Evan said he wanted a good 3 minutes effort.

if it's not one thing it's another.
everything I do is wrong.
especially since my reduction
reeee education
...
the filth
i had previously painted.
a no no
the opposite of The New Way aesthetic


non representational he said.
just try he said.
try to do something different.


like for instance try not writing something that depicts your mentors as "some childman's notion of fascist nazi's"

poor jimbis.Evan graphs...our resident

stockholm neurotic

he is trying to teach me how to paint

again.

I think he is reading from a book...

if his heart isn't in it either is mine....

it is

what it is...

i spend 2 minutes in adobe photoshop

following

direction

I have been made an example of.
my art .
my mind.
my degenracy..

I am a joke to these people.
it is what it is.
and I am not what i used to be.

don't get me wrong.

I am not totally against the process.

but against it enuf to be

weary.

in many ways i am better.

in many ways..

I am
lost.

but was i so lost that I needed to be refound and rewound to square one?

perhaps.

they had found out I was using again.

crack.weed...

and according to Valerie

I was using people.

and simply not thinking

right.

she was right.

they are always right.

they are always one step ahead.

and 1000000000

times.

faster

than my wee little mind

a mind that tends to curl into itself

and into whatever

warm hands

that will will

unfold me.

crack cocaine.unfolds a curled in mind

quite

effectively.

I couldn't stop.

in 2011.
they brought me back
"to the fold"
to be reDomed.

in LA however it was weed.
alcohol
and whatever
else stilled my beating brain.

I continued with "the overload" after being reDomed.
and there the troubles began.

again.

Moving on Evan graphs,insinuating that I focus on the "subject" at hand.

Art.

specifically the Adobe sketch I had spent minutes on

Evan takes the art seriously.

I on the other hand woke up with a desire to drink.

to use.

to party...

it denotes a lack of foresight.

a lazy mind.

try it again.

I have an instinctual desire to draw how I always draw..

to make every thing.look like people.

or something that is known

some shit they graph that there is beauty in form and color.

it lets the viewer make their own whatever....

I have always had a difficult time learning.

listening.

must we always

always

return to self referential.

to I

I

I

I

I!

somehow THEY don't "speak" in I
or we.

my first thought as usual is to graph a ragey "fuck you"

but

there is simply

not

that

feeling

or sense

towards

THEM

progress in spite of Iself is being made.

toward a new way of doing

the same thing

starting over

on the 3 minute exercise.

with foresight.

and cleaner lines 

and still.
another face
this isn't about the art.
as much it is about trying not to see "a self" in everything around you.

I know they mean MYSELF.

that it is about

not seeing MY self

in everything around me.

it is not a good picture of anything

but in spite of this...

I recieve" a nod"

a warm glow.

from Evan

who knows

how difficult this all is.