Tommy /Bobbi/Cody/Punk

they told me i was raised this way on purpose
and screwed with sexually
on purpose by
The Baby Sitter's Boyfriend
before mu mind was capable of thinking in words
so I would be able to dichotomize
be able to
disassociate..

How else could we do it Dumbo?

several were RAZED this way
that's how dedicated
some are ....to 'The Science of The Mind" ...and research...

when we guys and girls raised on Monarch Programing yell "Mind Fuck"
we mean it ..
in a literal way you dumb reader wouldn't understand

it
was for
for 'the experiment" for the" experience" the input ..the supposition that x plus y will equal THIS

I can judge them
Don't You Dare ....or I'll hurt you in ways you can't even dream about ..
we.
raised this way
stick together.
we hate in the  same way

we hook up with each other.
we know how not to touch one another.
and how to never make each other FEEL to much

we know how not to send one another OUT THERE...

-------------
i don't like remembering how i was raised
but one goes with the other...

the sociological PUSH
to deal with the Technological PULL
..
I despise them .
but there's a sick ,ill ...part of me ..that cannot help but have some sick ,ill esteem for the lengths they went
for Pure Science
..
they keep away from us
they have to..
up close ...with people who went to 'this length" I would shorten with my bare teeth...

it makes sense
they only communicate with "our kind"
via
"apps"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
but it didn't work

not how they planned .THEY who PLANNED everything
not on me..

not enough
-------------------------------
did it work on The Others?
how many of us were there
how many "of us" are left?
they want to get rid off me
the group
i am purposely kept "out of the loop"
"out of the group"
they call me
Tommy
again

.
when i was younger they "fiddled about"
now they just fiddle

 always scrutinized
always "applied"
yet never supplied.

warehoused                                               and now it's just about testing out "the stuff"
why bother
is the approach
"just die already"is the jist




every  thought i make
every move i make                                      (stop typing or we will.......)
pl------eeeez do I graph back
do it fast
do it NOW!

Gary Rainy dressed in a wains coat

as did many of his followers

during that period when Rainy's obsessions

began to focus less on the dynamics of intraneural collective thought

and more about actual "collections"of type

a Jacobian

he called himself

when the word Rainy became almost a synonym for "cult"

The Jacobian Group

would be called many things before it was simply called "Proxy Cy

The  Jacobian Group
 Rainy liked the historical connotations

and the New World associations.

and implications that like The original Jacobians "his group" was not lead by "a man" but lead by a "notion"
 

also the Jews"Rainy was said to have said
and how do I know..because THESE are the Children's stories READ at me INTO Me
into Proxy raised to be Husks
and never .never really grow up...
ever..
they made sure we lacked something essential
"The Babysitter's Boyfriend -----rendition
(one of so many ..renditions to keep us haunted and small)  

"also the Jews"" Gary Rainy -said -identified intrinsically with the word Jacob
THE JEWS Gary Rainy so much needed "in the industry"

could "handle" something  Jacobian....THOSE JEWS.
they HATE any group NOT their own you know??
no I know nothing but what I am told.
I was raised Jewish
 

 than

Jacobian

became Jake

than  Jack

call someone a Jack or a Jake raised
insane
for science
soon they are nOT allowed to ever call themselves Jews.
we....raised as science projects..
cannot pray
for all we pray for ...is
an end to the technology
the tech that allows our every thought to be read....
our Minds on Merge., like the little tiny door  one sees  in old movies that stayed shut unless you knew the password.

they of course KNOW the passwords..and the cues
and all the associations and references we were raised upon
they think of us as ..not quite human
how could they afford to ...
but as time goes on
a new type Man's Men made to be "Man-ed"
a type whose profile fits
one who would place a headset full of biosensors atop their head to ...read a man or women whose very brain has been spike with sensors
for interface ...
they LIKE thinking of us NOW as humans...it's adds to the fun of hurting us

do you see why we were forced to give up our "so called" ethnic article..
somehow 
they made sure ..
we were 
conditioned toward agnostic
man made religions do not float well
with men and women raised only to be Human Experiments. .

like a spell or incantation

Jacoby

Jack

Jake

Janey

there is a building up
there is a ripping down
"everything must go"
to a "fixer upper"

in my own actual life
in
my own "dailies"
not THEIRS
there is no progress
only data
only denouncement

self determinism is my only duty
and self determinism has never been my strong suit
they saw to that
as everything that was done to me during my first 3 cycles
was  done "as written"

by 21
I was
a rag
a toy

too empty and too filled with the sawdust of "the New Way" to function without CUES

or lost
in the shuffle off "the actors"
the Jacks
the Jakes

The Johns

ever since I was a young boi I
 played
 the  sliver calls

lost "in the input"all around me.
(have another drink Tommy,have another hit hit hit hit hit.....
and so bad
so bad so bad
"at their output"
i must make a conscious effort consciously(SAY SOMETHING ASSHOLE!)
to at least appear There

but I am beginning to think like they do
I feel disingenuous
I too am suspect of my intent
have become too aware how my actions do not match my readings
my Ruiner ways
mock The Process

I am "HELLBENT on destroying

what took decades of endeavor"

u are either with US OR.............................................................

minimal brain function they called it when i was a child

high functioning autism

that was the point

that was the only reason i was born

but it went wrong
but it went wrong

my fault.

my self determinism run amuckity BUM

nobody EVEN WANTS TO WORK WITH YOU ANYMORE>KILLYOURSELF AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
YOU ARE RUINING IT FOR EVERYONE ELSE INVOLVED
ruining what !

ruining what !
and MAYBE IT SHOULD BE RUINED (as they have ruined me)I cannot help thinking lately


-Denny Pace (notebook 17)