Evan said he wanted a good 3 minutes effort.everything I do is wrong.
especially since my reduction
reeee education
...
the filth
i had previously painted.
a no no
the opposite of The New Way aesthetic
non representational he said.
just try he said.
try to do something different.
like for instance try not writing something that depicts your mentors as "some childman's notion of fascist nazi's"
poor jimbis.Evan
graphs...our resident
stockholm neurotic
he is trying to teach me how to paint
again.
I think he is reading from a book...
if his heart isn't
in it either is mine....
it is
what it is...
i spend 2 minutes in
adobe photoshop
following
direction
I have been made an example
of.my art .
my mind.
my degenracy..
I am a joke to these people.
it is what it is.
and I am not what i used to be.
don't get me
wrong.
I am not totally against the process.
but against it enuf to
be
weary.
in many ways i am better.
in many ways..
I am
lost.
but was i so lost that I needed to be refound and rewound to
square one?
perhaps.
they had found out I was using
again.
crack.weed...
and according to Valerie
I was using
people.
and simply not thinking
right.
she was right.
they are
always right.
they are always one step ahead.
and
1000000000
times.
faster
than my wee little mind
a mind that
tends to curl into itself
and into whatever
warm hands
that will
will
unfold me.
crack cocaine.unfolds a curled in
mind
quite
effectively.
I couldn't stop.
in 2011.
they brought me back
"to the fold"
to be reDomed.
in LA however it was weed.
alcohol
and whatever
else stilled my beating brain.
I continued with "the overload" after being reDomed.
and there the troubles began.
again.
Moving on
Evan graphs,insinuating that I focus on
the "subject" at hand.
Art.
specifically the Adobe sketch I had
spent minutes on
Evan takes the art seriously.
I on the other hand woke up
with a desire to drink.
to use.
to party...
it
denotes a lack of foresight.
a
lazy mind.
try it
again.
I have an instinctual desire to draw how I always
draw..
to make every thing.look like people.
or something that is
known
some shit they graph that there is
beauty in form and color.
it lets the
viewer make their own whatever....
I have always had a difficult time
learning.
listening.
must we
always
always
return to self referential.
to I
I
I
I
I!
somehow THEY don't "speak" in I
or we.
my first thought as usual is to graph a ragey "fuck
you"
but
there is simply
not
that
feeling
or
sense
towards
THEM
progress in spite of Iself is
being made.
toward a new way of doing
the same thing
starting
over
on the 3 minute exercise.
with foresight.
and cleaner lines
another face
this isn't about the art.
as much it is about trying not to see "a self" in everything around you.
I know they
mean MYSELF.
that it is about
not seeing MY self
in everything
around me.
it is not a good picture of anything
but in spite of
this...
I recieve" a nod"
a warm glow.
from Evan
who knows
how
difficult this all is.
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