sand in my shoes.1994 (nightmare on Pine Street)

.

.....one
wonders.
"

aloud."

for my mind is an Open Forum

so much so that i often do not know if I am "graphing" my thoughts.feelings or desires

for my own sake.
or otherwise
one thing about this Cybernetic experience
(be it real or imagined...as I reckon a True Schizophrenic must also come up with some sort of paradigm of sequentials
or perish
into
a different type of insanity

I wouldn't know
as i have never been diagnosed as such

.....
well for the sake of
innovation
let's play it both ways
shall we
in fact

for the sake of historical record.
let us add a new element

the Supernatural

..odd that even in 2012
"the supernatural ,the paranormal.the ubiquitous "space aliens" and Illuminati
can be swallowed
more easily
that a coupla filaments
some head gear
and some invisible pulsations that can in actuality be read
by anyone these days
trained Ultrasound Techniques

IT IS THE STORIES that matter
and the calculated
synaptic manuevers
that
drive the bus

for all I know you can buy some of the sillycon on EBay
one can even start a group
that uses the
shit
and fancy yourself
some kinda
hidden empire.

in fact intraneural Interface
might soon become the all the rage of certain fledgling Hate Groups.

or maybe
one can just use it
to sway

that out of your league blonde
to "love you long time"

perhaps you can do both

ahhh
but the subject
was Roses

and the Rising
of Spirits
hmmm

I envision
a crystal ball
I picture myself in a turban
I rub my hands
and FEEL the friction

I feel the natural oil
of my palms

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

I travel
back
in time

"the voices"

"the haunting" on 1022 Pine st.

that MADE ME
what I AM
TODAY

"the spirits"..
of 1994"
that "followed" me back from that Spoooky
"experienceexperimentexponient
"happening"
at The Gilbert Hotel on Wilcox

oooooooooo
thise spooky spirits
 Fresh of the turnip truck
and rather amateurish
understanding
of human brain function

rather dim
THESE SPIRITS
in their
input analysis.
of how
"form follows function"
and how
"one thing leads to another"
and how
perception
and inception of thought often has no intent

yet
"in the spiritual realm" if we are to be metaphorical
Everything
means
something

and

first impressions .
mean
EVERYTHING

(I hear you knocking BUT you can't come in..)

especially concerning intraneural exchange between "spirits"

First impressions

IN FACT
any IMPRESSION


 influence
everything that follows.
as one
is
IMPRINTING
on one's
"collector of souls"
whether one
is participatory or not



and I must say
that in 1994
I was not quite the Purest Soul
worth
knowing

there was so much..."act one way ,think another going on"
as I was


"kept"

at the time
by several
"benefactors"


things

went awry from the start.

and grew worse as we went along

"i could not handle"the initial trauma
of being read.
so it was goodbye Hollywood Blvd

back to philadelphia.

back to a small apartment

everything I did was wrong

everything I thought was wronger still

and things reached a creshendo

when I began not only using men(or was it the other way around?) but harder drugs as well to deal with it

well.

beyond the usual

roustabouts of "testing" out the equipment

I was TOLD in no unceratin terms to stop

living how i was.

and get a job or something

no drugs. no whoring .cut down on cigarettes

I couldn't stop.

and I couldn't start

and by this time

THEY had it.

I should have known they weere just waiting for something

ANYTHING

to justify

my come uppance

``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

the shower.

leaked

if I showered regardless of a curtain

the water dripped

down through the 2nd floor to

an antique store below.

1. thus I had to take baths.
3. 
   I used to be a vorcious reader.

I would read

during my baths

on one particular day

well into "training"

I was rereading the english translation of "Perfume"

by Patrick Suskind

I may have been sweating off a hangover

the combination of sweating

and the premise of the novel

                           somehow

                                                                              blew my "neuralist/spirit"

to some type of 4th dimention

of some kind of 9th circle

of cybernetic hell

and from that specific point on.

which might have lasted.

all of 3 minutes.

I was

deeemed deranged

and was subsequentrly served up

(in reproach) a 2 week Rendition

of Hellraiser meets Joan of Arc

by way of "Demon Seed"

this first "trip" to "the New Way"

resulted

in my being warehoused for 7 months

in 4 different mental hospitals

which of course lead to an oblideration

of whatever my mid and late 20's might,ought or could have been

i wonder
if I am honest
what exactly
I would have made
of myself
if not for
"this "intervention"

THEY of course
could care less
about my "pontifications"*

sometimes
one must
 bend a wing
to
soar to higher
destinations

 





*as I often "get da feeeeelin" (often simply a sharp pain in my left arm) that i sorta shouldn't be writin about this at all.It is in my best interest that I don't truly recollect just how terrifying my initial "communion" was with "my mentors" fuzzy remembrances are often the best remedy for Remedials
.And for now.I will "cool it" with the longest EWWWW-a cide note  ever written.
For these "boys" mean bizzzzness.BIG BIG BIG Bizness.