i was out .late .it was misting or whatever they call it.not really drizzling.less people out
.and(sometimes) more of Them
 out..
.they usually  appear as obvious as possible. So best to spot them
this one,suddenly standing next to me dolled up as as the ubiquitous nerdybut spunky ,punky maroon haired ,bespectacled scientist type on so many one hour crime dramas
"know what i mean jelly bean "she said
pulling the cigarette out of my mouth.and mimicing my stance,i was staring at the river.
"well that's a move in the right direction,at least you're actually looking at something..you're lookin all schizoid since you've returned to philly..."
"i"m trying to pull myself together..."
"Not very well it seems,"she said looking me up and down
" i might join a gym.."
"something..anything,...we're losing you.."
before i can get all jumpy and screamy ,shouting who who exactly are you.Why do you come around, She removed a white shirt a tie and an overcoat from her bookbag which she quickly and wordlessly buttoned up on me.So as to better react to her..I now vaguely resembling a distracted though professional tv crime show co worker I knew the drill..she indicated that we should sit on a bench ..primitive mind reading devices,back in the 1940'German scientists mainly." very Project paper clip..brain resonant stuff,magnets,stuff like that Gary Rainy was fascinated by anything and everyone having to do with it.He knew very serious thinkers,scientist types.He wrote some rather juvenile texts for some of the less prestegeous periodicals.nonetheless making something of a name for himself..i heard bits of pieces of what she was saying
he became master at recording pulses and subtle eye moments.he created what he called Tonalites of Human Vibration.
."he knew how to write a hell of a personal letter,Knew how to gush reverence and appraisal so well of his "idols" that he recieved a very suprising amount of feedback from a good many brilliant men in his field of interest..
 also Rainy was also an astute fisherman.with a boat with closed but open invitations to "the right people"he called them fishing expeditions and they were in more ways than one"
she paused here.like she had made some joke.Uh,I said .Opening my eyes wider.Than shaking my head,than covering my mouth like "oh no" I was an awful actor.she rolled her eyes.I tugged my trenchcoat closer.And to make her feel better and to just change the scene made a silent gesture that we walk along the river.
supposedly rainy convinced at least 3 dozen of his followers to plant devices such as these into their new born children,
Children of The New Way...
it was hard to know if she was one of THEM or one of "THEM".a clusterfuck of identityHe wrote a thesis on Tone-alitys of Human Vibration ,suggesting he had also found a way to decipher small intervals of these impulses into actually Phrases and words...after teaming up with a handful of drop out MIT types ..she said. going overboard to recapture her theatrical TV type lab assistant persona to keep me engaged.but my mind was drifting.her perfume was noxious and my mind went elsewhere
"St Elsewhere "she said,"my perfume.if you're tired just lay down for a bit...


ethan had learned to walk on egg shells literally growing up.his mother had made him.she wanted the young boy to learn to walk with the lightest step possible.to make less noise.to make himself less of the burdening presence he was.his mother had crytis.a disease that made her cry out at noise and sound,sometimes even before she heard it.she made ethan wear toilet paper on his feet and shoes ,anything to quiet the boy.
i learned about crytis from ethan when i was a boy.
when i was about 5 or so.
he would visit me at night.
he first appeared on the ceiling.
like a bug ,sorta.
at first,for several months he just hung there .like a chandelier.
there seemed to be a group of kids like this.frequent fliers.before i even knew the term.
but maybe thats wrong.
none of this group of appearing boys really flew.
there was simply to heavy a feel to them.
i guess the most they could muster was this appearing bizness.more escaping than flying.sometimes 3 or more would gather.sometimes more.
none of us could sleep.
all of our parents had crytis in one form or another.which made rest difficult.for we knew what day or days were coming tommorow.
there was no talk.no heloo and such.and not even much comfort.
so what if we all "went ceiling" about every now and than.it didnt help the situations at hand much.we always returned to our own selves.
it was a sad lot.that was probably why there was not too much communication.
we were young.
our empathy was for our own lot.
our own selves.
sometimes we would crawl close together and untagle spider webs in the corners of my room.no talking.
because it was finally only ethan who came.
and ethan had learned not to speak much which was fine by me.
so we crawled about on the white ceiling.i guess while we werent really friends we were shock absorbers for each others day to days
sometimes mine were worse than his sometimes mine.
unlike how things like this are maybe now...it wasnt a contest.of "well you think that's bad..'it was
survival.

we were both in early stages.
of paranoid schizophrenia.we were 6 years old.
or DISASSIMULATION..as gary rainy had deemed it.and dreamed it.the sons of rainy must be sharp.and must be splintered.LIKE PRIMITIVES without Ego or Directive.!to be reassembled .TO TRAVEL en mass like true spirits.
but here we were.
in our 40s
just broken
NOT BROKEN .
out mothers and fathers had been part of The Rainy Clan.
we were pioneers.
and he told us why we were brought up as we were.
it was deliberate
it was why we saw things and knew things.
it was why i knew ethan before knowing him

we drank more of the communal stew.hotpockets ,blue corn,ginger.DMT SENSO.we were under a parachute.a fire in the middle .smoke billowing around us some of us coughing.but no body wanted to run,to breath fresh air...while the Rainy Clan Band's techno droned on about Babyfarm babies like us...the song repeating and repeating till it seemed perfectly easy to understand our childhoods .. because he explained it to us " a new style ,a new way to remember ...You see there is a reason you came to me and I came to you.long ago your mothers  were my wives..they may deny it.they will and your fathers ,your fathers? He brushed his hands.And shruggedYour Fathers! he yelledI .He encouraged us to giggle..He raised his hands and laughed a hearty laugh. A peal of laughing ripped through the room.".I met your mothers  in parking lots and behind gas stations when my movement was still small. it was mystical our comsumation,
a pretty gitl who looked like someone i knew from highschool suddenly snapped her fingers in front of my eyes,she had to shout above the music,"did he get to the part about how tiny transistors were placed in our heads as infants?"
"What"I said cupping my ear.
"I love that part,don't you?"
I didnt like her mocking tone,i would have to get her name.
"that part is the best,bestest and bestolicious,"she screamed,laughing.
I was trying to manuveur my cell phone to take a picture of her but she had gone

."all of you are my children. this is why i am strong with you.And why your natural mothers keep hush about their involvement.(on a big screen pictures of middle aged women appeared..one after another.I suppose we were supposed to make our own connections,i didnt know if anyone knew any of the women on the screen.if they were in fact anyone in the group's mothers,the techno got louder and some carefully placed scribbled out pictures of men(fathers?)drew angry catcalls and boos from the collective)
'several members left as you know.finding it difficult to believe.To trust..He shrugged and said "WHo Ha."
together the group shrugged ,"who Ha!"
a giant plastic beach ball was passed over the crowd.
WHO HA!" Rainy screamed.
"who Ha.," we yelled back throwing the ball ,around us and up towards the parachute's canopy
He hushed us ."and pulled on his beard,several members who left us claimed their mothers were not and could not have been with me in the early 70's and such.coming to me with so called proof that their mother was in haiwai or some such Who Ha!next they will be saying i cannot read minds He laughed a big belly laugh.encouraging us all to laugh.Who Ha he laughed,grabbing the giant beach ball and throwing it back into the crowd.
"I know it seems strange,picturing your mother with Old Father Rainy in the Old Way days...so I have brought Proof.Let  Sister Denise ..Brother Bobby's mother ,one of the original wives ..during the preharvest years explain,explain the convent.the oath taken in the early years
" as she was getting plowed by king rainy in a jcpenny dressing room i suppose.oh holy holy.besides  isn't she the waitresses at the  Bob's Big Boy",I heard sarcastic girl whispers with an audible sheesh....the woman did resemble that waitress ,but still,the internals of The New Way are complicated,and maybe..
Sarcastic girl who seemed drunk on something besides SENSO whispered in my ear.
"here comes the part about projected imageand audio,very complicated ,better take notes"
"have some fucking respect" I shouted but again  she was lost in the crowd.

your mothers.your fathers and you.I couldnt trust you being with them alone.I had to keep an eye on my babies....my future prophets and leaders so.I admit.I admit I admit. (he paused and made a motion to kill the lights,he might begin crying...NO KEEP THE LIGHT ON..Let's all from NOW on Keep the Lights On! I have admitted I was harsh.that i specifically made your childhoods HARSH!
you needed to be broken into
broken in
broken apart
to be ready to Proxy!
there were cameras HE HIMSELF ordered our parents to place ... cameras on the ceiling and microphones.YouR Fathers KNEW
.but they didnt know I recorded you LOVINGLY.I paid them.and said it was a test for ..YOU KNOW WHO.
(we know who weknowwhoweknowwho,the group sang,till rainy got us back on track)
 nothing was said about the projected images and audio during our childhood ,
so  we could GO CEILING!) so we would be prepared to Go Proxy!....maybe that was a different thing .altogether.

 a larger picture.for a "larger picturious new world ."sacrifices were made,Rainy said...before you were born to prepare the next generation.for Paradismical Paranormous Pandora...the risks the risks your  Mothers My wives have taken for you questioning,whining,heretics."he shouted.Some people began apologizing.and soon many were openly sobbing ,the others too lost and drugged to keep up"the sacrifices your mothers have made to break break break you into dots and lines and ones and zeros .so that you may float .and soon fly.!!!
Mrs Rainy joined Evan and Gary  onstage, .Suddenly the lights changed.she spoke in a mocking voice,"some of you want answers.WHY WHY WHY HOW HOW HOW.
"evan began chanting ,in a baby voice ,"whywhywhyhowhowhowwhywhywhyhowhowhow,"but before we could join along he banged the microphone for reverb and Mrs rainy began,"is that not why you really cAME.YOU INGRATES,she screamed and smiled,flicking her tongue and than she began to dry.
evan began to chant in a gentle tone, wrapping his arm around her,"no no no.,no no no. The crowd in an automatic outpouring of group thought ,began crying and shout 'No No no"
"quantum physics,cerebral reach and experiments in human augmentation,societal shifts and even rock and roll
the pyramid of control whose highest peak was above men.
millions of years ago .more than millions he told the group
"the history you have been told is false,"he shouted,the fire lighting his face from below.
"i will tell you the true way."
yes yes yes i began to chant when i saw the girl who looked like someone i knew from highschool pass out"

.I went to her and stumbled her outside the tent.


 are you alright I asked
she rolled her eyes.
"Never ask a NCIA who was raised pre- 1977 Rainy if they are alright. Dumbo "she said",Besisdes
"i'm almost ready to switch sides if only for that hot pocket stew"