jimbloom small life video and wallhangings

it's all the rage in hollllllllllywood.

...Doming someone...
ya see.
they use this shit....
for line reading
and mmmmmmethod acting....
also...
cues...
sight lines.
sststststststsnading on one's m-m-m-m-ark etc

tis worth it to be D-d-d-d-d-omed.
so as not to have to try that hard..
as standing on one's mark and getting motivated because a downright drag
after a while.

the price of being a puppet when one gets
20 mil a pic.
is quite worth the
implants
don't ya think?

but some actors don't work out
they talk about it.
they drink or drug too much and out comes the big secret.
and it's
a ren

fro
all over the place

it's that s-s-s-s- erious.
moooooovie ACTING

i think of jesus
doing ACTS
and wonder who he was a front for.

i think about when i was young
and there were only three TV channels

i think about the Holy Trinity
I think again about Jesus

and cues.
how to act
how to be
what to aspire to be

but now.
i can't help but think where we get our cues from

i mean .

we might go to church and synagogue

but every time
that little lite of
lies comes on the tvs
which are somehow everywhere.
even in the shrink's office there is now a flatscreen
shoving random myth and shitology
into my
visual cortex


i feel so g-g-g-g-g-gay when i think all intellectual.
Dome hates.
intellectualizing

i tell my shrink.

that i tried the new Pepsi that calls it self a throwback.
and uses real sugar cane

he clearly has other things on his mind.
i wonder what it would be like to read his mind.
i wonder if he practices oral sex on his wife.

he lets me smoke in his office.
I think of myself as jessica lange
in frances
i think of myself as jessica lange in american horror story
i think of myself as as jessica lange in Music Box


"are you in a fugue Tate?"the doctor asks.

yes.
would you like to join me?I say

i think about brands
there is a pack of Mentos on his desk
i think about brands.
i think about Brads.

"I think about Brad Renfro who reminds me of Apt Pupil
which reminds me of The Cult of The Damned
and the
Crazy party i went to in Pasadena
and that old actress who said she practiced witchcraft....
the one who showed my photos of her deseased dog
on Jane Mansfield's lap

I get scared and think again of brands and Brads.
I think of Brad Renfro
I think of
" Bully"
and "Ghost World."
and why his early deeeeemise was not mentioned at the 2007? 2008? 2005? academy abores

my jaw tightens.
my facial nerves twitch

if the dr
didn't convince I was m-m-m-ad.
I would swear I was morphing.shapeshifting(they can do that ya know.with microwave technology.but ooo gosh i must keeep that cwazy to myself. the doc might prescribe that Seroquel or 302 me....but still
..what a way to control someone.. .with their looks.
talk about a harness

i think of the movie Looker.
I think of Michael Chrighten
I think of that chick from the partridge family.
whatshernamewhatshernamewhatshernamewhatshername


~~~~

i feel a pain in the back of my head.
and a tightening of my mandible muscles


I am reminded of LA conFidential
and that strange subtext
about actresses having plastic surgery
to remind .
people
of.....
other actors.

I think of polka dots.
and think of my grandmother.
an actress herself.
before the Bolsheviks chucked the whole minstrel show outta the pogrom.program prologue pro-linguist

"Oh dear Dr Roberts Dr zaus.Dr strangelove .doctor my eyes
have seen the light .
...
i think of jackson brown
I think of jackson
5 i think of jackson hole.

"hows the ritalin treating you Bates?'

i threw it away

I light another cigarette.
a stare at the ashtray
and swear i see it teeter
i think of sissy spacek
I think of carrie
i think of steven speilberg who married that



whats her name
I panic.
my mind races.
i must remember

amy
amy amy
amy irving

peace flows thru me like crack cocaine.
I am alright.
I am sane
...
I stare at the actress and
and swear i see it move
I wait for a light to go out .
and think of betty buckly
and cheerleaders

the cheerleaders remind me ofAmerican horror story because they remind me of the brood of football players from season one.
who attacked me in my VIVD dreAm last night.

"are you still having those dreams Kate?"

no I lie.
this isn't real
this isn't really happening
I think
I graph .
your gonna pay for this.
and how sicko Evan graphs.

Sweat pours from my body and I think of
the warning
.
I think of Mulholland drive
I think of my ear
and insects
and laura dern
i think of Dune
I think I Dome

I am being Eraserhead.
I think
I am being erased I tell the Dr
i think
of

The New Way