some days
 I can't take it..
and when i ...
 ...kind of fall back on my old habits.

to center my mind.
to escape.
to give it a rest.

or cuz Evan wants a bit of dope
or
speed
I am the one who pays



and although they won't admit it.
it aint always me
who needs a little pick me up
("know what I mean? ..jellybean?",I graph)

hmmm



it can take days to recover from this stuff.
both the drugs.
and the aftermath..


they want me to turn them on
 than
they turn on me.
i turn on them.

the Hangover.
is never a shared experience

the working relationship that has been built.all goes back to square one



i panic sometimes .if i write too badly.about the process.
they will take it away.
they will stop.
and give up on me as an unresolvable.

sometimes i fear that i am
unresolvable.

that i do not care enuf about the world around me.or others.



I concur
why would anyone want "that type" in the enway


should we all
be allowed.
to remain?

should we all
go forward.
to life.

everlasting

but I wonder....

are my current readings reflective of my true self?

 or are they  of my finances
or  my reaction to the color of my walls?
or  what's on television?

my neuralists. sometimes seem to care little

about THIS reality

 nor about cicumstances and situations causing
a bad read.
a bad interface.
a bad scan

don't we all just need "money from home?"for a "nice" neural charting?sometimes?

or is this type of thinking
against The New Way?

does anyone but a mystic
or a shaman
have
clear.
steady thoughts
beyond
their own interior monologue

what is pure in this world anymore.
one cannot even sleep outside  without being jailed.

THEY have made the world  all about money
about the safety of money

it was never supposed to be like this.

and THIS has debased our collective mind and soul.  has already destroyed the viability of the New Way