bluemoon

but what good is this
.i am trapped.
augmented.
I am being resolved
I was game
I wanted help
but now
it
s turned into something else

detainment?
suspiscion


 fake visions


a true god would know what i need is not games and symbols
but to change my thoughts about others
and they do not and they do not
for what do symbols mean? to me

 there is nothing to link them to
  feelings  i have turned them off long ago when i couldnt take it

feeling

gibberish
I follow them to rich sections of town
they tell me to not speak ..
just listen

 fake .created by man .images. holograms
i have the sight .'she says but I know she doesn't like me in her house I am not beautiful enuf to go with her "things"



.this woman ,this rich woman in her kitchen so big so white.but not quite whiter than her says
there were times days moments
which made it impossible to believe that it was anything but magic .i am more afraid  the more
i tell her
more afraid that this is true.that what i am experiencing is cosmic.
that it is somehow...... true.

but it isnt  but it isnt

i hate that i am involved.
i am afraid to go back to los angeles.but i must
it is my duty..to see what #####will do to me next
but i must become good.
good in a way i am not and never was.
to think not only of my own life but of mankind.( i think like some crazy fucker at a comicon convention,but someone must get the word out)
they shoved things in my arm .
...My 6 foot rabbit
she knows it.Her smile fades.
I see lipstick on her teeth now.
my eyes loses some focus(evan takes over.."you need this women you need success".Smile be greatful)but i see the lipstick as blood.and somehow she knows it.
does it matter
does it matter that it is all made up.the future.the now.the chance.even this woman's fake smile
"think of it as aliens?what next...
she hates me
in an instant
i won't be a believer in Lies
unless they pay me..or so they have thought
it is that cheap.am i am so obviously percieved as such.as i counted on
as my father had taught me
thank god i remeber
my days are numbered
thank god

the real one
not this


the woman comes to me ..
she tells me to sit in another room
she  comes close to me ..whispers in my ear..
"they caught you..they think ,"she says" closer "you're a weirdo"..they find you amusing
they will make a game of you..
I was told not to answer..
I sit there smiling
not hearing but Knowing
...she seems to read my mind
no
you DONT know..
you don't want to..