"this is how it begins"

think of yourseld as jake gellyhal in ....
or keanu reeves in

uh
maybe if i looked like kneanu reeves or jake  whateverhal
or at the least had dough like them
i might be able to,,give it a go

i follow the "rules" so far as best i can .for if i don't i get slammed with visions
and we aint talkin no "cool world"

don't jack off (less ...we say so)
don't look in the mirror more than shaving or teeth brushing
BRUSH YOUR TEETH MORE!
don't "remember things" from your past
don't be self referential in your thoughts
don't read packaging
DON"T READ
don't get impatient for instance waiting in lines at stores.IT READS as agression.
(you read as Dexter Evan says.we can't always differentiate between Imaptience and out and out violence)

......
there's more.
..i have a difficult time with not remebering things though
or not being "triggered" like by a street sign that says applewood rd
i think of apples
and wood
sometimes if i think of apples i think of that actor on ...
(that they "used")
or wood.
and it aint good to think of the implications of actors and wood.
not during this "brainstorm"into the new frontier...

see it's happening aLREADY
NEXT IT WILL BE CHRISTOPHER WALKEN MOVIES
or an impulse to go walkin
after midnight
out in the ...moonlight
but it's morning
o nly 7 19
and the days are taking their toll
been with
my mentors 24 / for over a year this run

and i hate the cold

they hate when i think about the cold.
I dont know if fuckkkkk i'm fucking freezing thoughts
come off as agressive
or just  or annoying
we've exhausted the story lines of explanation
(i'm not playful enuf anymore to even do the "king Creole"first gay jew warehoused president of the new world shit,nor can we really go back to space aliens or "the illuminati skull and bones occult jive...really a shame i returned to philly got online and went googling about.funny how as advanced as this is ..nobody really thought it thru enuf that in this day and age of super slow computing all this "unknown technology" is right online...
but the main problem is that familiarity breeds contempt
and when they're done with you
they're like reallllllly done.

i'm not sure if i'm too exhausted to go legit "crazy" from these adventures in modern recording
or simply curious enuf
to SEE
what's next
and there is indeed something quite unsettling about
being this controlled by
"science"
that in spite of my rather disengaged associations with "civil rights" or ......whatever
it's just wrong.
it isnt a movie
this isnt a game
life.
i was distant enuf
maybe thats why they did it.
that it wouldnt show so much.

i looked lost i guess.
now.i know i will inevitably just lose

you cant fight these guys(and gals)
this techno is already here.
god only knows what it's REALLY for

in 20 years this blog might mean something
by than it will be "too late"
or maybe i am writing this too soon after all(all ther bugs arent out)
in that case this will be exclusive
in which case i should be glad i suppose that "a poor wretch like me" got a chance to "play "
for free.

they have their own side of the story
they have found my adversity amusing
my pain and struggle
equally so..
this is why i am quite sure this is not sanctioned by the ***
or at least
i hope so
from what i've read.
death is the only way
"to turn something off.
you never asked to "be turned on"

insanity will be the explanation
for my jottings
it is what i would think as well if anyone tried to tell this tale
fictionalized or not.
but i do wonder
for how long
will this explanation
for those targeted(or "treated")
hold up

it is 7 50 EST
november 8th


don't jack off (less ...we say so)
don't look in the mirror more than shaving or teeth brushing
BRUSH YOUR TEETH MORE!
don't "remember things" from your past
don't be self referential in your thoughts
don't read packaging
DON"T READ
don't get impatient for instance waiting in lines at stores


                           ***

you dont want to bore these guys
they might rev you up
and down........
alcohol is not alright but somehow crack sort of is as i refuse "their shrinks" ritalins
they also have their own cops and lawyers judges and all that shit
but fuck it if they'll pay me a god damn dime
less it's some humiliating suck off or something i'm giving "one of the "team" outside a taco bell
for 30 bucks no less
or in one case a "happy meal"

far gone are the days or even seconds i can think of these dudes as "the right stuff"
it's usually somewhere between nazis and those guys in high school who would guard the "boy's room" tom make sure you didnt smoke.or piss on the wall or something