you have found out your 17 year old son with high functioning autism has run away
you cant say you were really proud of him
he was not a typical son was he.
at times he seemed emotion less.
often scattered ,more often than not almost beligerant,at not being understood.
he had made it through high school by the skin of his teeth.
he disappeared.
there is a side to your self that is glad.
you were secretly ashamed of him
you and your husband think he might have gone west .
to maybe visit with a fellow gamer
he spent hours sometimes playing games on the computer.
it was his connection to others.
it was non verbal
you dont call the police.
there is an awful part of yourself that doesnt want him to move back


a few months ago you visited your son at a mental hospital
he spoke of people who experimented on him
played with him
did things to him
to his brain
to his eyes.
to his ears

he says they have made him into something
and they won't stop



your son moves back
he is broken.
he had difficulties before
but not like this.
you wish he would go away again.
he talks in riddles about how his senses were changed.
you can't help but ask him for proof or at least details
he can't explain it.and when he tries he gets lost
or afraid.
you have no choice but to put him away
he is given so many drugs that he no longer talks about it
you hope he is kept there a long time

you don't know that he was spotted at a diner
by those that has been taught to seek a type out
a type something like your son actually
a type that seems "game"
a type that won't be missed or moreso believed.
an easy target
and yes this is true

his symptoms are of aural and visual hallucinations
"ahhh "the doctors say,quite easy to treat"
his symptoms however are
not symptoms at all
but success.

"it works"someone is saying

"it works" someone is saying
and not your poor son who has been worked on
 and worked over
"it works""someone is saying,

"and it is here"
********************************************

                  Look where you left him

And look where he was off to next

Jacob was released with 20 dollars and off he went

Into the streets only to be taken in

By Arthur

I will give you lodging if I can do this that and the other to you

Jacob had little choice and there he stayed

Having this that and done to him

His mother sometimes called Arthur.

Is my boy alright

yes Arthur says “he is alright indeed”he  says  licking his chompy chomps.

This made Jacobs mother happy

 for she did like Jacob being so much enjoyed

Having little else to do and to keep what was left of his mind busy Jacob began drawing on the wallpaper in the dreaded room he shared with Arthur

They were not very good drawings.

Most done with markers and crayons

It was a small room.

When Arthur was off at work Jacob would scribble and scream.

He was not locked in mind you but Jacob after all this twisty twine done on his poor noggin by the powers that be

and the shlocktors in the hospital there was not much out and about left in poor Jacob

There were just too many bits missing

Arthur didn’t want the neighbors to see how he treated Jacob alone,

The blinds were always pulled tight down

For he had built up such sunny sunshine greetings with the towns people

Oh Jacob is just fine fine fine he would say.what a dear to live with(chomp,chomp)

“how nice you are taking care of the dim fellow “the neighbors would  smile

One day after a fight of Jacob not wanting no Arthur fiddle abouts

He was tossed into the blind ,and one of the blinds fell bust up on the floor.

Arthur didn’t notice and Jacob thought ,let them see,if they wish what really goes on here.

Let them see Arthur chimping and chomping him when he didn’t want none of it.

Slowly and quickly at the same time Jacob went madder and madder drawing more and more on the wallpaper

He so wanted the man who lived across from the window to look through and see

Maybe that man could take Jacob in without the chomping

The wallpaper was replaced time and again

But Jacob would always end up writing and drawing on it

Every line was a scream

I can take no more of this Arthur yelled after replacing the wallpaper for the 7^th time

Besides you have grown fatter and older

I shall send you to Ben’s house.

If you think I chomp and dink at you too much HA are you in for a surprise how kind I have been

And out Jacob went.

To ben

To Herman to wayne

Drawing all their nasty faces and places all over the walls

As the years went by besides growing madder Jacob also became cruel

He could not hide his cruelty and contempt of the men who took care of him no more

And with this came crueler men who liked his bitterness

He was not young

 or handsome

Just mad as a bed bug

He had nothing to take

Only a sneer that had wedged itself plainly on his nasty nasty face

His job it seemed

 was to be as bitter and cruel as the years had been to him

to grunt and grimace and curse and cain

anything to make the men feel happy

that they were not so grim

that they were not so bitter

he was like some type of tv show where the viewer would look away and look back

“oh my Jacob look at the horrible man,thank god I am not him”

But Jacob was him

And it seemed somehow plain that that was the only reason he was allowed to stay,or be fed

if ever Jacob let his guard down and a beam of kindness or composure leaked out

the men got angry

his mother would call the man everynow and than

“how is little Jacob?”

“Oh you know Jacob.mean,sad and angry “the man would smile

Is he still drawing on the wallpaper?”his mother would ask

“not so much ,not so much,"the man would say

“thank goodness”,his mom would say

“our boy is growing up,” the man would giggle.