreamy.meaner.there is no fantasy here only oak trees.people honk their horns more.
i was told by the 3rd or so guy not to write on the compuyter anymore.he took my computer.and yelled breach into a phone when i somehow mentioned somethings i wasnt supposed to.about the future.the future has to do with some kind of "magic"being released in the air.stuff like that .yeah .stuff like that .true magic.although pumped up with lots and lots of technology .
it's also about knowing without speaking.it's about simply knowing.
it's takes alot to get to this knowing though.i used to think it was about some inner peace.or aiming to get rid of intrusive thoughts.
like i think about stuff i wrote early on about my family in the other blog.seemingly not caring one bit of theyu might come across my writings.
i sorta dont think they were ever really my family .
they were never on my side
when i speak to them i am truly speaking to "aliens"foreigners.
in CA people were helping me get rid of the garbage they put into my head.and all the garbage i picked up here in pennsylvania.
but i folded and got confused .and somehow started using hard drugs again .because i thought that was what i was supposed to do.that it was part of "the program"i dont like that "they" give me so much free will.all my free will causes is misunderstandings and time is a wasting,
time is changing and such things they will happen soon.
i wanted to see my mother and friends here and convince them to go west .to riverside county.miles away from los angels but close enuf.
don't ask why,
we are not there.
but i must make money.i was too angry for living on the streets i am not pseudo schizo enuf to be tame and passive on the road.i would yell at the wealthy people
GIVE GIVE.even a dollar.
even a little wrapped cracker in your purse which i know without knowing is there.(why u carrying around those 3 wrapped crackers you cracker.cuz u know a little bit huh.you know a little bit that u might need in cuz the angries like me will be running wild soon when it goes and shows and mows you down.the beam the seam that holds this Palm Springs to gether.
ahhhh keep your god damn cracker miss.
i am here to take note is all .to record your countenance at my visible hunger is all.
duly noted
posted by jimbloom @ 6:37 AM
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