to be honest.the first thing to go is
sanity
i wonder what i would have been like

or turned into
if way back in **'
they didnt make me into their project
sure i wasnt exactly on top of the world
not in my life and certainly not
in that
hotel in hollywood
just the place where these
"mentors
find
"subjects' like me.


yeah
the first thing to go with
"brain games"" is one's mind

so what they"re left with
is muck
the first intrusion so horrible .so terrifying that something.something inate just retreats.
maybe flies away.(I hope .I hope)

yet they piddle around in this damaged muck.
what is left of one's brain
after


for reasons i used to only guess but seem unfortunately to sorta have figured out

'oh of course it's science fiction to you

but to me
this
has become the most usual thing in the world

in fact i miss it when they arent goin stampy on me

but let me tell you
that first time they did it
and for the first few months i was fuckin scared all the time
imagine.
having something so bizarre happen .

and i was in my 20's
but what gets me
is
how it hurt some basic part of me
maybe even my soul
and maybe thats worth dying over.

this type of technology
for any reason
should be banned outright before it is too late.

or at least used by
people who have had it done to themselves
exactly as it was done to the person it is being done to
not for small cycles of 5 hours here and there in 2 week stints
with knowledge of what is going on

i can see there might be in some people's minds reasons for keeping things quiet
i can see that
mAYBE ONLY CUZ IT'S BEEN RUBBED INTO MY HEAD

some people are considered
expendable
or for science
'
or in this case for industry
for *****
for "the future"
if this is the future.
especially if it is mine
i want no part of it
and trust me.i do not believe i will have a future much longer

but as my dad said once
everyone needs to feel they have left a mark
he told me that there is graffiti by ancient Egyptians that i guess proved to someone if only themselves they were here.

i don't believe i will be "outted" in this project EVER
and it is really anything anyone involved should be proud of?

 

fffffiction fiction ficccction....yes.yes
gotta keep it ......unreal.
unreal is how it feels and unreal might keep me alive a bit longer

as if anyone would believe the real story
a fuck of alot stranger this this muckity muck
(sometimes i do recall people SAW alot of this..
not from the "project"point of view but with their eyes)

there was no reason for me to be acting as i was.(no legitimate explanation from any psychological view,or drug induced behavioral patter,although just close enuf to mask the "situation at hand)
nor for that long.
it doesnt add up
not in 1994.or 2011

can i get a witness
1022 pine st/burbank blvd indiancanyon drive

this project that might have been far fetched in 94 NOT so DAMN much in 2012 huh..

gots to keep it unreal though
THESE GUYS LOVE LOVE LOVE the unreal