measured cues

the hell with it i think...trying this hard to present the facts of the story mixed about as some sci fi shit.only for my own safety.yeah .safety sometimes matters on those rare moments of the day when i can give a damn if I exist at all.i am depressed.i am not used to it.depression.not my thing.i get no answers..i swear i am back to thinking this was all some kind of..
hallucination.?

are u fuckin kidding me.
a cover up perhaps.and so it goes . am  I back to some kind of screenplayish asperations.no !!I have no asperations.like i said.i have become aimless here.

but i plow on.
adding more bits of fact and fiction.My own cover up you see..I HAVE RECIEVED NO ANSWERS.only more questions .
besides i have to be more careful what i write.so would you when Proxy is suspiscious and on Interneural 24/7
and maybe it wasnt a good idea to  mention ***** who have a hand in the proxy pie as well.
I have heard ***** can get a bit barnstormy if one writes of one's dealings with them in a way that doesnt fit their remix.
I have always had a difficult time getting on with others .besides this aspergery shit.I have been told i have avesion s and stuff to authority and all sorts of vaguely anti socialization problems.know what i mean.
even my experiences with the Alien Entities have not gone so well,i have no idea what they were expecting.perhaps their last contact was with Christ. or those very dilligent groups that built huge monuments.
I am not so much defiant as more concerned  at this point with earthly things like which sneakers i can afford.and getting another apartment .and how i will pay rent since absolutely everything i had is gone.
between the dactologists,proxy and  hmmm.I could barely figure out what the fuck was what.

though it has occured to me
and not for the first time that as bad as things were with THEM has nothing on my "relations" with uh

....the North Canadian Intelligence Agency(NCIA) who unbeknownst to me had set me up.since I was quite small to infiltrate the entire clusterfuck.it was no accident that yours truly was in LA on Santa Monica Blvd .Nope indeed.yousee NCIA knew about Prox's founding father Gary Rainy like years before i was even born and even then way before like there were even really computers as we know them it was all this son of a bitch could write and talk about.the guy like tape recorded everything,wrote tons of books,every waking day was spent thinking ,writing ,taping.he went thru like 6 wives because of this bullshit.anyway he started both Dactology (and later began his association with David Christie (the founder of Prox)...anywho NCIA didnt much like Gary Rainy or Dactology cuz they had this way of like being all sneaky,and sneaking in and out of stuff.just like NCIA,and I guess NCIA always wants to be the sneakiest.at this point i sorta hate them all.I have no allegiance to any thing anyone except to myself.Or what's left of myself after being commandeered by these maniacs in one way or another for decades!

well
besides being a bit "off" I am sorta typical guy getting on in years.and have jackshit to show for my existance.now this might be fine if It didnt become all too apparent that it has barely been my existance at all.I have been told on way too many occasions (and most of my "occasions' have been pre-arranged,so what does that tell you of my associates that i am not the sharpest tack in the tackroom.Ha! I have my eyes on the skies. little do i give a damn about the ins and inards of Prox or Dactology.or their way of insinuating themselves into all areas and slivers of the Candian  way of Life.from the post office to the pool rooms to the public high schools.nor do i care about their ideology that has borrowed every known form of Person Control from the Japanese WW2  "camp"experiments to EST to Silva Mind manipulation.Dr Jake Orlean,the secret saint of NCIA suggested as early as 1958 that the only way an agent could survive what he surmised(and right I must say)Gary Rainy's Pet project was to create this agent essentially from birth.So "washy" was this form of utter control of the Personhood.aAl five senses,through his predicted and fostered ideas on the New Man.the cybernetic Co Hort,who worked not quitre as an individual but a "collective man" .Group Thought was Gary Rainy's ideal.as long as the thought ,was his.
Dr Jake Orlean supposed that only a "shattered" mind could indure and withstand(not to mention report) Gary rainy's(proxy"s)interneural "horror show"This agent ,this shattered man with only the ability to think like a goldfish should also be taught to only respond to measured cues and symbols so that even in a state of cybrernetic stress he might be able to "snap out of it"long enough so that NCIA could determine his "transjectory,his causation by proxy"
NCIA referred to this as project "tommy" or simply ProJect Pinball

see..mixing in some uh...fiction..uhh..let me explain...not so much..
you see  tonight is a nite to say what the hell to yell BREACH and dance around may poles.that is how sick of these assholes one and all i is.
now.it would be quite a bitch to raise a kid completely "tommy" but give em a bit of Ephronamine ergot and Rimalphosphate while he's in 4 point restraint to a lawn chair.voluntarily (don't ask)and you get the shine of it pretty well."a little bit of this ,a little bit of that"I was raised Tommy Bobby,as many candian type family units did this type of"thing " for the cause.though i am beginning to question exactly what Cause it was that kim,my mother and ted ,not to mention big Jim were really apart of.because gary Rainy 's first step in the Proxy process is in fact convicing would be devotees that all parental groups since 1966 on were part of some conspiracy type rebop to bring CERTAIN chosen Children up in this way.Ways such as project tommy.for the soul reason of making them ready to be part of The New Way.But because this New Way was so ahead of it's time and could possibly be seen by certain goverenmnet types as afoul even their parents couldn't say "yes of course we did sweetheart"if asked.And don't you dare ask or mention it.for you might just get them into more hot water than you know.(actually sometimes Old gary would get confused and tell them that they were raised "tommY" to in fact further the old way.it hardly matterd a bit of Rimalphosphate in orange soda went along way to whatever way was the way of the day ."a little bit of this ,a little bit of that," as gary was often heard giggling into the tape recorder.Evan,gary's stepson keeps the tapes on display in proxy's  new New Way Head offices.